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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    4,033

    The Shoe Box (about marriages)

    A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

    For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

    In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

    She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

    He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

    The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. ! He almos t burst with happiness.

    'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

    'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    877
    As a married man my first thought was: Only $95,000?!?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Athens, Greece
    Posts
    1,479
    Yes, that's 197 dolls per year (with $8 per doll). Few fights definitely.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    4,033
    Quote Originally Posted by serverminds View Post
    As a married man my first thought was: Only $95,000?!?
    What do you expect? $950,000??
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    4,033

    Confessions and a Santa Claus

    A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

    The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

    The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

    The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.

    For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box .'

    The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

    He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

    The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
    'I saw that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

    The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box,
    and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
    Upon entering the confessional, she said,

    'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

    The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

    The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'

    The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

    The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

    The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



    Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

    Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services
    for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

    Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

    Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
    Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

    Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
    Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
    We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

    Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

    Man: 'What sins?'

    Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

    Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

    Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

    Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Ho Ho Ho, Gotta Go, Gotta Go

    A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve.

    Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the stockings.

    He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, 'Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away.'

    Santa replies, 'HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know.'

    The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, 'Oh, Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while.'

    Santa begins to sweat but replies, 'HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.'

    The girl takes off her bra and says, 'Oh, Santa. Please. Stay.'

    Santa wipes his brow but replies, 'HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go, gotta get the presents to the children, you know.'

    She loses the panties and says, 'Oh Santa... Please... Stay....'

    Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, 'HEY HEY HEY, gotta stay, gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney this way!
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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Chennai , India
    Posts
    4,608
    Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

    Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services
    for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

    Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

    Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
    Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
    I liked this very much!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Amidst several dimensions
    Posts
    4,321
    Catholic one is really funny.

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