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  1. #1
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    Mar 2002
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    My life is now over.

    I've been up all night, i can't sleep, i don't feel right. It feels like my heart is missing. Seriously. It feels like its not there, ive got an empty feeling in my chest and it hurts. Im in love and she wants a break. I don't know how to deal with this, im trying to be calm and just wait for her to come back, but its really hard. I can't concentrate on anything because of this feeling in my chest. I need to hold her. I need to hold her really bad. I know she loves me, i can feel it. I just screwed things up by smothering her. I'd go over there everyday about 5-6 and then leave about 9-10 except on wed i'd just see her from about 9-10. and then on the weekends i'd see her bout 1-5,10:30-1am on saturday and 3-10 on sunday. You know that feeling you get when your for once in your life KNOW for sure they are the one? I mean i've wanted to think that about someone before, but i didnt really feel it. I know for sure this time. I feel it like no other. I don't know how to deal with this. It's hurting really bad. She says she will come back, but she just needs time to get things straight and date other people if that happens which she said it might not. But anyways, i've been up all night crying (yes a guy who cries). I can't sleep and im hurting really bad. And to think. This is only day 1

  2. #2
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    Mar 2001
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    Throw yourself into your work and let it take your mind off things for a while
    All the Best
    Mark Castle
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  3. #3
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    Mar 2002
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    I've tried that. My work reminds me of her

  4. #4
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    Apr 2001
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    2,588
    Unfortunately in this cruel world, a break is not just a break. Wait it out, if she calls and wants to work things out, do so, but take it easy. If she doesn't call, let her go, take some time to get over it and move on. Life does exist outside that box called love, its where you will find your heart again.

  5. #5
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    Mar 2002
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    Texas
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    Well last time she wanted a break she called me and wanted me back after 30 min cause she realized she cant have me out of her life.

  6. #6
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    Apr 2002
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    Let me hand you a nugget of life. People always want what they cannot have. Do not chase her do not act like you are dying without her, get out and force yourself to do things, let her see you doing things with others no matter how hard it is. If she thinks you are crying your eyes out and begging for her to come back she will pull further away.

    If she sees you moving on with your life you suddenly become much more desirable.

  7. #7
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    Jan 2002
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    There are several reasons why she could have wanted a break, it may not be you smothering her at all. She may feel the same way as you but is scared of her feelings and doesn't know how to act.
    She may feel that she is too young to commit, how old is she??
    You need to fund something to do that doesnt remind you of her, i know thats hard, when i split up with my boyfriend everything i did and everywhere i went reminded me of him, and i didnt know what to do with myself.
    You need to do something physical, not working on the net, something that makes you so tired at the end of the day that you collapse into bed and fall asleep so that you dont have all this time on your hands to think about her.

  8. #8
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    Mar 2002
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    She is 19. She said thats the main reason. She said she isnt used to having to commit to one guy.

  9. #9
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    Nov 2001
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    let her sew those wild oats then she be ready to settle down.
    (just what i hear alot )
    anyhow don't know man i'm only 17 and really really shy myself at school and around girls but anyhow lets not go in to my dating life

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
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    Auckland - New Zealand
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    Been there... got over it... done it again

    Best advice has been given I think.. don't let her know exactly how you feel - Kia Kaha (Be strong) and DO get out and you will get over her.. time heals all and also meeting the next "One and only" helps too

    You never know.. if it was meant to be it will be..

  11. #11
    Have some poison instead. Hehe!!!

  12. #12
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    Apr 2001
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    Its better to have loved and to have lost, than to have never of loved at all.

  13. #13
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    Dec 2000
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    Originally posted by Ultravox
    Have some poison instead. Hehe!!!
    Then Juliet will do it too.
    -Mooneer
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  14. #14
    Then Juliet will do it too
    Romeo-Juliet was a sad story...

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
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    Originally posted by Ultravox


    Romeo-Juliet was a sad story...
    Yes. Very sad.
    -Mooneer
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  16. #16
    DoobyWho, things will only become easier, i know this.

    Take it easy and try not to let it bother you as much, it may seem impossible but keep yourself occupied and you will be ok
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  17. #17
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    Sep 2002
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    That's right. Keep yourself busy, things become easier.

