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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    3,301

    Unhappy What a sad day ...

    I found out today that my mom has less than a year to live. This news isn't entirely unexpected because she has been battling brain tumors for the past 5 years, had close to a dozen operations, etc. She went for an MRI last week, and they say that the end is coming sooner than we'd like.

    She's already pretty bad off health wise - she fell and broke her arm this summer, and now basically has no use of that arm / hand, her memory is awful, she can hardly write anymore. Her health is just going to decline further, until she's basically just a shell, and then nothing at all.

    Apparently, they can do another operation but that will only extend things by a couple of months. Even when she was healthier and stronger, it took her so long to recover from an operation, I don't really know if she would gain anything by having another one.

    The worst part is that my younger brother has been taking advantage of her greatly - he got her to cosign on a $20,000 car last month, had her sign thousands of dollars of checks over to him, charging thousands more on her credit cards. He convinced my mom that my dad is having an affair (I am certain he is not). She doesn't realize that he's taking her for everything she has -- she thinks the extra attention he spends on her means that he loves her more than the rest of us!!! My dad wants him out of the house, and the police told my dad that he would have to legally evict him. How absurd is that!!!

    Sorry for venting on everyone, but this day just totally blows.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
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    Proud She-Geek
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    1,722
    I'm very sorry to hear of all the issues going on in your life right now, Jay Suds. I wish there were words that could magically make you feel better, but I know that even the best intentioned sayings usually end up tasting sour, if you know what I mean.

    When my father in law was in the hospital last spring (2004), he told my husband and BIL that he wasn't going to be around to see his second grandbaby be born. He had diabetes, early stage of Parkinsons, fibromylagia (sp?), and had to use a scooter to get around. He passed away in July '04.

    All I can say is try and cherish the time you have left with your mom. I wish you and your family all the strength you can get in the difficult road ahead.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Hartland, WI
    Posts
    716
    I'm very sorry to hear that, Jay.

    Spend as much time as you possibly can with the women who gave you life. Get her everything, follow her wishes. Ignore your brothers greed. She'll notice it.

    Get as much time with her as you can. Take care of your mother, will ya?

    Your family is in my prayers.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Atlanta
    Posts
    4,419
    sorry to hear the news - will say a prayer for you. have you sat down over a beer with your bro to have a heart to heart with him before he ruins his relationship with the family?
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  5. #5
    Jay Suds,

    I am really sorry to hear that. I understand your feeling. My mother died of cancer more than 10 years ago. The operations made my mother blind and deaf 6 months before she died. She could not saw our faces and heard our voices for 6 months before she died.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Nyc
    Posts
    108
    I feel that you should tell your mother what your brother is doing, he doesn't deserve to be in your mother's will.
    :|

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    24,009
    Jay,

    Sorry to hear of your bad news. That blows.

    And regarding your younger brother . . . .

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Buffalo, NY
    Posts
    2,626
    I'm sorry to hear about your problems. Unfortunately, my grandma passed away due to the same causes; a severe brain tumor, and was in the hospital for over 7 years. It's not easy to get over, especially because it's your mother. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    1,468
    Beat your brother up, or just toss him out. And go for the legally evicting - albeit I have no clue how to do it.

    Yeah, that is violent, and no its probably not right, but IMO it would be a good time, better now then any other reason.
    All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Denver, CO
    Posts
    3,301
    Thank you everyone for your replies. The situation with my brother is very difficult. Unfortunately, my mother doesn't believe and remember what anyone tells her about my brother. Additionally, my brother is just so far gone there's very little chance of reconciliation. He has a drug problem, and he has been in and out of rehab for the past 6-7 years. He is just a master manipulator.

    Here's an example about my brother's bad acts and my mother's health problems: Last week, my brother actually got my mom to call my parents lawyer, and she told him that she wanted a divorce, wanted to sue me for my brother (just because ...), and to sue the group home where my sister lives! 3 hours later the lawyer called my dad, my dad called my mother - and she didn't even recall the previous conversation she had with the lawyer. She thought we were making this up

    The lawyer suggested to my dad that it's time to take conservatorship over my mother's finances / legal dealings, and sadly I have to agree that this is necessary.
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  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2000
    Location
    Redmond, WA
    Posts
    310
    Jay,
    I understand some of what you're going through. My father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of August and just passed away a week ago. It's not easy to watch a family member fade away. In our case we were lucky enough to be able to afford living off of just my income so my wife was able to spend most of the past month with her parents. I hope that you are able to spend as much time as possible with your mother in the time she has left. Unfortunately this will be much shorter than it should be...

    I agree with the lawyer in that it is time for someone else (not your brother) to take guardianship over your mother. She is not in any sort of shape to be making her own decisions and from the sounds of things your brother is taking advantage of the situation. I just hope that your dad is able to prevent your brother from taking any more advantage of your mother.

    I wish you and your family all the best.
    Chris Spangler
    [email protected]

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Greater Chicagoland
    Posts
    181
    Sorry to hear about this. As for your brother a court can give yourself, your Father, or another individual power of attorney over your mother due to her health/mental state. That person would have full and sole control over her estate.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    11,059
    Very sad news, Jay. All you can do at this point is spend time with your Mom, make her feel comfortable, give her as much love as possible.

    And as for your brother, take the advice given by others here and get power of attorney over her finances.

    Vito
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  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Essex, England
    Posts
    548
    I can only echo what others have said in this thread.
    Make sure you take plenty of time to be with her, she'll appreciate the company no matter what.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Richmond, VA
    Posts
    3,102
    Jay Suds,

    Very sorry to hear this.

    You will be in my prayers.
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