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  1. #1

    Lets say you really like your best friends girlfriend....

    What would you do? Lets say these two people are your best friends. You see them both pretty much every day. Lets say you spend a lot of time with the girl since she is off work before the boyfriend. You do almost everything together. You like her so much that the thought of going out and dating some other girl pretty much never comes to mind and when it does you think nothing of it. You do pretty much everything together with this girl, from hanging out to grocery shopping and think of her 24/7. They have been dating about three years and live together. Lets say it breaks your heart seeing them so happy together because you wish more than anything in the world that you could be him even just for a second. You have everything in common with her, this is why you got so close with her so fast. You are pretty much the same person as she is. You like the exact same music, tv shows, music, food, ect. You know she is 100% comfortable since you have fallen asleep together many times watching movies. You CAN'T say anything about this to anyone since you don't want to lose your best friend and you don't know what would become of the girl. What would you do?
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  2. #2
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    Dunk my head into cold water and remind myself of the situation
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  3. #3
    Can't say that I tried that one yet
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  4. #4
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    I'm not sure what you are looking for here but if you even have thoughts of making a move on this girl then you are no friend at all.
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  5. #5
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    Well, unless you want to keep feeling these repressed thoughts, you're going to have tell both of them. It's pretty simple, really. You might lose one or both of them as friends, but at least then you've done all you can to make your position known. Perhaps she'll like you better, anyhow. Maybe she just thought you weren't interested in her romantically, so she never said or did anything.
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  6. #6
    Originally posted by blue27
    I'm not sure what you are looking for here but if you even have thoughts of making a move on this girl then you are no friend at all.
    I'm not planning and will never make any moves at all. Just feel like getting some thoughts off my chest and/or get other peoples thoughts
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  7. #7
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    What your describing is what most people on cheaters end up on television because your friend trusts you with his girlfriend. I certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for breaking up a 3 year relationship especially since they've been living together for that long. I can only say that you go out and find another girl who shares the same interests as you. I really like my friend alot and if she were single i'd ask her out, but since she has a boyfriend its a no go for me unless they were to break up.
    Kerry Jones
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  8. #8
    We hang out together so much that people have been spreading around we are sleeping together on the side.
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  9. #9
    Originally posted by Kerry Jones
    What your describing is what most people on cheaters end up on television because your friend trusts you with his girlfriend. I certainly wouldn't want to be responsible for breaking up a 3 year relationship especially since they've been living together for that long. I can only say that you go out and find another girl who shares the same interests as you. I really like my friend alot and if she were single i'd ask her out, but since she has a boyfriend its a no go for me unless they were to break up.
    exactly. I would be disgusted with myself if I broke them up. I would feel bad asking her out even if they broke up by themselves
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  10. #10
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    well it would be ok if they were to break up, but its always honorable to ask your friend first before asking her out. I had to do the same with one of my friends before asking his old ex out.

    in simple terms... its just courtesty and respect.
    Kerry Jones
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  11. #11
    I just want to clear this up for everyone. I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE A MOVE TO BREAK UP THEIR RELATIONSHIP. Please understand that everyone. I would be a horrible friend if I was to do this and would never be able to look at myself again.
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  12. #12
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    Originally posted by Jake721
    We hang out together so much that people have been spreading around we are sleeping together on the side.
    Well, to rephrase what I said before, if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your [male] friend, I think your best bet would be to start hanging out with different people. It's very painful to like somebody romantically and to hang out with them so often, if they're not interested in you that way at all or if you have social restrictions like the ones you're describing. Sometimes, that's just how things work out. I don't know how much you want to go on hanging out with this girl just as a friend if your feelings extend beyond the boundaries of a friendship, and you certainly don't want to find yourself in a potentially "questionable" situation.
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  13. #13
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    Originally posted by Jake721
    I would be a horrible friend if I was to do this and would never be able to look at myself again.
    There's a cure for that: get rid of all your mirrors.
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  14. #14
    Originally posted by SniperDevil
    Well, to rephrase what I said before, if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your [male] friend, I think your best bet would be to start hanging out with different people. It's very painful to like somebody romantically and to hang out with them so often, if they're not interested in you that way at all or if you have social restrictions like the ones you're describing. Sometimes, that's just how things work out. I don't know how much you want to go on hanging out with this girl just as a friend if your feelings extend beyond the boundaries of a friendship, and you certainly don't want to find yourself in a potentially "questionable" situation.
    Tried this. It only flew for less than a week. She was always asking me to go out somewhere and I really did miss her a lot. We always have a lot of fun together.
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  15. #15
    Originally posted by SniperDevil
    There's a cure for that: get rid of all your mirrors.
    hahahaha
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  16. #16
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    Well, to rephrase what I said before, if you don't want to ruin your relationship with your [male] friend, I think your best bet would be to start hanging out with different people.
    The problem with this SniperDevil is if you decide to avoid your friends whats the point of having them as your buddies? It just really requires self control over the situation like I do with my friend.

    The only way your going to cure this is by finding a girlfriend that has alot in common with you and once you fall in love you won't have to worry about this at all. I'm sure there is plenty of single women in your area that have common interests with you.
    Kerry Jones
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  17. #17
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    gah..

    I hate these situations....
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  18. #18
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    Originally posted by Jake721
    Tried this. It only flew for less than a week. She was always asking me to go out somewhere and I really did miss her a lot. We always have a lot of fun together.
    Why don't you tell her your feelings then??? Jeez, man, get it over with, because sooner or later, something's going to happen. I won't elaborate, because I have no idea what this "something" will be, but something will happen that will obstruct or promote your relationship(s).
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  19. #19
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    Why don't you tell her your feelings then??? Jeez, man, get it over with, because sooner or later, something's going to happen. I won't elaborate, because I have no idea what this "something" will be, but something will happen that will obstruct or promote your relationship(s).
    bad idea sniper because we don't know how the friend would react about this or it could indeed cause a breakup between the two.
    Kerry Jones
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  20. #20
    Originally posted by Kerry Jones
    bad idea sniper because we don't know how the friend would react about this or it could indeed cause a breakup between the two.
    I'm pretty sure all three of us would not be as close of friends. The other two may even fall apart a little. I'm not sure what would happen if I was to spill the beans to be honest
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  21. #21
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    Originally posted by Kerry Jones
    bad idea sniper because we don't know how the friend would react about this or it could indeed cause a breakup between the two.
    Well, I can't logically see why the friend would mind if Jake was open with him about his feelings for his friend's girlfriend. You can't control or change your feelings; feelings are feelings, and unless you understand that, you're going to get ticked off at just about anything someone feels or says. He should tell him tactfully, but frankly, that he has feelings for his girlfriend, but that he won't do anything questionable with her. If he must, he may have to dissolve his friendship with the girl, but in my experience, when I've had feelings for a girl, I've always wanted to say something.
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  22. #22
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    Most people are shallow, just be like everyone else. if your young go ahead and go for it, you can find another friend. but some people must be offended at that. So dont do that.


    yes yes, flame on.
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  23. #23
    Originally posted by 3rdcoast
    Most people are shallow, just be like everyone else. if your young go ahead and go for it, you can find another friend. but some people must be offended at that. So dont do that.


    yes yes, flame on.
    I would kick my own *** if I was to follow this. I wouldn't even have to let my friend take care of that
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  24. #24
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    Well, Jake, I guess my first question is do you think she feels the same for you? Has she given you any indication (serious flirting, etc)?

    This is a tough situation, no doubt about it. I feel for you; I know how hard it is to want someone you can't have. I was in a similar situation except I was the one already involved with another. Some days you just feel like tearing your hair out, but (in my case) in the end all I could do was tell myself over and over that if it was meant to be between us it would eventually happen. It really took a lot of pressure off me and helped me relax.

    FYI we did date briefly after my ex-bf and I broke up but then he (the new bf) went off to college and we just sort of reverted back to being good friends.

    Good luck to you; I hope one way or another you're able to find happiness!
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  25. #25
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    Well it's not right to make a move now, if and only if they brake up then make sure you're around. You're like a shark smelling an open wound, you attack as soon as you smell it.

    May I ask you how old you two are ? If you guys are young then I'm pretty sure that relationship with your friend won't last forever so you just have to be patient.
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  26. #26
    Originally posted by P-nut
    Well, Jake, I guess my first question is do you think she feels the same for you? Has she given you any indication (serious flirting, etc)?

    kind of. I don't flirt with her (at least I don't think) and I like her so even if she does not it does not mean she does not feel the same. She talks about me all the time when i'm not around and asks me to come over and hang out, watch movies, go shopping, grab soem food, ect.
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  27. #27
    Originally posted by J-P
    Well it's not right to make a move now, if and only if they brake up then make sure you're around. You're like a shark smelling an open wound, you attack as soon as you smell it.

    May I ask you how old you two are ? If you guys are young then I'm pretty sure that relationship with your friend won't last forever so you just have to be patient.
    i'm 21 and she is now 22. She just had her birthday last week.
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  28. #28
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    Even if my friends broke up I still would not even ask her out. First it would be very strange, and I would feel that I back stabbed one of my friends. I have friends who dated for almost 5 years and they broke up. Though I find the female friend really good looking I would never date her.
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  29. #29
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    4 words: life's a bitch!
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  30. #30
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    *Just my two cents*

    I would NOT tell either one about it. I can't see that accomplishing anything other than making all three of you uncomfortable with each other. It might feel a bit good to get it off your chest in the short term, but long term wouldn't hold much hope for a positive outcome. There are some things that are just best kept to yourself, and this is one of those things.

    Really, you need to ask yourself what you want for your life that is REALISTIC to achieve. Realistically, it's almost a for sure thing that you will never be more than "just friends" with the girl because even if she and your friend were to break up, it would still be a very uncomfortable thing to start a romantic relationship with her. Maybe not impossible, but still not a very realistic thing to hope for.

