Results 1 to 19 of 19
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    427

    Off-Topic: I am going to create my own search engine!

    I am going to go and start my own search engine and I have the business model all ready to go. I am going to call it! GrabbaDabbaDooble! Please let me know what you think!

    Firstly, I will create the best system to index all the websites on the Internet that you've ever seen in your life. My search engines will be so useful, ground breaking and intelligent, that it will become the talk of the world -- almost overnight.

    I will index all sorts of sites at first. I wont discriminate at all. I'll just go berserk with crawling, and list everything anything my bots can get a hold of. Of course this will mean that some of the results might not be entirely relevant, and webmasters will have to get used to building their websites in a certain fashion, in order to make sure their listings show up above the irrelevant ones -- but that wont matter at the start.

    So, in my plan, once I've pretty much got the entire world using my service, and I'm making stacks of money, what I'll do is this. Keep with me here, this is really crafty! I am so proud of myself! I just can't type fast enough -- I am so exited!

    I will begin to initiate "guidelines" which webmasters have to follow. Of course, they'll do it because they'll have no choice! See, once I have a monopoly over the search engine game, and my search engine is synonymous with "search", I can make people do what ever I tell them too, and get this:" here's the kicker! I can say that the rules have been designed for: "the Internet user experience". I'll also be able to get away with saying: "It is not a right to be listed in my index, it is a privilege". I wont even have to provide reasons for banning people's websites, because my guidelines will be so vague that practically any site can be banned by me, if I feel that it should be banned.

    Then, see, there's nothing anyone can do or say, and I can start displaying what I want, when I want and how I want, and if anyone complains about it, I can pull the "user experience" and "it's a privilege, not a right" gimmicks out of the bag. Furthermore, if anyone gets really upset, I can just use the excuse that the company is so large that I can't reply to them! I've got it all figure out!

    Now, I know that there's probably the concern that once I've got everyone under my thumb, that ethics questions will be raised, but I'll have such a monopoly over everything that such people wont really matter too much. They'll be like a flea trying to choke a dinosaur. Haha. This is a great plan! I'll ahve so much money and power, that people wonty even bother coming up against me. If they do, I'll just ruin them

    See, one plan I have to achieve this is to start selling paid links all over everyone's websites. I'll charge advertisers billions and billions of dollars to put links to the websites I control the rankings for online! I'll pay website owners a pittance (and even jib them from their real earnings) for displaying these ads all over their websites. If anyone decides to start selling links like me, what I'll do is ban them

    Did you get that? Yep! Ban them! I will make it a "Guideline" that no one is allowed to sell a link from their website, because it will affect my search engine's results. Oh, what about the other search engines? Don't worry about them! They'll barely exist as soon as I'm done. I'll just make sure that no one is buying any advertising from anywhere except from me! That's the real agenda behind my "you can't sell links or you'll affect my search engine and make it harder for the user experience" gimmick! Man I am so smart. I want to shave my head just so you can lick my head! If I was bald, you'd lick my head wouldn't you? Come on, don't tell me you wouldn't like to lick my bald head that's full of so many ingenious ideas! You'd want to!

    So once I've done all that, you know what I'll do? I'll create an application which goes through everyone's computers so that I can see all their files as well! Once I have the information of everyone online, as well as the power to display what I want and how I want on my search engine listings, no one will realize what my real plan was all along.

    But before I get to the real plan, I think I might purchase a large video blogging website as well. That way I'll also have the ability to physically identify all the people that I've pulled into my "service" -- you know, the one that's a "privilege and not a right" to use, and I'll have all the power to cross reference that with all the information I've cached from their computers, and I'll be able to use all that information to sell products to people knowing exactly what they want even before they realize they wanted it themselves!

    Aren't I a genius? Come on, say it! Yes MrLeN - you - are - a genius! Ahhh, music to my ears. That sound so nice. But yes, you are correct! A genius -- that I am! World's biggest genius!

    Now, the big master plan: Once I control 90% of the "searches" online, and all the information from everyone's computers and all their faces on video -- and once I've manipulated all that information into a format that helps me make more money on my search engine, while stomping out all the possible competition with "bannings" (oh and I love how I'll be able to get away with doing that willy-nilly, with the "privilege not a right" gimmick), and once I literally "own" the Internet, all traffic, the flow of all traffic and control all the opinions and sentiments that are available online, I can really capitalize on this whole thing!

    You want to know what I am going to do? I best you can't guess! No, you can't guess because MrLeN is the one with all the brains! Yes, you heard correctly, MrLeN is the one that's got it all sorted!

