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Thread: Dear Santa

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    New Jersey USA

    Dear Santa

    Wife sent me this and in the holiday spirit I figure I would share a warm joyful cup of chuckles with all....

    deer santa:
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Frend, BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I
    send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
    your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!


    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
    joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?


    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
    and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
    Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom,
    who rides his @ss constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get
    you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family wi th


    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
    kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.


    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
    reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the sh!ts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
    riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.


    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give
    them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where
    I spend most of my time making l ow-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
    myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
    while losing money at the craps table.


    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
    like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
    your house.


    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
    could I have one?

    That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that [email protected] doesn't
    work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.


    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your @ss
    kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
    low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
    all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams,

  2. #2
    Damn, even Santa's becomming mean..ah least there's still the Easter Bunny..unless of course he's santa's neighbor in Vegas
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Oneida, NY
    Quote Originally Posted by eMax
    Wife sent me this and in the holiday spirit I figure I would share a warm joyful cup of chuckles with all....
    So mean...yet so amusing

    Thanks for sharing
    Nick Hudson - Prevail Host LLC -
    Premium Quality cPanel Hosting Services - CloudLinux, LiteSpeed & SSD
    WHMControl - Secure Your Server Logins & Automate Password Changes

  4. #4
    Good one.

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