  18. #18
    or just get a new girl...
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  19. #19
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    Apr 2002
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    You need to do something physical, not working on the net, something that makes you so tired at the end of the day that you collapse into bed and fall asleep so that you dont have all this time on your hands to think about her.
    Buy one of these and think about her when you are on it. In a couple of weeks you'll look so cool the chicks will flock to you.

  20. #20
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    Jul 2002
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    3,729
    Dude, your life isn't over, it's just entering a new phase is all. Welcome the new phase, don't be all depressed and upset that the old one is gone.

    I know it's easier said than done, but take it from someone who's been through this kind of thing many times...it's far better to pick yourself back up after a fall than it is to stay laying on the ground...

  21. #21
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    Aug 2000
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    Originally posted by DoobyWho
    She is 19. She said thats the main reason. She said she isnt used to having to commit to one guy.
    Sorry, but she's probably right. 19 is way to young to think "he/she is the one." Both you and she still have a lot of people to meet... let her move on; keep in touch and remain friends. After some time you both may find that the other really is the person you want to be with.

    You both have plenty of time (assuming you're not too much older than her 19).
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  22. #22
    I don't usually jump in on threads like these Doobywho- but I was in exactly the same position once that you're in now. My girlfriend and I had been together for a good long while and then *poof* she says she needs a break and moves out. It all happened in two days. I've never been so blown away in my life.

    Same deal as you- I knew she was the one. Couldn't explain it, but I knew. After she left, I had a good long while to think about our relationship and figured that there were some things I could have done better, and there were some things she could have done better. In the end, we started talking again and seeing each other slowly. It took almost a year of very infrequent contact to get to that point again though.

    We reached an understanding about what it takes to be in a successful relationship and we both made an effort to try harder.

    We've been married now for almost 3 years. My advice to you is to not dwell on it so much. Try to think about whether you can learn anything from the experience (things you might have done differently). Whatever you do, give her all the space in the world. Chasing her and not letting go will only make the situation much worse. Go out with your friends, see other people, and let whatever happens happen. One way or another, things will get better.

    19 is way too young to know what you want for the rest of your life. She's either just completely freaked out, or she's just not ready. Best thing you can do is to let her do her thing.
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  23. #23
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    Apr 2002
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    I`ve been in this situation, the only way to 'get rid' of her from your mind is to hang out with your friends.

    I know, it hurts
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  24. #24
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    I am actually going through the same situation currently but not because she wants space, because her parents have arranged a marriage for her and she does not want to get disowned by not obeying their words (let the record show she is 23..lol)

    I am trying to cope as well as I have been in this relationship for 4 years, and the issue is not love, we both love eachother, its an issue of choice.

    In your situation, I would take the advice that people are giving, just play things as they come up, even though I know what you are feeling, it feels like a big blob of anxiety is hovering over me.

  25. #25
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    Originally posted by dialuphost
    I am actually going through the same situation currently but not because she wants space, because her parents have arranged a marriage for her and she does not want to get disowned by not obeying their words (let the record show she is 23..lol)

    I am trying to cope as well as I have been in this relationship for 4 years, and the issue is not love, we both love eachother, its an issue of choice.
    Yes it is, and it's her choice. A friend of mine was faced with a similar situation -- not exactly an arranged marriage because her parents hadn't chosen someone for her, but they (very conservative Koreans, living in California) directly instructed her that she had to marry a Korean guy, and said in no uncertain terms that if she didn't break up with her Filipino boyfriend she wouldn't have any room in their family.

    So she grappled with that for a couple of months, and just got an apartment together with her boyfriend. That was about a month ago, last week her parents invited the two of them to dinner. From what I've heard of the story it's certainly not the case that everyone's happy, but she made clear to her parents what her choice would be if they were going to force her to make one, and what her priorities were. And, not wanting to lose their daughter, they made the same kind of decision.
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  26. #26
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    May 2002
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    You are too young to 'know she is the one'
    That only happens in the movies.
    By all means get yourself together. By that, I mean you need to have hobbies, intrests, and life experiances that complete you as a person. Too many people rely on others to fill the missing pieces, instead of developing the person they are going to be by themselves. Life is a never ending journey, some of which must be traveled alone.
    She is obviously smart enough to relise that.
    If you really think she is the one, and you intend on being there, when she thinks she is ready to start a realationship, then you must do this. Even if she eventually decides she doesn't really want a relationship with you, at least you will be a more mature, "catch" for someone who is ready when you are.
    Don't jump into dating others, just persue your career and intrests. Get out with friends more. Study things you like more.
    Just be true to yourself, and true lasting love can be yours.