    I am going to finally manipulate all my databases and algorithms and information structure to completely own and control the first page of rankings for absolutely every search term you can think of! I'll start with the video blogging sites, because I want to encourage more people to give me a photo. Oh, but not before I start placing more and more sponsored ads all over the pages. In the end, it wont matter what people search for, there's no way known anyone will actually be able to get their website into the first page of my search engine listings -- no, not even if they try! If the little buggars are smart enough to beat my algorithms, I'll just ban them and pull the "privilege, not a right" gimmick out of the hat.

    One idea I have to get rid of all the competition -- you know, the people I don't want to prosper, is to put more and more non-product related websites on the first pages of my index. You know, thinks like "wiki's" and ".orgs" and "resource" sites, etc. They'll really screw anyone who's trying to sell something. I'll just do that until I am fully able to control the first page of listings entirely. It will take some work, but I'll get there. I've got it all sorted.

    But the best thing of all, is that once I totally own all the Internet traffic, have access to everyone's personal information, along with a mug shot -- I'll be able to create a service called: GrabbaDabbaDooble Bank!

    Yes, you heard right! GrabbaDabbaDooble Bank! I will finally have all the power to have access to everyone's financial information, and once I have that, there will be nothing stopping me from controlling the whole world. However, I'll stop right now, because my plan thereafter is a little to "ingenious" to publish. I just wanted to give you a basic outline of my plan

    What do you think? I just hope this hasn't been done before. Every idea I ever come up with seems to have been done before. Sheeesh!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Athens, Greece
    Posts
    1,479
    Nice metaphor. Are you not getting indexed or just having fun?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Your Site
    Posts
    73
    It sounds like fun to me, if not, it will be complicated. >_>

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    West Michigan, USA
    Posts
    9,675
    Bitter much?

    --Tina
    ||| 99.999% Uptime SLA!!!
    Plenty of space and bandwidth to fit your needs!
    www.AEIandYou.com - - (WP Friendly - Premium Reseller Hosting and Cheap Dedicated Servers)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Manchester, UK
    Posts
    89
    GrabbaDabbaDooble aye.

    I like the monopilisation thing.

    Google is an annoyance we all know it. But until the corporate idiots eventually realize that the user's ease of access comes first, maybe Yahoo and MSN could compete.

    Nice plan

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    4,376
    Great, good luck man. But you may have to upgrade from Hostgator's $4.95 Hatchling plan to their UNLIMITED! $12.95 Swamp plan.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Dallas
    Posts
    739
    I think someone is drunk

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Chicago, IL USA
    Posts
    2,781
    Quote Originally Posted by osphere View Post
    I think someone is drunk
    LMAO



    CloudRck.com - Host on Cloudrck
    Unmetered VPS Solutions at it's finest

  9. #9
    Firstly, don't use the word "firstly".

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Location
    West Michigan, USA
    Posts
    9,675
    Quote Originally Posted by grinninglion View Post
    Firstly, don't use the word "firstly".



    (filler text)
    ||| 99.999% Uptime SLA!!!
    Plenty of space and bandwidth to fit your needs!
    www.AEIandYou.com - - (WP Friendly - Premium Reseller Hosting and Cheap Dedicated Servers)

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    180
    Quote Originally Posted by osphere View Post
    I think someone is drunk

    I think too, wish he never drive. Go outrun google.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Tokyo, Japan
    Posts
    17
    Another half rack and I am right there with ya buddy.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Albany, New York
    Posts
    2,988
    I am not typing that every time I want to goto a search engine.

    Gabbadabbadooble?

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    The Woodlands, Tx
    Posts
    5,962
    Quote Originally Posted by osphere View Post
    I think someone is drunk
    I was just about to post that too....

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Ahh' UnderPants
    Posts
    1,012
    Do you need partners? I also hate google.



  16. #16
    You seem needlessly bitter.
    Ash Slaughter, former Systems Operator for Scratch Telecom
    Oracle Ninja, Linux Admin, Java/JSP Developer, Casual C#/ADO.NET/ASP.NET Monkey, Python Programmer, CCNA.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Fort Worth, TX
    Posts
    2,585
    MrLeN don't tell me you just wasted 30 minutes of your life writing this? I hope not .. life is too short!
    www.JGRoboMarketing.com / We Filter out the Bad Leads and Send you the Good ones!
    █ Office: (800) 959-0182 / Automated Lead Funnel Service

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Huddersfield, UK
    Posts
    1,479
    GrabbaDabbaDooble comes top in a google search
    ┣▇▇▇═─√v^√v^√♥
    - Proudly Hosted By: NetworkPanda.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    71
    What the duce? You stole my plan!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •