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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    can guys ever be trusted??!!! ack! big disappointment!

    ok, here is the deal... im not putting this up to rant on guys at all... but something happened that was rather unbelievable to me... now dont criticize me, im not having a good day so dont kick me when im down!

    im going to be 40 next month and back in the mid-late 80s i had my first boyfriend (ya i started late!!) we were together almost 4 years and it just never progressed to the level i wanted. so i met someone else and we got married within 2 weeks (seriously!)

    i didnt see my first boyfriend since, but we have talked a lot over the years (not in a sexual way). he got married probably about 7 years ago and just had his second kid. always was a decent guy for teh most part. he still lives in vegas and i am in minneapolis (about 1800 miles apart)

    so a couple of months ago he comes to town. he had wanted to see me but i blew him off. had too much going on.

    he was planning on coming here in may and we were going to get together (not in a sexual way!!!!) i was doing it mainly out of curiousity and of course, in the hopes of seeing him having gotten really fat and ugly! haha

    well last nite he AIMS me and this is what happened... (im in shock!)

    ----
    HIM (11:49:59 PM): If we hook up, I want u focused
    ImLaurenStephens (11:50:08 PM): what?
    ImLaurenStephens (11:50:19 PM): what do you mean
    ImLaurenStephens (11:51:46 PM): ???????????????
    HIM (11:54:23 PM): Like u said, u don't feel well, you're preoccupied. It's understandable.
    ImLaurenStephens (11:54:42 PM): what are you talking about
    HIM (11:55:08 PM): My typing is slow. I'm on a blackberry.
    ImLaurenStephens (11:55:27 PM): great
    HIM (11:56:06 PM): Do u want to meet up?
    ImLaurenStephens (11:56:36 PM): welll, ya
    ImLaurenStephens (11:56:39 PM): i told you that
    HIM (11:57:01 PM): Ok
    ImLaurenStephens (11:57:38 PM): well what do you mean, meet up?
    ImLaurenStephens (11:57:40 PM): what are we doing
    HIM (11:58:16 PM): Why didn't u show up last time?
    ImLaurenStephens (11:58:32 PM): i dont recall what happened
    HIM (11:59:06 PM): You know what I mean
    ImLaurenStephens (11:59:34 PM): no i really dont
    HIM (12:04:23 AM): Should our meeting be social or physical?
    ImLaurenStephens (12:04:33 AM): are you serious?
    ImLaurenStephens (12:04:46 AM): it never occured to me youd want it to be physical
    HIM (12:05:01 AM): Ya
    HIM (12:05:59 AM): Sorry u don't want that
    ImLaurenStephens (12:06:09 AM): youre married michael!
    HIM (12:06:51 AM): Does that matter 2 u?
    ImLaurenStephens (12:06:59 AM): why wouldnt it
    ImLaurenStephens (12:07:05 AM): and it should definitely matter to YOU
    ImLaurenStephens (12:07:15 AM): wow you totally blew my image of you
    HIM (12:07:58 AM): Ok, forget the whole thing
    ImLaurenStephens (12:08:11 AM): so you were only gonna see me to haev sex?
    HIM (12:10:03 AM): Forget the physical suggestion
    HIM (12:19:57 AM): Should I let u go?
    HIM (12:21:08 AM): I guess so
    --------

    now seriously! what is the deal with that! cant anyone be trusted!! i dont consider myself to be naive at all!! and he knows i have a boyfriend!! why would someone do this! i feel really stupid! but i am GLAD he clarified this in advance!
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    8,535
    So he lives in Las Vegas, NV with his wife and kids, and you live in Minneapolis, MN? There's no problem with that. As long as his wife and kids stay in Vegas, then they're in a different county. It's not cheating then.
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    Twin Cities Area
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    oh brother....

    the whole thing is disgusting!

    i cant imagine what his wife would say about all this!

    should i tell her?

    i cant believe it!
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Manchester, UK
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    2,132
    Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
    oh brother....

    the whole thing is disgusting!

    i cant imagine what his wife would say about all this!

    should i tell her?

    i cant believe it!
    Telling her means risking your friendship but he doesn't seem to be much of a friend.

    Tell her.
    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    42
    No, don't tell his wife, that will only cause more drama then needed, then you'll look like the raving, psycho ex-girlfriend because I am sure that's what he'll tell his wife. I would however inform your boyfriend about this. Let him know he was being a creep and what his intentions were, he should be kept in the loop. Just cut contact and any ties with the other guy, don't turn it into a situation, he does have a wife and kids and you don't want to cause problems for his family. Like you said, it's a good thing he brought it up in advance, now you never have to deal with him again.
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  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Pflugerville, TX
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    Men are a**holes. You'll never catch me dating one!

    Seriously though, I don't think there's a wrong answer to your question about telling her. You're perfectly justified to stay out of it and have no communication with him again. You're perfectly justified telling her. It all depends on how involved you're willing to be. No one would fault you either way, regardless of how you choose to go.
    Studio1337___̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__Web Design
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  7. #7
    Originally posted by the_pm
    Men are a**holes. You'll never catch me dating one!
    Ditto

    Seriously though, I don't think there's a wrong answer to your question about telling her. You're perfectly justified to stay out of it and have no communication with him again. You're perfectly justified telling her. It all depends on how involved you're willing to be. No one would fault you either way, regardless of how you choose to go.
    I disagree. While it might have been a very creepy and rude assumption on his part, what's to say that this is the first time he has ever thought about it? And now that Lauren has made him see the light, he goes back to loving his wife and kids more than ever without another thought of cheating. You could really tear a family apart with something like this. If there were no kids in the loop, I would say tell her. But my vote is to steer clear of the entire situation.

    But, as someone stated, you do need to tell your boyfriend. He deserves to know and you have nothing to hide.
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  8. #8
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    Originally posted by Goldfish
    I would however inform your boyfriend about this. Let him know he was being a creep and what his intentions were, he should be kept in the loop.
    im sure the pm will agree, that may be a bad idea....

    he would probably think it was weird that i was going to meet up with the guy... and maybe he would be right....

    curiousity killed the cat as they say... it was a stupid idea.

    i dont think telling his wife is going to benefit anyone. on the one hand, id certainly want to know, but on the other hand, he didnt actually DO anything, but still.... ack... life is so weird...

    ps and thank you vanhost. very thoughtful post. maybe im oversensitive but this really disturbs me... that could have been ME he was married to... should have expected it though, he DID cheat on me... grrrrr whats funny is that he doesnt even know how i look. i could be some 500 lb, bald, gross woman now, its been 15 years!
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
      0 Not allowed!

  9. #9
    Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
    he would probably think it was weird that i was going to meet up with the guy... and maybe he would be right....

    curiousity killed the cat as they say... it was a stupid idea.
    Might I ask why you didn't tell him in the first place? Was there something to hide...????
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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    This is why I'm a lezbian .
    Myles Loosley-Millman - admin@prioritycolo.com
    Priority Colo Inc. - Affordable Colocation & Dedicated Servers.
    Two Canadian facilities serving Toronto & Markham, Ontario
    http://www.prioritycolo.com
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  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
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    of course not... im totally devoted to my BF. i do know how i would feel though if he announced he was going to meet up with his first girlfriend... id totally freak out!

    gee, now im starting to feel like a real heel something that seemed so harmless just gets out of hand...
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
      0 Not allowed!

  12. #12
    Originally posted by porcupine
    This is why I'm a lezbian .
    You too? Yeah, I love women, I said it
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  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
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    I would drop it. You tell her & he tells her you are lying. If you were friends with her - you won't be. Don't talk to him anymore. If you do talk to her - keep that communication going, but don't press it.
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  14. #14
    Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
    of course not... im totally devoted to my BF. i do know how i would feel though if he announced he was going to meet up with his first girlfriend... id totally freak out!
    The question is, would you rather tell him and have your freak out, or have him sneak off with her for a harmless lunch?
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  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
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    Originally posted by VanHost
    You too? Yeah, I love women, I said it
    Agreed, but we all have to remember, women can be just as bad, my ex was far worse. Sadly this is what we are, human. Regardless of gender, theres idiots on all sides of the fence (and riding the middle no less).
    Myles Loosley-Millman - admin@prioritycolo.com
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  16. #16
    Join Date
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    Originally posted by VanHost
    The question is, would you rather tell him and have you freak out, or have him sneak off with her for a harmless lunch?
    have him sneak off for a harmless lunch. if it WAS harmless. anyone who knows me knows im not lying about that! he deals with women all the time in business and i clearly can not deal with it at all so i dont even want to hear about it.

    the difference here is that his girlfriend would be local, this guy is not AND he is married, which was one of the reasons it never occured to me that he would "want" something! who would fly 1800 miles (twice) just to have sex! call an escort service pal, youre in vegas!

    and to the other poster, no i dont know his wife.
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
      0 Not allowed!

  17. #17
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
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    While it might have been a very creepy and rude assumption on his part, what's to say that this is the first time he has ever thought about it? And now that Lauren has made him see the light, he goes back to loving his wife and kids more than ever without another thought of cheating.
    There's a difference between fantasizing about another woman and straight-up propositioning her. He propositioned Lauren, and he was so intent on the interaction being physical, he had no interest in seeing her whatsoever under any other circumstances. You can speculate that somehow being turned down has made him into a better man, but you know he's actively seeking an affair.

    Does his wife have a right to know? Absolutely. Does Lauren have any obligation to be the one to tell her? No. Is she wrong if she does? I don't think so. Is she wrong if she doesn't? Again, I don't think so.

    As for telling your boyfriend? Lauren, you know him better than anyone. I'm pretty sure I've told Amy every time I've been propositioned since we've been together, but I know how she will react, and I know it won't be bad. If there was any potential for telling her to negatively impact our relationship, I wouldn't bother. It's more conversational anyway ("someone was checking me out *grin* *wink*"), though I suppose I haven't (to my knowledge) been propositioned by a married woman with children...
    Studio1337___̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__Web Design
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  18. #18
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    I think some guys can be trusted and some cannot. If it were me I could defiantly be trusted, because I think relationships are awesome. Its not worth throwing away for someone else you don't know all too well. I find it rather funny that women typically go for the "bad guys" and end up getting burned in the end when there is a perfectly good guy in front of them. Its like getting a big bowel of popcorn and watching a drama unfold.
    Kerry Jones
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  19. #19
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    Sep 2002
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    I say join him and his wife in a threesome, just kidding of course. What if it was this guys wife typing ? She could be testing ya we never know...
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  20. #20
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    she wouldnt know what to say to me. i know its him. and of course i have talked to him on the phone and of course she wouldnt know that he flew down here a few months ago.

    as far as me telling my BF, the irony is that had i told him my plans hed have said something like, dont do it because the guy wants to sleep with you, and id get mad and say, dont be ridiculous and then wed fight about it. he is always right.

    i never even should have considered this. i just didnt think it was that big of a deal.... at all... lesson definitely learned. always tell BF and always listen to him!
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
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  21. #21
    Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
    lesson definitely learned. always tell BF and always listen to him!
    Can you tell my wife this new theory of yours?
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  22. #22
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    its no new theory. thats usually how our relationship is. unfortunately i havent been behaving very well lately. im such a terrible GF
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
      0 Not allowed!

  23. #23
    I meant the "always listening part"
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  24. #24
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    yes i know what you meant!
    if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
    eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
    contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!
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  25. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Roswell, GA
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    508
    lol what a pathetic nut job

    I'd print out the IM correspondence (taking out your name), mail it to the wife anonymously.

    mail it to a friend in another state and have them mail it out from there. (if you want it more anonymous... to her at least)
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