View Poll Results: What do you think?

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17. You may not vote on this poll
  • Cheating. Documented cheating. (advice for me?)

    2 11.76%
  • Borderline, give us both cool down time? (advice?)

    0 0%
  • Forgive her and ask for forgivence back evne though I did nothing wrong? (advice?)

    2 11.76%
  • Split it off with her now. (scathing comments here please!)

    13 76.47%
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  1. #1
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    Unhappy So when is it cheating for you

    So my girlfriend got mad that when she took my medications and hallucinated and immediately fell dead asleep that I sat up all night playing Risen. Since she took my meds for the night to "experiment" I couldn't sleep anyway. She rolled out of bed at 4pm'ish and jerks my headset off (causing microtears in my two helix and a slight tear to my left lobe piercings) and screams "This is bull****, what the f***!" and storms out leaving me with now bleeding inflamed ears. I almost lost two 6mm balls which are amazingly hard to replace in this material and color. I let her cool down figuring she needs space.

    She had a girl's night out "Bash Jay" fest with several friends with her cute little 16 year old sister dropping them off and picking them up. Said adorable girl immediately sends me like 17 messages on msn from her phone that my girlfriend is drunkenly making out with the cryptic "guy i know, but i don't like" line thrown in. I get she's mad I played on my computer for 24 hours straight. I didn't disturb her, I didn't Sleep Creep her for those who catch that term, I let her sleep peaceful by using my headset. I thought I was being a gentleman, considering my meds are regulated so hard she took what I had to take to sleep so I couldn't. I gave her space, I didn't try to smother her in apologies or pleading; instead I was bleeding. I turned down that 16 year old's invitation to come over and tend the wounds "of heart and body" because I like not being in jail and not cheating on my first solid girlfriend I was comfortable with.

    Aside from taking meds, and taking my painkillers which I save for a friend who has trouble getting them and needs them more for her amputated leg then I do nerve pain, I took it all while drinking my beers alone. No calling my cats to come counter party or hit a club, no hate on her time. I played a different game as a relaxer while receiving the MSN messages so I read them in bulk even came with photos of the act in progress when she arrived.

    I asked for advice on each for a broad perspective. I'm really in a quandary. I haven't dated much because of things like this happening to friends, and my own low self-esteem and self-image. So I need feedback. Help from anonymous people who can offer things I never thought of, wiser actions? I'm really torn on this as I have been 100% faithful even at parties where I could have cheated and she would never have known. So please, vote and advise! I may be 27 but dating is still a hard concept for me because of my strong independent side and some very hard walls placed to protect me I let down for her.
    Last edited by AquaCyclone; 10-13-2009 at 01:23 AM. Reason: I forgot a paragraph.
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  2. #2
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    OK you want to back up and lay that down in layman's terms?

    Sorry you are kind of all over the place. What exactly is she upset at? That you let her sleep? That you got some text messages and she saw them ( still do not understand that) was it her sister that sent the messages to you?

    Was your girlfriend locking lips with someone else (I think you said that).

    So what is she pissed at?
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  3. #3
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    erm... I don't know man... us blokes will spend all our lives trying to work these strange ladies out and you know what we will never understand them...

    If she can't respect her show her the door mate sad but needed...
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeyr View Post
    So my girlfriend got mad that when she took my medications and hallucinated and immediately fell dead asleep that I sat up all night playing Risen. Since she took my meds for the night to "experiment" I couldn't sleep anyway. She rolled out of bed at 4pm'ish and jerks my headset off (causing microtears in my two helix and a slight tear to my left lobe piercings) and screams "This is bull****, what the f***!" and storms out leaving me with now bleeding inflamed ears. I almost lost two 6mm balls which are amazingly hard to replace in this material and color. I let her cool down figuring she needs space.

