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  1. #26
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    It's too late for me. I don't know about most people, but everyone I know dated their current spouse for a few years before popping the question. I always find it absolutely mind boggling how in movies they show a couple that's been going out for a year or two and they get married. Of course it's the same thing in real life, so what's the difference? I think that after this long, there aren't any issues. Plus, sooner or later it's time to settle down and have children. Cause of course our parents, and I speak for everyone here, want grandchildren, despite getting it from our sisters or brothers.

    My opinion? If you want a prenup, don't get married. Cause there's something bothering you, and you don't want to face that fear.

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by SwitchFX View Post
    My opinion? If you want a prenup, don't get married. Cause there's something bothering you, and you don't want to face that fear.
    Sorry, but IMO that is just naive. And unfortunately, far too many people feel this way (witness most of the posts in this thread).

    The fact of the matter is that most marriages nowadays end in divorce. This is a fact, like it or not. Very few people enter marriage thinking it won't work out. We all get married with the pie in the sky intention of it lasting forever. However, life happens, and whether it is a month later, a year later or 20 years later, divorce happens to many (most) marriages. This doesn't mean the two parties got married without the best of intentions. It just means that over time, people change, go in different directions, and sadly, end up apart.

    I'm not saying I condone divorce. But nowadays, things are different. Long ago, the sanctity of marriage was respected much more, and couples would try harder to work things out. Nowadays, with the "me" generation, people are less inclined to put in the effort required. Sad but true.

    This is reality, folks. Accept it, like it or not.

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  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mekhu View Post
    Sorry guys. I have strong views on a prenup. If you need it, you're not 100% confident and not ready to marry.
    I have to agree, and the devorce figures are not justification for prenups,
    rather a justification for people to treat entering into marriage more seriously,
    especialy as it is now 'the norm' to live together before marriage anyway.

    And yes, anybody that thinks they want to remain pure before marriage, that's your choice,
    BUT you can still live together without any 'you know what' if you wish.

    And for the many youngsters here, I highly recommend setting up house on your own before setting up house with a partner.

    And finally:
    I not only continue to learn about my wife, but also myself everyday,
    yes we have both changed as does everybody,
    but I'm pretty sure that's something good rather than bad,
    just thing how boring it would be if we got married at 25,
    and stayed the same !
    Last edited by Brian-de-vie; 11-13-2009 at 12:10 PM. Reason: extra
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  4. #29
    Thanks for all the great responses everyone. Definitely food for thought. This conversation actually was sparked by a conversation with my girlfriend where she asked me: "If you suddenly became a billionaire and then decided to get married, would you want a prenup?" It was a hard question for me to answer so I was just curious what everyone though. Keep the opinions coming!

    My views were initially that prenups are the most financially smart way of doing it. In the case of having a TON of money, I just figured that would be best. However, I see some really great points and may be changing my mind... Thanks again guys :-)
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  5. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike - Limestone View Post
    I personally think that pre-nuptial agreements imply that you are uncertain of the marriage duration or the spousal qualities of the other person.

    -mike
    I agree with Mike on this. A marriage that starts with distrust seems doomed from the beginning. It's a for life thing and both people should be fully committed.
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  6. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by pphillips View Post
    people should be fully committed.
    Hmmm,
    is that 'just for me' ? or most WHTers ?
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  7. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by davidb View Post
    Very few people get married to test the waters. Very few people wait 10 years to get married.(We call them gay and no other options left). Marriges fold now, because they do. Im sorry it took you 10 years to know your wife, but most of the people I know and are happily married(friends parents) did not take 10 years to get to "know each other".
    No need to apologize. I've been "with" my wife since I was 13 so we both had to attend school, move out, etc, etc. It takes time

    Quote Originally Posted by vito View Post
    Sorry, but IMO that is just naive. And unfortunately, far too many people feel this way (witness most of the posts in this thread).

    The fact of the matter is that most marriages nowadays end in divorce. This is a fact, like it or not. Very few people enter marriage thinking it won't work out. We all get married with the pie in the sky intention of it lasting forever. However, life happens, and whether it is a month later, a year later or 20 years later, divorce happens to many (most) marriages. This doesn't mean the two parties got married without the best of intentions. It just means that over time, people change, go in different directions, and sadly, end up apart.

    I'm not saying I condone divorce. But nowadays, things are different. Long ago, the sanctity of marriage was respected much more, and couples would try harder to work things out. Nowadays, with the "me" generation, people are less inclined to put in the effort required. Sad but true.

    This is reality, folks. Accept it, like it or not.

    Vito
    I still don't agree. Yes things happen but any TRUE marriage is going to deal with those things TOGETHER. I won't argue it anymore then that.

    Next week, next year or 20 years down the road... if you divorced, you failed and you should never have been married.

  8. #33
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    Jul 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mekhu View Post



    I still don't agree. Yes things happen but any TRUE marriage is going to deal with those things TOGETHER. I won't argue it anymore then that.

    Next week, next year or 20 years down the road... if you divorced, you failed and you should never have been married.
    That's pretty harsh I think.

    Are you saying if your marriage doesn't work your a failure?

    What if she cheated on you and you divorce her cause of that..are you still a failure?

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheyenne1212 View Post
    That's pretty harsh I think.

    Are you saying if your marriage doesn't work your a failure?

    What if she cheated on you and you divorce her cause of that..are you still a failure?
    I think he's using 'you' in the plural.

    However I'd even argue that a failed marriage does not in itself have to be a permanantly failed marriage. It's just another reason to try harder.

    I suspect one of the problems with the 'Me/Now' generation, is that they expect to 'be In Love' for ever, rather than accepting that that's only a phase on the way to Loving each other.
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  10. #35
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    I didn't even read the thread to answer this, definitely go prenup, no matter what. If she loves you, she'll understand. Unless, of course, she is loaded and you are not.
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  11. #36
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    Don't get married in the first place. If you love each other, then have that be enough. No need to spend all the money and time on a wedding, and then you can avoid the legal entanglements that come from splitting up.

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by IvialisRyan View Post
    Don't get married in the first place. If you love each other, then have that be enough. No need to spend all the money and time on a wedding, and then you can avoid the legal entanglements that come from splitting up.
    Definitely a more contemporary (and increasingly popular) standpoint.

    Does common law marriage kick-in at some point?

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  13. #38
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    I heard here in canada common-law is after 6 months.

    As for prenup, if you think you need, then dont get married.

  14. #39
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    I've read about prenups getting overturned in court, so it's still not 100% iron-clad protection.

    Why even get married? Just live together for 40 years.

  15. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheyenne1212 View Post
    That's pretty harsh I think.

    Are you saying if your marriage doesn't work your a failure?

    What if she cheated on you and you divorce her cause of that..are you still a failure?
    I agree it's Harsh but it's true.

    If my wife cheated on me... HELL YES I WOULD GET A DIVORCE.

    Would my marriage be a failure? ABSOLUTELY. Fact is, people cheat for a reason. Whether it be neglect or another reason...

    Anyways, marriages can be hard work at times. However, the words "forever" and "eternity" should not be taken lightly just because you have a prenup watching your ass.

  16. #41
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    Let me ask you a question. Let's say you are single and have been very successful in your business - you have a net worth of $100 million dollars. I challenge you to honestly tell me that you would be prepared to get married without a prenup.

    Vito
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  17. #42
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    I'll chime in ...

    I have a very good 401k already established, and I'm not married. I think the amount of money in there at the time of marriage should be guaranteed 100% to me. Anything after the marriage can be split if a divorce happens. I follow that same line of thoughts for all of my/our assets

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by vito View Post
    Let me ask you a question. Let's say you are single and have been very successful in your business - you have a net worth of $100 million dollars. I challenge you to honestly tell me that you would be prepared to get married without a prenup.

    Vito
    If I was in that financial situation I would never consider marriage,
    the interest alone would pay for a healthy sex life
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  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by vito View Post
    Let me ask you a question. Let's say you are single and have been very successful in your business - you have a net worth of $100 million dollars. I challenge you to honestly tell me that you would be prepared to get married without a prenup.

    Vito
    In that case, I wouldn't get married. If she didn't like it, she can take a hike. She can be with me, or not...marriage doesn't change anything but legal ramifications.

  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by vito View Post
    Let me ask you a question. Let's say you are single and have been very successful in your business - you have a net worth of $100 million dollars. I challenge you to honestly tell me that you would be prepared to get married without a prenup.
    This. I got married without a prenup, but then again neither my wife nor I had much when we got married. If divorces worked sanely to begin with (if you're together two years, you deserve an equal portion of the two years' growth, you don't deserve crap of the other person's assets they brought into the marriage) we wouldn't even need prenups...

    ... but anyone who says that a prenup sucks the romance out of marriage is pining for a romantic idea that just plain doesn't exist any more these days.

    Conversely, with the people who are looking at prenups one way - it can be looked at it from the other way too... I think if you're marrying someone is contingent on not having a prenup, then you're being completely unromantic about the idea of marriage to begin with (because it could be argued that all you're interested in is what you can get out of it at the end).
    Last edited by fwaggle; 11-15-2009 at 06:25 PM.
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  21. #46
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    I'm all for pre-nups. A few considerations:

    - One of my sisters got married, less then a year later, got divorced. She had been living with the guy for > 5 years, and he made her a better person (IMHO). Neither was ahead of the other financially, but the fireworks erupted once they separated. They had a house together, which she had put considerably more $$$ into (from inheritance/savings, etc.). He felt he was entitled to 50% of this, and ... well you know the rest (regardless of the reversed gender).

    - The idea of giving 50% of my stuff away, doesn't bother me that much TBH, I'm not really that materialistic. But potentially fighting over sentimental stuff (eg. pets that you might have had before getting married, collections, hobbies, etc.) would really irk me.

    - Last, but not least. Consider in the position that you run a company, with real assets, real finances, real income, etc. Maybe you're the primary/sole shareholder. Imagine having to *work* for your ex, for the rest of your life. Having to share a command decision with someone, who has no interest, nor contribution in your business, who might demand an equal salary, while doing nothing at all. With a 50% ownership in your company, and no real interest in seeing it succeed, you could be supporting them for the rest of their natural lives, and they could be hindering you for the rest of yours. You get married/divorced again, you might now be a 25% shareholder in your own company? How unthinkable would that be, seriously?



    I think you can sell it to most women as "lets make this agreement to treat each other reasonably, when we love each other, so we know that we're going to be treated fairly, in the event we ever don't". You're also offering them a pre-nup, to protect them from yourself, if they're the ones to break it off. Money, isn't the only hassle a divorce puts people through after all.
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  22. #47
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    Probably due to my lack of trust and faith in the female gender, would be my reason in requesting a prenup should the day occur.
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