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  1. #1
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    Unhappy I've been mollycoddled all my life :: Its done me no good

    I write this evening in dismay.
    I'm not getting on with my parents or some of the people around me, I have low confidence or self-esteem and very little self belief.
    I can only find two reasons for all my faults.
    One - As a child I was "mollycoddled" and this has given me traits that have done me no good in life and have made life hard for me.
    However, I then feel guilty for laying my faults on my upbringing, maybe its just the way the course of my life has led me to be selfish and unhappy.
    I am also very lucky and so feel that I should have no reasons to be unhappy - but I just am.

    I'm 16 - i'm confused. I don't know how to cope with this. I don't know who I am or what is in store for me.
    I just had to post - I'll probably feel guilty after posting this aswell.
    I just needed to vent this.

    Jord
    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius

  2. #2
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    Dec 2004
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    Hang in there, all's not lost, even for Mollycoddled boys

  3. #3
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    We all go through that stage around that period of our life.
    Good that you can recognise faults of your own - dont blame other for these faults - work on a future work on what interests you.

    What is mollycoddled????

  4. #4
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    Originally posted by FlightLizard
    What is mollycoddled????
    A person, especially a man or a boy, who is pampered and overprotected.

    -GSV
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  5. #5
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    That's the perfect definition.

    effusionx1, life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself. Decide who you want to be, how you want to feel, what you want to have, what you want to do, how you want to think, and then do everything you can to be that person and accomplish your goals.

    Maybe go to the library or book store and head over to the spirituality and self-help sections. Many authors have written many great books that can help you create meaning.

    Also, you're a teenager. I'm only 20 myself. What you and I have felt is normal for our age.

  6. #6
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    Originally posted by JonMB
    That's the perfect definition.

    effusionx1, life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself.
    That statement is about twice as mature as the age of the person making it. Beautiful

    Congratulations Jord. Welcome to being 16. Jon's advice is about as good as can be. While you're young enough to define yourself but old enough to have some introspection, decide what type of person you want to be. Decide who you want to be, and become that person. Create you, by you, for you. No one will ever be able to take it away from you.

    I went through the exact same experience when I was 17. I changed my life, and every experience since then, good or bad, is mine to own and is a part of me because I took the time to decide for myself who I should be. This person evolves over time, but it is always you.

    A bit on the side, I have a little saying: I'll never be alone as long as I have myself
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  7. #7
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    I am not sure if this is comforting at all but the time flies. By the time you turn around you'll be thirty. Any age has it's good and bad sides but you are 16 only once. Forget about philosophy, and "finding yourself" and all that stuff. Go out and get girl/boy or something else that makes you feel good and have as much fun as humanly possible.

  8. #8
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    I have an URL for you,

    http://www.goarmy.com
    Last edited by GoTek-JP; 07-07-2005 at 12:28 AM.
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  9. #9
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    I'm 16, I feel the same. Just don't concentrate on thoughts like this - try to distract yourself. Go do something you enjoy, its what I always do, you'll feel better Thinking about it doesn't help...

  10. #10
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    Originally posted by ataylor
    I'm 16, I feel the same. Just don't concentrate on thoughts like this - try to distract yourself. Go do something you enjoy, its what I always do, you'll feel better Thinking about it doesn't help...
    With that thinking you'll end up snorting coke. It's perfectly normal to think the way he thinks because he's not 10 anymore and needs to start planning his future.

    In my previous post I gave you the URL to the US military (I don't even know if you're in the states anyway) it's because I believe the military can help you put your priorities in order and what you learn there will be more than useful in your life.

    Just my $0.02.
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  11. #11
    I was a shy, sheltered bright kid. My life went severely downhill when my dad died and I experienced unbelieveable hardships and situations. Turned me into a hardassed person who is actually a little too assertive and rude sometimes, but with most of my good traits intact along with a backbone of steel.

    You either get crumbled to nothing or you learn a whole lot about staying on your feet.

    My advice to you is read, as much as you can. Read about the lives and personal accounts of great men, philosophy, and real adventure. Give yourself something to want to live up to.

    You'll be surprised what you have in you when you get goals, whether they are to be someone who is remembered for their accomplishments and greatness or just to live for another year.
    So far I have not needed to make 31 posts thanks to the search function.

  12. #12
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    Re: I've been mollycoddled all my life :: Its done me no good

    Originally posted by effusionx1
    Jord
    How did you draw the conclusion that the pamering lead to your low self-esteem ?

  13. #13
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    Aug 2002
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    Quit wasting your time thinking about stuff like this. The army isn't the best place to determine your prority because it will cut you off from the world of female.

    When you are a dad, you would probably treat them the same way you were treated. You would probably be so overprotective of them that you would be so scare if your baby slide of the couch onto the ground. But of course, you would be so over protective to not leave your baby on the couch so it can slide off and break it neck. I am sure you will be a great dad.

  14. #14
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    Well here are some suggestions that might help.

    1. Join a sport team. Even if you suck at it, at the end of the season you will have made new friends and gained some confidence.
    2. Don't be afraid to disagree with your parents. I am not saying to be rude or rebelious. However if you don't agree with certain decisions of theirs or things they say, let them know in a nice way.
    3.Get a job. Since you are 16 you can get a job. That experience and the cash that you earned through your very own hard work will give you a feeling of independence.
    Last edited by E_man3; 07-07-2005 at 04:46 AM.

  15. #15
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    Well this is from an old man (32 years of age).

    I remember being in my mid-teens and trying to survive highschool. Maybe I had an advantage both being on most of the athletic teams:

    football, sprinter, hockey team, swim team - well you get the idea.

    I was also pretty much a straight 'A' student, and at 15 discovered that wearing full black clothing was something I was most comfortable in. Hell, even today my waredrobe is still 90% black - makes it easy to get dressed in the dark.

    A few friends of mine were in the same boat. We 'fit in' within almost every social strata of the school, and yet were always 'outside' the 'mainstream' of what was expected of us.

    Regarding your concern, all the people I knew and respected - some of which I still have as deep friends today - grew up with a simple principle in mind... taught to us by our parents (after a fashion).

    Remember who you are.
    Realise what your strengths are.
    Be confident in those strengths.
    When someone 'makes fun' of you think about why they're doing it.
    Most often it's because they have a 'weakness' they're trying to hide.
    If you think hard enough you'll find that weakness.
    Counter their weakness with a strength of your own.
    Stand tall, and be confident in who you are, and never back down.

    Highschool is a baptism of fire. 'Kids' can be very cruel, and I've seen many a person get drowned in the process - my wife was someone who suffered greatly in school (asian girl in a 'white' area). Her self confidence suffers to this day (she's 27).

    I have a five year old daughter due to start school in a few months. We trade insults (within reason) and she knows the difference between Daddy 'making fun' and 'laying down the law'. Every now and then we go into 'name-calling' so she'll understand that it's not always personal when someone calls you something. My wife and I also make sure she's 'self-confident' when she's right and we're wrong (within reason).

    I'll also admit however, we're very protective of her, and she's rarely out of our sight - thought we're allowing her to express her freedom as we feel she's learning and getting older, and though it can give us heart failure at times, it's something she *needs* to do if she's going to grow into a responsible, confident person.
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  16. #16
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    I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread.
    I will print this page out - and read each post in detail.
    Maybe one day I will be able to build a style and status for myself.

    Jord
    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius

  17. #17
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  18. #18
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    I had the lowest confidence when I was 18, but then I got a job in a night club, and after a few months I had completly changed. Up until this point I never ever danced....now its a job stopping me

    Go out and make yourself...
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  19. #19
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    Originally posted by E_man3
    3.Get a job. Since you are 16 you can get a job. That experience and the cash that you earned through your very own hard work will give you a feeling of independence.
    I think this is good advice. It won't solve all your problems, but getting a job changed me a lot.

    I'm now 19. A couple years ago my parents insisted I get a job. Your description was pretty close with mine, and I think I'm kind of scarred from middle school, particularly with what you mention about self-confidence. If it's any consolation, I think there's a lot of people in the same boat as you.

    I first got a job as a waiter and, well, it didn't last long. My second try elsewhere, however, landed me a job at a bowling alley, where I'm still working today. It's really helped me break out of my shell -- I used to be really extroverted. Not to be discouraging, but I should note that it's not too uncommon to lose a job, so if you land yourself a job and it doesn't last, don't get too discouraged. Just try again. I had this insane professor who always told us that we should look forward to failure. It almost makes sense: you have to stand up and trip over yourself before you learn to walk, but you want to do it anyway.

    There's a lot of advice here, but I don't think anything here (a job, the Army, joining a sports team, reading, snorting coke -- kidding!) is going to be a magical cure: it'll take time, but things'll get better if you try. And if nothing else helps, know that a lot of people are going through exactly what you're going through.

    I'll probably feel guilty after posting this aswell.
    I just needed to vent this.
    Don't feel guilty! I know exactly the feeling you're describing, when you come to regret what you posted. But don't. Sometimes you really have got to vent something that's been bugging you. And one thing I love about WHT as opposed to other forums is that people here actually care.

  20. #20
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    I read an article a few years ago, it detailed how America's late teen (18-21) population is (to put it bluntly) some of the most useless demographics to be found anywhere in the world, how our children are extremely low on the productivity totem pole, in things like maturity, employability, and all sortsa "real life" factors.

    But the flip side the article went on, is that by the late 20's and early 30's that totally reverses and our young adults are some of the most hard working productive population groups found anywhere on the planet.

    The point is, the US has a seriously hardcore "school of hard knocks" that turns all our teenaged woosy boys into hardened bread winning go get'em MEN.

    Yes children are too mollycoddled (great word). Every little booboo, sneeze, sniffle, etc and my wife wants to run our kid to the doctor, get him medicine, etc. I never had health insurance growing up, before we were taken to a doctor or ER we were confirmed to be ferdamnsure SICK or INJURED. I broke my leg when I was 5 years old, my folks didn't think it was that serious and I didn't get taken to a doctor until nearly 3 days later. I wrecked my bike on a Friday evening, my folks were pretty sure it was broken by sat morning but, they didn't want to take me to the ER since it'd cost an arm and a leg (hehe leg) so they waited till Monday morning so they could take me to our family doctor for a regular office visit.

    See that's how boys grow up to be tough men. Coddling is for girls
    Gary Harris - the artist formerly known as Dixiesys
    resident grumpy redneck

  21. #21
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    Feb 2003
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    Originally posted by J-P
    With that thinking you'll end up snorting coke. It's perfectly normal to think the way he thinks because he's not 10 anymore and needs to start planning his future.

    In my previous post I gave you the URL to the US military (I don't even know if you're in the states anyway) it's because I believe the military can help you put your priorities in order and what you learn there will be more than useful in your life.

    Just my $0.02.
    Hardly I've had cognitive therapy for depression.. bad thoughts lead to bad feeling. Distract yourself with something you enjoy (not.. snorting coke) takes your mind of things and helps you to feel better.

    I strongly disagree with joining the army, for a number of reasons. But thats offtopic...

    Andy

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