    She had a girl's night out "Bash Jay" fest with several friends with her cute little 16 year old sister dropping them off and picking them up. Said adorable girl immediately sends me like 17 messages on msn from her phone that my girlfriend is drunkenly making out with the cryptic "guy i know, but i don't like" line thrown in. I get she's mad I played on my computer for 24 hours straight. I didn't disturb her, I didn't Sleep Creep her for those who catch that term, I let her sleep peaceful by using my headset. I thought I was being a gentleman, considering my meds are regulated so hard she took what I had to take to sleep so I couldn't. I gave her space, I didn't try to smother her in apologies or pleading; instead I was bleeding. I turned down that 16 year old's invitation to come over and tend the wounds "of heart and body" because I like not being in jail and not cheating on my first solid girlfriend I was comfortable with.

    Aside from taking meds, and taking my painkillers which I save for a friend who has trouble getting them and needs them more for her amputated leg then I do nerve pain, I took it all while drinking my beers alone. No calling my cats to come counter party or hit a club, no hate on her time. I played a different game as a relaxer while receiving the MSN messages so I read them in bulk even came with photos of the act in progress when she arrived.

    I asked for advice on each for a broad perspective. I'm really in a quandary. I haven't dated much because of things like this happening to friends, and my own low self-esteem and self-image. So I need feedback. Help from anonymous people who can offer things I never thought of, wiser actions? I'm really torn on this as I have been 100% faithful even at parties where I could have cheated and she would never have known. So please, vote and advise! I may be 27 but dating is still a hard concept for me because of my strong independent side and some very hard walls placed to protect me I let down for her.
    Here is the best advice that I can give. You, and your girlfriend, obviously have some sort of addictions. I'm not talking about prescribed medication on your part addiction. Think about this. She took medication that made her hallucinate and pass out in a state that seemed like she was dead. Then she got up and started to act irrational. Did you, for one second, think that she could have been comatose or suffering some other ill effects from this? I would have checked her pulse first and foremost. She has a pill problem, and you have a problem for sharing this stuff with her when it could hurt her if it's not prescribed by a doctor. Feeding her addiction.

    I think the other things are just backseat problems in comparison with this illegal medication passing between several people without a licensed physician's input. I think a lot of these problems would clear up if this problem was alleviated.
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  5. #5
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    She has a pill problem, and you have a problem for sharing this stuff with her when it could hurt her if it's not prescribed by a doctor. Feeding her addiction.
    You bring up an interesting point there: her real motivation for maintaining this relationship, real feelings or drugs?

    Stop feeding her meds would be priority #1. Second, if there's reason to believe that the meds were the cause for her behavior (including cheating), you can give your relationship a second chance. She needs to fight for it though.

    Just my take on it based on your story. Maybe if I knew her story as well, I would have another opinion.
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  6. #6
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    Well I wouldn't keep painkillers (drugs) in my house for someone else. I'm assuming you got a doctor to prescribe them for you, and you give them to someone who can't get them from their doctor or has run out, is that right?

    You story is all over the place, but I am assuming that is the drugs scrambling your mental faculties.

    Her taking your medication is hardly a cause or excuse for her cheating on you. If she is cheating on you, it's over, in my book, no matter how unstable you both are.

    Well if your medication had that kind of effect on you girlfriend, imagine what it's doing to you!


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  7. #7
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    She made out with another dude? She will do it again. Most importantly, you will always remember this of her and it will come up over and over. It's over.
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  8. #8
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    Sack her buddy....trade her in....she sounds about as much use a 2 balloons and a whistle.

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  9. #9
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    Its time to trade her in, how many miles you put on her?
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  10. #10
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    If your GF is passed out after taking your meds, send for an ambulance,
    don't sit there with your headphones on being 'respectful'.

    As far as your bloody ears go, that's the price of wearing ear rings/studs.

    As far as cheating goes, that's solely up to you/her, it's your relationship, only you 2 can make the rules.

    As far as the sister goes, send her home to her parents for a good spanking for being a 'little madam'.

    As far as 'women' go, accept you [like all men] will never understand them,
    however sounds like your GF is far too young[mentaly] to be considered a woman.

