var sidebar_align = 'right';
var content_container_margin = parseInt('350px');
var sidebar_width = parseInt('330px');
Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Apply gold leaf, turn upside
down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion
cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
Grind lenses for new eyeglasses.
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.
Debug Windows '98
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
Lay Faberge egg.
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires
are shot out at mall.
Blow glass Christmas tree ornaments. Cut tree in Montana.
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same
height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to
add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in
last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less
inadequate than they really are.
Bear son. Swaddle. Scent manger with homemade potpourri.
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
Say it is good. Rest for five minutes.
Dig up sand from quarry and make new chips for my four computers.
Float wicks in 4000 dishes of oil, place on lawn, and spell out
Happy New Year as a greeting to my friends on the MIR space station.
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call one friend in
each time zone of the world as the calendar changes.
Need help? just ask The Doctor
House calls a specialty
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy ?