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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
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    889

    How to handle a speeding ticket

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

    Officer: May I see your driver's license?
    Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

    Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
    Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

    Officer: The car is stolen?
    Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

    Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
    Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

    Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
    Driver: Yes, sir.

    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
    Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

    Captain: Who's car is this?
    Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
    Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
    Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

    Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
    Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.

  2. #2
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    Good joke
    Brian White - [email protected]
    High Bandwidth Reseller Hosting
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  3. #3
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    lol

  4. #4
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    LOL, will have to try this out

  5. #5
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    rofl hmm i wonder if that would work for me....
    -Robert Norton
    www.SophMedia.com

  6. #6
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    WHT's in reruns again. See the alleged Detroit Michigan "news story" here:

    http://webhostingtalk.com/showthread.php?threadid=68748
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  7. #7
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    Jul 2001
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    Originally posted by JayC
    WHT's in reruns again:

    http://webhostingtalk.com/showthread.php?threadid=68748
    didn't see that one.

    plus my post was easier to read

  8. #8
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    Originally posted by aragon
    my post was easier to read
    Definitely. And it was more believable story without that mention of bringing the FBI to the scene of a traffic stop!

    A captain is still a little far-fetched, but maybe if it was a really small department.
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  9. #9
    That sounds like the one out of the Darwin Awards book, except the cop called the FBI and not the Captain. lol

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Posts
    1,210

    Re: How to handle a speeding ticket

    Originally posted by aragon
    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

    Officer: May I see your driver's license?
    Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

    Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
    Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

    Officer: The car is stolen?
    Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

    Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
    Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

    Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
    Driver: Yes, sir.

    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
    Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

    Captain: Who's car is this?
    Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
    Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
    Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

    Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
    Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.
    Just fantastic .
    Professor of crime at St Andrews university.

  11. #11
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    Jun 2002
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    1,874
    surely the cop would have checked out the guy's story before calling the cap'n. Thanks god I live in good ol UK, where the grass is green, and the cops have at least one brain cell still functioning whilst their on duty.

  12. #12
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    Thanks god I live in good ol UK, where the grass is green, and the cops have at least one brain cell still functioning whilst their on duty.
    It's a joke. It didn't really happen.
    Last edited by JayC; 08-25-2002 at 06:17 PM.
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  13. #13
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    Jun 2002
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    I know Just trying to sneak in a little patriotism whilst I've got the chance!

  14. #14
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    If youever do try that, tell me how it goes.

  15. #15
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    Originally posted by dbzgod
    If youever do try that, tell me how it goes.
    It'd go something like this: you'll be ordered out of your car, frisked and handcuffed. The cop will call a backup; a supervisor might arrive but probably not a captain. The FBI won't be there.

    They'll search your car thoroughly just short of completely dismantling it. It might be towed and impounded.

    Whether they find anything or not, you'll probably be taken into custody and may be arrested. And you'll definitely get the speeding ticket!

    Just in case anyone's really considering it...
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Posts
    889
    still, if anyone tries it, let us know

  17. #17
    I think the subject heading should have read How to NOT handle a speeding ticket
    Adam Heavens
    Server Centre Limited (www.servercentre.net)
    Exchange 2007 Hosting, Windows/Linux Hosting

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
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    The Woodlands, Tx
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    If you really wanna know how to get out of a speeding ticket, you tell the judge you werent doing the speed the cop claimed. Tell the judge you were doing 5-10 miles over that.

    You see, the prosecutor and judge cant change the charge after it been filed...at least not without your agreement (plea bargaining). I have beaten ticket's several times in this manner.

    Now however, I have pre-paid attorney services ($25/mth). I never have to go to court. These attorney services simply continuously delay court until the prosecutor drops it. In any case, speeding tickets are fairly easy to beat if you know how.

    For those of you in areas that use automatic camera's and they send you a ticket in the mail....put a slightly domed plexiglass "protective" cover over your plate. Then your plate wont show in the pic

    There's also another method that prevents a radar from being able to lock on you. On a normal car it works well from back and front. On a small truck (ie: Ford Ranger), you can only do it from the front......which is why I get tickets from a radar that's behind me. On a big truck, you cant do it.

  19. #19
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    Washington, USA
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    Good!

  20. #20
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    Originally posted by Webdude
    If you really wanna know how to get out of a speeding ticket, you tell the judge you werent doing the speed the cop claimed. Tell the judge you were doing 5-10 miles over that.
    Only problem with that is they are no more obligated to accept your word that you were going faster than you were charged with that they are to accept that you were going 5-10 miles slower.

    If you're in a court and a cop testifies that he clocked you at 75 and you say "no, I was going 80!" all he has to say is "when I clocked him, he was going 75. He may have gone faster either before or after that, though." And, you've made if pretty tough now to claim that you weren't speeding at all.

    I'd be very surprised if any judge, prosecutor, or cop would be baffled by that ploy.
    put a slightly domed plexiglass "protective" cover over your plate.
    May or may not work, depending on how the camera is positioned, lighting conditions, etc. If you can read the plate, there's a good chance the camera can, but under some circumstances, yeah... it won't. But be aware that the cover itself is illegal in a lot of jurisdictions.

    Best way to beat a ticket is not to get it in the first place, and there are things you can do to avoid it: first, be alert. On the highway, slow down when you see brake lights go on up ahead. Works better than any radar detector!

    If you get pulled over, first greet the cop the same way you would anyone else: whatever you're comfortable with. That probably means something like "what's up?" or "how's it going?" will work better than "Hello officer, sir." Talk to the cop like you would the mechanic at your garage, the bartender, the mailman, or anybody else you do business with without getting to know. Treat him or her like a regular person.

    When they ask if you know why you were pulled over, be vague but don't deny. You should always know what the speed limit you broke was, so say something like "I know I wasn't going 55!" for example, is better than saying "I was going 65" if you know you were in a 55-mile zone and were doing 75.

    If they say something like "you rolled through that stop sign," you're probably better off saying something like "really? I suppose it's possible, I try to watch that but... you are sure?" rather than "no way! I did not! You're blind!!!"

    Smile. Relax. Don't make a joke of it, but don't be defensive. Everybody speeds, and every cop accepts that -- they really aren't thinking you're a criminal, they aren't taking it personally, they really don't care. Unless you're doing something completely crazy, you have a pretty good chance of driving away scott-free if you handle things right (assuming that when your license is called in your record comes up clean. If you have a couple of tickets already, you'll have a tough time).

    Bonus tips: unless you're driving something that looks like a race car or a junker, or you have bumper stickers or something else about your car (or your appearance) that would cause it not to ring true, keep a preset on your radio tuned to a classical music station. When you get pulled over, turn that on. Seriously. It's completely wrong, but if you seem to be something like a "respectable businessperson" instead of a "street racer," your odds of not getting written up will be better.

    When the lights go on behind you, the first thing to do is turn on your turn signal to show you're pulling over. If you can't get over right away, point with your hand near your rear view mirror, making a gesture that you will pull over when you can. Always pull to the right, if possible, not the left median. Get as far over as you can. If it's night, turn on your dome light. Turn off your engine, and keep your hands on the wheel. Don't open the glove box, don't reach around, don't open your door to get out.

    The idea is to be the most stress-free traffic stop that cop has had in a long time. If a cop gets pulled over, those are the steps they'll take -- adding one more, of course, flashing the shield and saying "relax, dude, I'm on the job!"
    Last edited by JayC; 08-26-2002 at 01:40 AM.
    Specializing in SEO and PPC management.

  21. #21
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    Jul 2001
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    889
    JayC: "class dismissed! "

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