    Your 27, try a relation ship with a woman of a similar[mental] age.

    As far as your 'friends' that have had 'bum' experiences of women, replace them with friends that have stable / successfull relationships.

    Dating is hard at any age[5 - 105], whatever your experiences/background, don't make excuses, face it head on, it's a challenge, but can be rewarding as well as painful.

    Oh and at the risk of being a real BOF, let me make it crystal clear:
    Your Meds are for You alone, forget that and quite simply - You could Kill someone !
    Last edited by Mike V; 10-13-2009 at 06:58 PM.
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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Outlaw Web Master View Post
    she sounds about as much use a 2 balloons and a whistle.

    owm
    We want to see a picture, or at least more details
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  12. #12
    I would say cheating. No doubt. But as some other people have said, this sounds like it could be a serious problem that is not related to y'alls relationship.

    If it was me, I would instruct her to get help, and let her go. Always easier said than done in these cases, but I have a "zero tolerance" policy for cheating.

    At the end of the day, all that matters is how you feel. I wish you the best and keep us up to speed.
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  13. #13
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    Seems to me that you both need to grow up.

    First of all, do not ever allow anyone else to take your prescribed medication. They were prescribed to you.

    Second, your girlfriend "cheating" on you is, to date, here say. Someone MSNing you does not mean it is true.

    So sit down with your GF and have a candid discussion. Let her know that from here on in, she will not have access to your prescription meds, no exceptions. Second, confront her about her alleged cheating episode. It will be up to you if you believe her answer or not (if she looks down a lot, beware - that is a sure fire signal that she is lying). Unfortunately, unless you have absolute proof, you have no "real" way of knowing what really happened. If you are unsure if she is telling the truth, simply go with your gut. Usually, it is our best friend.

    If you think she cheated on you because you played video games in excess, then sorry, but it's time to ditch her and move on. Being "spacy" on your meds is not an excuse. If she has a propensity to want to "punish" you by cheating, she will do it again, lucid or not. She ain't worth it. Far too many other good women out there to settle for infidelity.

    Sorry to hear you are having such troubles. Personal relationships can be a real burden if imperfect (as is usually the case). The important thing is to always remember to respect yourself and do not short-change yourself by settling with something that you "put up with" just for the sake of keeping the relationship intact. In the end, the price to pay far outweighs any benefit of maintaining your comfort level. Difficult decisions are hard to make, but totally necessary.

    Good luck.

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  14. #14
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    If you are not happy with how things are going break it off before you waste more time. Chances are this is how its going to be in the future as well. There is no guarantee anyone will change, and is it really worth the risk to waste years of your life waiting for the anticipated change?
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  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian-de-vie View Post
    <<snipped>> , if your GF is passed out after taking your meds, send for an ambulance,
    don't sit there with your headphones on being 'respectful'.

    Oh and at the risk of being a real BOF, let me make it crystal clear:
    Your Meds are for You alone, forget that and quite simply - You could Kill someone !
    I've been on medication since I was 15 and helping my mom organize her medication since I was 12. I know every side effect, and problem. I did check on her through the night. Steady pulse, rem sleep, pupils slightly dilated but no danger. I'm not a pusher, and this was her first and only time trying something. She's 21 and in her college years. I made it clear she wouldn't take them again. I keep them in a locked box, but I won't say where exactly I keep that key.

    Quote Originally Posted by HostYourIdea View Post
    Well I wouldn't keep painkillers (drugs) in my house for someone else. I'm assuming you got a doctor to prescribe them for you, and you give them to someone who can't get them from their doctor or has run out, is that right?
    Yes I keep painkillers for a friend. She's on the same dose of vicodin I am, and I don't use it because it doesn't help me. She however deals with phantom limb pain, TMJ, and blisters and sores caused by her prosthesis. Her doctor will not listen to her need for a higher medication so she has to take more some days to get relief. I help her when she's down because she's been my friend for over a decade. I'm not selling or pushing, it's not a every day or month thing. It's just sometimes she runs out on bad days and I offered to help her since it's identical meds.

