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  1. #1
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    Shocking Discovery

    My wife's tubes are tied, we have had no intention of ever having more children. We have some friends in Utah who are fertile, but she gets pregnant and loses it shortly after. Something about her body simply not being able to sustain a baby in her. I first met, and became friends with Ken 9 years ago. He was working a dead beat job serving fast food, and really wanted out. He asked me for advice. I came up with an idea for him and how to go about doing it.

    He now runs his own business making a couple hundred thousand per month. Him and his wife have now asked us for help again. Help them have a child. They have offered close to $100,000 to cover mine and my wife's discomfort during the pregnancy, plus all medical, any loss of wages we may have (he's gonna regret that one..LOL), etc, etc. Basically a clinic will take his sperm and his wife's egg, mix them together, get the growth to a certain point, and insert it into my wife. She will carry the baby for them. I asked them about adopting, but they want their own. These are extremely good close friends. My wife wont turn them down and agreed to it. Leah and Erica (my wife) were actually discussing Leah's problem and came to the point of my wife telling her this option, later my wife told her that if I agreed, she would carry the baby for her. Thats when Ken and Leah made the official offer to me.

    This is a two part post. During my investigation of this stuff, I came across something that was shocking, at least to me. I know we have had our discussions here about gay couples adopting, a little investigating has led me to find they dont need to adopt, they have an alternative now.

    Two male partners want a kid. Why fight the red tape on adoption when you can buy some eggs, and pay a woman to carry the child for you? You see, if it's their sperm, and they bought the eggs, then what comes from that is theirs. It's all perfectly legal. After all, abortionists have done a good job of convincing the law that even after the two are combined, the product result still isnt human..... therefore, it is a product which can be bought and sold like anything else.

    One of the more prominent places that do this is:
    http://www.growinggenerations.com/
    Read and you will find...

    Ownership - Growing Generations is owned by gay and lesbian parents who have created their families through surrogacy, egg donation, and assisted reproduction. More importantly, they have more than 15 years of combined professional experience in the surrogacy industry and have dedicated their lives to assisting members of the gay and lesbian community achieve their dreams of parenthood.
    I realize now that even if you ban gay couples from adopting, they will get their kids anyway. While the methods may be questionable in many states, this is California::

    Location - Growing Generations is located in Los Angeles and specializes in matching clients with surrogates who reside in California due to the positive legal and medical environment for surrogacy and gay and lesbian parenting. Our clients from the United States and around the world have benefited from California's pre-birth paternity/maternity judgments and surrogacy laws.
    I just wanted to know what others think about this. I know some will see it as great news on one end, while on the other end of the scale some will think it totally sick. I'm not real sure where I stand on it.

  2. #2
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    Its not my place to say,

    But your wife will "carry" This child - and once its born - how do you know she wont automaticly become emotionally attached to the baby and regret giving it up (yes its not officialy her baby) but she still carried the baby etc,

    It must be a tough decision but need to cover all points.

  3. #3
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    Originally posted by Bully
    Its not my place to say,

    But your wife will "carry" This child - and once its born - how do you know she wont automaticly become emotionally attached to the baby and regret giving it up (yes its not officialy her baby) but she still carried the baby etc,

    It must be a tough decision but need to cover all points.
    We have already discussed all that. If I said no, she wouldnt do it, but since I am not against it, I left the choice up to her.

  4. #4
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    I think it's a bad idea, I've never liked the idea of surrogate mothers. There are plenty of kids for adoption that really need a familly.

    EDIT: Found some info on the web http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogate_mother
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  5. #5
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    There are plenty of kids for adoption that really need a familly.
    True, but they want the kid to have their genes. I don't know if the kid takes some if the mother's features (the one who carries the baby), but he will have the base from them and if that is what they want I can understand that...

    I don't know if I'd do that though (for a friend). If I were a woman, I would still have the feeling that I'm abandoning my baby... I don't know... But if both parties are fine with the idea then it is fine.

    A question though. Have you talked about what the kid will know from this whole thing? And being close friends, will you (or mainly your wife) look at that kid as if looking at your friends' child or as your (her) own? I think it is hard to tell now when you don't actually live it...

    I really wish you good luck with it since you said you thought about it and that is what you want to do...

  6. #6
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    crislem is right. Fact is, there arent that many "newborn babies" out there to adopt. They are all at least a few years old in the system. Of the newborns, many are crack babies and the such.

    As for my wife, well, everyone would be totally honest about how it was born and why. I guess he will have two mothers. Or my wife may be considered and Aunt, I dont know.

  7. #7
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    I know it helps to talk to other when we have problems and somethink is troubling us however I do not think this is the place for such a disgussion.

    You and your wife need to work this out for your selves, us telling you how we would react isn't going to help you. We cannot put ourselves in your shoes.

    I wish you and all concerned the best of luck which ever way you go. The choice is entirely up to you and your wife, no body else.

    Doc
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  8. #8
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    Originally posted by TheDoctor
    I know it helps to talk to other when we have problems and somethink is troubling us however I do not think this is the place for such a disgussion.

    You and your wife need to work this out for your selves, us telling you how we would react isn't going to help you. We cannot put ourselves in your shoes.

    I wish you and all concerned the best of luck which ever way you go. The choice is entirely up to you and your wife, no body else.

    Doc
    I had to triple check the username that posted this Very wise words TheDoc... as if Vito took control of your keyboard and wrote this.
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  9. #9
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    Re: Shocking Discovery

    Originally posted by Webdude
    . . . He now runs his own business making a couple hundred thousand per month.