    I remember a quote from someone that went something like "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you already got" (something like that). Basically, think about it... if you keep doing every day the same things you've been doing - hanging out with her pretty much to the exclusion of finding someone else who IS a realistic possibility for you, then where will you be in, say, 5 years from now? Or even next year? Still hanging out with her and wishing it could be more? Is that what you really want?

    No reason to stop seeing her or your friend, but you DO need to widen your horizons and start seeing other people too. DON'T compare every other woman you meet with your friend's girlfriend, you are setting too high a bar for a new woman that way. Just go ahead and see other women just to have a good night out, nothing more. Eventually you will "click" with someone else. It might take some time, but it will happen. In the meantime, just have some fun. Nothing wrong with that.
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  31. #31
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    Originally posted by Googled
    4 words: life's a bitch!
    well, that would be either 3 or 5.. but definitely not 4


    I feel for you... I haven't been there exactly, but i've felt similar at times.
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  32. #32
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    Oh God, this reminds me of a recent fun event.

    I recently broke up with my fiancee. We were together since 1999. The reason we broke up, you ask? Her and my best friend got together behind my back.

    Who needs enemies with friends like mine? It's the worst feeling I've ever had. It's changed the way I trust people - I'm 100x more careful now.

    Just think about that next time you can't help but feel in love with her.

    My ex-fiancee and ex-friend have their new relationship, but no honor. How can they truly trust eachother when they screwed me?

    And it's funny because one of the reasons my ex says she didn't want to be with me was because she felt our spiritual beliefs were changing. She's right - my beliefs don't allow cheating.

    Man, don't screw your friends.
    Last edited by JonMB; 06-21-2005 at 11:41 PM.
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  33. #33
    Originally posted by Hiccups


    I would NOT tell either one about it. I can't see that accomplishing anything other than making all three of you uncomfortable with each other. It might feel a bit good to get it off your chest in the short term, but long term wouldn't hold much hope for a positive outcome. There are some things that are just best kept to yourself, and this is one of those things.
    100% correct


    Originally posted by Hiccups

    Basically, think about it... if you keep doing every day the same things you've been doing - hanging out with her pretty much to the exclusion of finding someone else who IS a realistic possibility for you, then where will you be in, say, 5 years from now? Or even next year? Still hanging out with her and wishing it could be more? Is that what you really want?
    this is 100% correct also. I have been seeing her almost every day for the past seven months maybe. Almost a year already. I may be taking on a full time night job so I wouldn't really have a chance to see her because she works days. She told me she would kick my *** and make me quit if I was to take it I need the money so bad though.


    Originally posted by Hiccups

    No reason to stop seeing her or your friend, but you DO need to widen your horizons and start seeing other people too. DON'T compare every other woman you meet with your friend's girlfriend, you are setting too high a bar for a new woman that way.
    I hate that I keep comparing everyone to her but i'm doing it without even noticing i'm doing it.
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  34. #34
    Originally posted by JonMB

    Just think about that next time you can't help but feel in love with her.

    I can't help the feelings. All I can do is not act on them, and I won't.
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  35. #35
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    Originally posted by Jake721
    All I can do is not act on them, and I won't.
    I sure hope you stick to that man.
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  36. #36
    Originally posted by JonMB
    I sure hope you stick to that man.
    going on a year
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  37. #37

    Re: Lets say you really like your best friends girlfriend....

    Originally posted by Jake721
    You CAN'T say anything about this to anyone since you don't want to lose your best friend and you don't know what would become of the girl. What would you do?
    So you go and post it on one of the largest PUBLIC forums on the net.. lol

    Anyways it sounds like something from a teen movie...Your best bet might be just to tell your friend that you are developing feelings that you shouldn't and you need space, If you're good friends and he's a smart guy he will understand that feelings are UNCONTROLLABLE, and will help give you the space between you guys.. If anything comes of it, at least he will know you were honest enough and hear it from you first..

    Thats only if you can't just keep a cork on it for the rest of their relationship..

    Another thing you might want to try, is talking to her about finding you a girl... If it was the 4 of you there might be better chances that you can develop feelings for the other girl while still being around her w/o feeling like you are after her..
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  38. #38

    Re: Re: Lets say you really like your best friends girlfriend....

    Originally posted by Trifolic
    So you go and post it on one of the largest PUBLIC forums on the net.. lol
    she does not even know the first step to turning on a computer, nor does he. I feel safe about posting it
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  39. #39

    Re: Re: Re: Lets say you really like your best friends girlfriend....

    Originally posted by Jake721
    she does not even know the first step to turning on a computer, nor does he. I feel safe about posting it
    You would be amazed at how small this world really is...I have a story about that, but I won't hijack your thread..
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  40. #40

    Re: Re: Re: Re: Lets say you really like your best friends girlfriend....

    Originally posted by Trifolic
    You would be amazed at how small this world really is...I have a story about that, but I won't hijack your thread..
    pm?
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