    Quote Originally Posted by ldcdc View Post
    You bring up an interesting point there: her real motivation for maintaining this relationship, real feelings or drugs?

    Stop feeding her meds would be priority #1. Second, if there's reason to believe that the meds were the cause for her behavior (including cheating), you can give your relationship a second chance. She needs to fight for it though.

    It's real feelings Dan, like I said this her first time in a year and a half of dating she's even showed an interest in what I take during he day and at bedtime. I know how to identify drug seekers and once again, I don't push pills. I actually am very against drugs (except the occasional joint). You've known me for a bit Dan, I may sound a bit off but teachers seem to love how I write and I wouldn't risk losing my medications.


    Quote Originally Posted by futts View Post
    Here is the best advice that I can give. You, and your girlfriend, obviously have some sort of addictions. I'm not talking about prescribed medication on your part addiction.

    She not an addict, read above. This was her first and only time taking medications that aren't hers. Just like above; I know the side effects (which include hallucinations and a sudden drop into sleep) and she was never in any danger nor is she an addict.


    Quote Originally Posted by futts View Post
    I think the other things are just backseat problems in comparison with this illegal medication passing between several people without a licensed physician's input. I think a lot of these problems would clear up if this problem was alleviated.
    Once you've entered the long realm of medications and chronic illnesses you end up with tons of knowledge on your medications and everyone's around you. She tried once medications I have been on since 15. She was fully herself and no longer under the effects when she woke up. it' not ambien cr, it's straight ambien that wears off after a few hours. As for giving my friend pain meds, I explained above the reason.

    Quote Originally Posted by Techark View Post
    OK you want to back up and lay that down in layman's terms?

    Sorry you are kind of all over the place. What exactly is she upset at? That you let her sleep? That you got some text messages and she saw them ( still do not understand that) was it her sister that sent the messages to you?

    Was your girlfriend locking lips with someone else (I think you said that).

    So what is she pissed at?
    She was upset that I didn't lay down next to her, and spoon while not sleeping myself. I instead played Risen on my computer. When she woke up I was still playing and that is when she got angry. I got a lot of messages on MSN and AIM from her friends' phones during a "Girl's night out, let's bash Jay" fest. Once her little sister, the 16 year old "little madam", came to get them from the club she watched for a bit and sent me a lot of MSN messages and then a picture of the act in process. The reason I got a lot of messages from multiple clients was her friends and her sister sending them from their phones.

    And once again, she was upset that I played a game all night instead of pretending to sleep next to her. I was still playing when she woke up and that when she ripped of my headset and screamed at me.

    To sum all this up quickly: girlfriend's first and only time taking my meds. She has no pill problem. I help a friend who really needs it with pain meds since we take the same vicodin prescription. She has to take more then is "allotted" some days for very real reasons and since I do not take it much I help her when she runs out of pain killers. She's trying to get better pain medication to manage her pain, but until her doctor wises up I am going to help her because I know what it is like to be in pain and have nothing to help it. My girlfriend went out the day after with friends to do that catty guy bashing they do except that sent me messages from their phones on AIM, and MSN. Her little sister picked them up and saw the make out session and sent me messages about it and then a picture. All because I played Risen all night instead of laying down pretending to sleep.



    Thanks for the advice, for the others think what you want. If you're not in the world of hospitals and medication that I, my mom, and my friend are in you will never understand. I'll leave you with I have 3 entries in the CDC database, and am registered with NIH.
    Last edited by bear; 10-13-2009 at 08:20 PM.
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  16. #16
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    If you're not in the world of hospitals and medication that I, my mom, and my friend are in you will never understand. I'll leave you with I have 3 entries in the CDC database, and am registered with NIH. [/FONT]
    You are right., we will never understand. My mother was head of psychiatric nursing of the entire state where i lived. I will never understand, but YOU should know better.