    I know from where I speak, after a few failed relationships, I quit dating for four years. I decided I just wasn't good at it, and I needed to grow into myself more.
    They always wanted to come back, but I told them "What ever it was you didn't like enough to spend the rest of your life with me (or I didn't like enough about you to spend the rest of my life with you) is still there, and I respect you enough to not put us through that again"
    I am now friends with them.
    DANG DANG! DANG!!
    I know ***** ripped off everybody else, but they wouldn't do it to me.
    "When you use bottom feed for bait, you are only going to catch bottom feeders."
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  27. #27
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    Mar 2002
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    Texas
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    uhg i hate hearing that crap about "your to young". not everyone is the same. some people might be ready for comittment that young. i am.

  28. #28
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    Jul 2001
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    I feel for you DoobyWho, and know how hard it can be to get over somebody it seemed you were made for, and who was made for you. But you can pull through, I did. Try your best to keep a good relationship with her in the literal sense, because even though she may not be the one any more, there's no reason why you should have to lose her as a friend. I went through 12 months of sheer agony, but eventually pulled through it all, it may be a long hard slog but you can do it.

    That said, I hope that you can sort things out and that you don't lose her.

  29. #29

  30. #30
    LOVE is NOT hard..

    if it is a HARD relationship..

    it's not LOVE...............

  31. #31
    Life throws you curves..

    you must learn to swerve..

    CATCH THOSE CURVES..
    or else swerve.. an missM..
    '

  32. #32
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    Aug 2002
    Location
    Baltimore, Maryland
    Posts
    580
    hrm...stay away from relationships...only brings about trouble, heart ache and pain...unless its friendship,

  33. #33
    don't listen to EMPTY talk..

    and do NOT place thineself as one who is subject to anothers feelings.. such as you have..

    you MUST have more respect for thineself....

    you can..


    why? "BecauseYouCan"

    that's why...........

  34. #34
    your life has not ended..

    friend.. it's just begun..

    move on..

    because "YouCan"

  35. #35
    i am a writer......


    your post has got me started......

    again.. i am a writer.............

    i write words that MOVE folks..
    such as



    if you ever
    have forever in mind
    i'll be here
    and easy to find
    if yout heart
    is not ready
    to lay down with mine..
    if you ever
    have forever in mind.........


    the music has ended'

    still yoiu wish to dance

    i know the feeling.......
    i can't take the change

    you live for the moment
    no future
    no past

    i may be a fool.... to love by the rules..

    LOVE HAPPENS

  36. #36
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
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    UPDATE:
    She's been calling me and talking to me. And she tells me she loves me and misses me but she still wants the break. And friday she wants to see me as friends , we can't hug all over each other and stuff cause it will make her feel bad. People are telling me not to see her, and if i do, not for long, make her miss me more and more. what do you think?

  37. #37
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    Apr 2002
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    Yeah, see her and be casual... create a new friendship with her.. if it's meant to be it will be

    Good luck

  38. #38
    DoobyWho,

    You need to follow the advice that has already been given and move on and put the ball in her court. Let her MISS you!!! I am speaking from experience here. The love of my life dumped me when it got to be college time. I felt as you do now. I couldn't understand how she could possibly do that to me...or to us. She was strong, and stuck to her guns about it so I really didn't have a choice but to move on. I started dating other people and got into several relationships. I knew all along that if she would take me back I would be there in a heartbeat but I had to give her time and space to decide on her own. I just kept thinking of the old saying that if you love something, set it free...if it comes back to you it's yours...if not, it never was. We were apart for a little over a year and started talking again. To make a long story short we are married and have been for going on 12 years now. Looking back on it now, I can honestly say the separation did us both some good. You just have to be strong and move on and what is meant to be, will be!

  39. #39
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    Mar 2002
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    Texas
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    She said things feel weird and she has that same empty feeling as me. What if i was to just hang out with her on friday and if she tries anything, back off and say something like "If you want to be able to do that kind of stuff, we've got to be together. We arn't going to do this whole friends with benefits thing, you mean to much to me to do that" ???

  40. #40
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
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    USA
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    Bad idea you will drive her away. If she is feeling empty hang back a bit more. If you try and move in to fast she will pull back again, this time further away.

    Take deep breathe and back off for a little while.

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