    That's some nice coin. What does he do?
    Him and his wife have now asked us for help again. Help them have a child. They have offered close to $100,000 to cover mine and my wife's discomfort during the pregnancy, plus all medical, any loss of wages we may have (he's gonna regret that one..LOL), etc, etc . . . . . . I just wanted to know what others think about this. I know some will see it as great news on one end, while on the other end of the scale some will think it totally sick. I'm not real sure where I stand on it.
    Hmmm, there's no way I could handle my wife carrying another man's baby. We have 5 kids, and No.6 on the way, and I don't care how much $$$ is involved - it doesn't sit right with me. There's the potential for problems down the track, and it's not worth it. There's a special connection between Mother and baby. I've seen it many times now. As soon as the baby is delivered, no matter how much pain Wendy was in, the first thing she wanted was to see and hold her new baby. I find it hard to comprehend any women being able to not be attached, on a deep level, to the baby.

    That's just one Aussie's opinion.
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  10. #10
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    Re: Re: Shocking Discovery

    Originally posted by Aussie Bob


    Hmmm, there's no way I could handle my wife carrying another man's baby. We have 5 kids, and No.6 on the way, and I don't care how much $$$ is involved - it doesn't sit right with me. There's the potential for problems down the track, and it's not worth it. There's a special connection between Mother and baby. I've seen it many times now. As soon as the baby is delivered, no matter how much pain Wendy was in, the first thing she wanted was to see and hold her new baby. I find it hard to comprehend any women being able to not be attached, on a deep level, to the baby.

    That's just one Aussie's opinion. [/B]
    Bob, I was there for the Delivery of my Daughter Monica, now 4 years old and resides with me. Her mother pushed her away at birth. She took one look and physically and mentally push her away, and has been doing the same ever since. She tries her best to hide it, but most times she seems to think throwing money Monica's way will fix the problem,trouble is Monica is now realising this which is impacting on her negatively.

    Doc
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  11. #11
    I have to agree with the Doc, none of us here can really help you make your decision.

    I think you and your wife need to talk about it, and if you need a extra person to talk to, then i am sure there would be a helpline somewhere that might help you.
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  12. #12
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    I don't agree with surrogate mothers but that's my opinion. People are still free to do it.

    I personally would rather adopt.

  13. #13
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    If you and your wife can emotionally do this for your friend, that's an AWESOME gift to give and I applaud you in it. The gift of helping them have a healthy child is something that no money will ever repay. If your wife is healthy and emotionally capable of giving up the baby once it's born, and so are you, then I hope you have great luck and success. I'm sure your friend will never be able to tell you how much that means to him.

    Now on to your other subject. So? Ok so a gay man can get a woman to carry his child. Know what? He can do that without a doctor, just because he's gay doesn't stop him from getting a woman pregnant the old fashioned way either, nothing a little internet porn and a turkey baster won't solve.

    Know what else? It's not all that uncommon for gay men and lesbians to marry and have kids. I know two such couples, one is in their 70s now, he's gay and proud of it, his wife, however, is not but his leanings never bothered her and she was aware of them before they married, they had kids, grandkids, and I believe have some great grandkids on the way. Ask either of them and they're extremely happy with their lives and wouldn't trade or change a thing.

    What stops two gay men or women from giving a child a happy and loving childhood? Because they're GAY? Man there's worse things than your parents being fags, let me tell you, if the WORST thing you can find against them is that they're gay then that's hardly a big deal. When you have child molesting, beatings, drunks, abuse galore, broken families, and other crap to deal with, "my dads are gay" would seem almost a relief to many children.

    There are so many kids out there needing homes I am also all for allowing gay couples to adopt, perhaps with more stringent screening than might be normal.

    I know a single man who went to china and adopted 2 little chinese girls, they wouldn't let him adopt here in the States so off to China he went, no shortage of little girls to adopt over there, and as longas your money's green you can get one or two easy. They won't let him have a third however, they won't let single men adopt more than 2 for fear they might be prostituting them (I suppose). He's an awesome father, if a bit lenient, those little girls are.. to put it mildly, spoiled rotten. They're even spoiled compared to MY kid and you wanna talk about spoiled? He's spoiled.
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  14. #14
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    Originally posted by Dixiesys
    If you and your wife can emotionally do this for your friend, that's an AWESOME gift to give and I applaud you in it. The gift of helping them have a healthy child is something that no money will ever repay. If your wife is healthy and emotionally capable of giving up the baby once it's born, and so are you, then I hope you have great luck and success. I'm sure your friend will never be able to tell you how much that means to him.
    Gary just saved me a whole lotta typin

    Good luck.

  15. #15
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    I don't know the scientific facts here, but:

    How does 2 sperm's and 1 egg work? Dosn't the sperm carry half the chromosomes and the egg carrys the other half?
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  16. #16
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    Originally posted by Mekhu
    Gary just saved me a whole lotta typin

    Good luck.
    Exactly what I was thinking!

  17. #17
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    Originally posted by Oakii
    I don't know the scientific facts here, but:

    How does 2 sperm's and 1 egg work? Dosn't the sperm carry half the chromosomes and the egg carrys the other half?
    Let me explain how it works.

    The male of the species goes out and gets legless (intoxicated) then two or three weeks later the female of the species approaches the male and announces that she is with child (pregnant), and it is all down to the male. At this point the male asks "who the hell are you, have we ever met before?" Now it may not always happen this way in your life but that is the general trend in my life.

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  18. #18
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    know it helps to talk to other when we have problems and somethink is troubling us however I do not think this is the place for such a disgussion.
    I have to agree.

    I think this is something that the WHT members can't really help with.
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