    I wish you well, there is good advice in here.

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  17. #17
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    Sounds like the medication was Zanex by her reaction upon waking up and seeing you still on the computer and her being so angry. One time I couldnt sleep, my sister gave me some Zanex, and not knowing any better, I took the whole bar (4 pills I think?). I woke up the next morning and my sister and wife were arguing. Generally I would ignore such things, but the drugs left me with no self control. I blew up. I was soo mad and so out of control, I destroyed a dodge pickup with my fists and a 2x4. I had stormed into my mother in laws where everyone was fighting, mother in law pulled a rifle on me which I promptly started taking away and she ended up hanging across it with arms and legs as I set her outside with it and closed the door, which means I maintained enough mental control to simply get her out of the way without harming her. She didnt want to shoot me, and I knew she wouldnt, but nobody had ever seen me like this. I even pushed my wife out of the way pretty rough, which I will forever feel bad about.

    Everyone forgave me because it wasnt me, it was the Zanex..... which is something I know now you DONT mess around with. It's a mental drug. I am the tough man type which doesnt show emotions, and I say men dont cry, and I have great control over my anger and emotions.... but that drug made my mental state the total opposite. I will NEVER touch that drug again, and am now VERY wary of taking anything other than simply Ambien.

    fyi- the truck was mine. I busted headlights and windows, and dented sides all with my fists. I saw a doc friend about it (head shrink) and he said that was my deeply trained self control effort to remove myself from the house before harming anyone and to wear myself and the drug down, and that I did the best that could be expected of me considering the influence I was under. He did say he wished he'd been there, that it would have been interesting to see someone with such control over himself to lose control like that.

    If it was Zanex, or some other brain drug, you now know how she react on them and you need to keep them away from her. Everyone has different reactions to these meds. I only told my story above so you understand how close to the edge it can take people, and how dangerous that can potentially be....... and why people here are telling you not to let others take drugs that are meant for YOU, not THEM. My familiy loved me enough, and understood well enough that it was the drugs not me... thus no shooting at me or cop calling..... might not be the same case in other households...
    Last edited by Webdude; 10-13-2009 at 03:46 PM.
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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webdude View Post
    Sounds like the medication was Zanex by her reaction upon waking up and seeing you still on the computer and her being so angry.
    I'm not on Zanex. All she took was ambien, diazepam, and cyclobenzaprine. While large doses of those 3 can kill, I wouldn't by any means let someone overdose.
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  19. #19
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    diazepam (valium) would be the culprit there... cyclobenzaprine is just a muscle relaxer/pain killer mix. An ambien/diazepam can give you weird half asleep anger/happy issues..lol. Kinda like how zanex gives me anger issues and valium doesnt, it is reverse for other people. As for ambien, never heard of anyone having weird anger issues from that, although I have heard of it from lunesta.

    By the way, most prescriptions I have never used, less than 5. It's just my wife is a nurse, and I get to sit around and listen about her day for about two hours a night. On the flip side, I'm learning a lot
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  20. #20
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    It doesn't sound like the drugs to me. I'm presuming she slept quite some time, having taken them at some point in the evening (around 9-11pm?), waking up at 4pm, then going out later in the night to a bar, again around 8-9pm I would assume? If that's about right, it's around 24 hours, dependant on dose, the effects should have worn off for the most part by then.

    Diazepam is used to reduce anxiety, and as a muscle relaxant (which is probably why she zonked out so well), Cyclobenzaprine is actually quite similar to early anti-depressants and might have caused her outburst when she woke up, although it is now used as a treatment for muscle spasms.

    In all honesty, if she were out to get you (I presume you name is Jay?) and did this by making out with a guy, then I don't think she will hesitate in doing it again. Although she may have been under some influence from small dosages of the drugs, then mixed with alcohol. I personally would have a frank and honest discussion with her about the future of your relationship, her actions and what she believes you and her did wrong. After talking with her and gathering the "facts", take some time to yourself to gather your thoughts and come up with your response.

    Hope that helps.
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  21. #21
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    I suffer from chronic pain myself. I sometimes wish my doctor would give me some miracle drug to take away the pain. However, I would never presume that I'm more learned than a physician. No matter what you say your level of knowledge is, it doesn't compare to what a licensed and educated physician tells you. It's a dangerous game to do so. You DON'T know more than your doctor, and what you're doing is potentially dangerous and it's certainly illegal.
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  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by commestate View Post
    erm... I don't know man... us blokes will spend all our lives trying to work these strange ladies out and you know what we will never understand them...
    I completely agree. I have yet to figure girls out.

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  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by futts View Post
    I suffer from chronic pain myself. I sometimes wish my doctor would give me some miracle drug to take away the pain. However, I would never presume that I'm more learned than a physician. No matter what you say your level of knowledge is, it doesn't compare to what a licensed and educated physician tells you. It's a dangerous game to do so. You DON'T know more than your doctor, and what you're doing is potentially dangerous and it's certainly illegal.
    Totaly agree with that, I'd add to it 3 other dangers:
    1. You Do Not know HER medical history, even a fully qualified medical doctor would not prescribe drugs without wanting to know her full medical history.
    2. Everybody reacts differantly to drugs, can you believe that my wife could have died because of medication given to her after an operation.
    The evil drug was common old 'codine', available in the UK over the counter.

    Assuming on WHT is wrong[yes I'm guilty too often], BUT assuming in the medical/health field can be leathal.
    3. She went out 'clubing' afterwards ! Then she may have a death wish !
    Medicines and Alcohol should never be mixed.

    I'd also like to reply to the implication that those responding to the OP are less informed than the OP.
    Whilst we may be lacking intemate details of his situation,
    the fact that we have posted does suggest that we have a genuine interest/concern/awareness/empathy/experience that we can pull from.
    In my case I'm a full time carer and a trustie of a carers charity, I've 54 years experience of life. Iv'e seen too many people suffer and seen a few raise above there 'painful challenges'.
    I do recommend the OP gives a little more value to the genuinely worthwhile comments made by the posters in this thread.

    You have said a 1 time 'experament', doesn't that expression alone ring warning bells.
    I do appreciate all you actions at the time & here are well intended, but good intentions are not enough to me for playing around with medications.
    Your friend you help with 'extra' supplies, could prob. be helped better in some other way[you may well have allready tried, we simply do not know].
    Maybe you could support him/her by going to the doctors together, or trying out some healthy activity, there are many [drug free] ways to try to fight pain.

    Good luck to you, your friend & your [ex?] GF.
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  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zeyr View Post
    She was upset that I didn't lay down next to her, and spoon while not sleeping myself.
    This was my first guess. I knew it right after I read your first post. Actually, my guess is that she wanted more than just spooning. She's fairly young, tried to get high on meds and immediately after she got reckless & messed with other guys. IMO, she wanted to get it on and party a bit that night. Maybe by messing with other guys she was trying to show you that if you won't give it to her then she'll find someone else who will. Well, only she knows that for sure. Either way, though, I think it was best that you not go there anyhow, considering her state of mind. If that's what she wants and how she wants it, then next time she should get a buzz off some alcohol (being that she is of the legal drinking age), not passed out drunk and definitely no mixing with pills.

    You got a lot of good advice in this thread regarding everything else. I think we all want to see our friends be safe and make good decisions, but life isn't perfect. Reality is that more people probably live close to the edge, while not actually living right on it. So, we should probably not judge too harshly. But still, be safe, be legal, etc.
    ...john2k...
      0 Not allowed!

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Posts
    374
    Wow, have you ever read the label saying:
    "Federal law prohibits the transfer of this drug to any person other than the person for whom it was prescribed."

    You're giving a "friend" your drugs because a doctor has refused to. You're essentially saying your judgment is better than someone who spent many years in medical school, learning exactly how this drug will affect the body.
      0 Not allowed!

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