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04-28-2005, 11:10 AM #1Web Hosting Master
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can guys ever be trusted??!!! ack! big disappointment!
ok, here is the deal... im not putting this up to rant on guys at all... but something happened that was rather unbelievable to me... now dont criticize me, im not having a good day so dont kick me when im down!
im going to be 40 next month and back in the mid-late 80s i had my first boyfriend (ya i started late!!) we were together almost 4 years and it just never progressed to the level i wanted. so i met someone else and we got married within 2 weeks (seriously!)
i didnt see my first boyfriend since, but we have talked a lot over the years (not in a sexual way). he got married probably about 7 years ago and just had his second kid. always was a decent guy for teh most part. he still lives in vegas and i am in minneapolis (about 1800 miles apart)
so a couple of months ago he comes to town. he had wanted to see me but i blew him off. had too much going on.
he was planning on coming here in may and we were going to get together (not in a sexual way!!!!) i was doing it mainly out of curiousity and of course, in the hopes of seeing him having gotten really fat and ugly! haha
well last nite he AIMS me and this is what happened... (im in shock!)
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HIM (11:49:59 PM): If we hook up, I want u focused
ImLaurenStephens (11:50:08 PM): what?
ImLaurenStephens (11:50:19 PM): what do you mean
ImLaurenStephens (11:51:46 PM): ???????????????
HIM (11:54:23 PM): Like u said, u don't feel well, you're preoccupied. It's understandable.
ImLaurenStephens (11:54:42 PM): what are you talking about
HIM (11:55:08 PM): My typing is slow. I'm on a blackberry.
ImLaurenStephens (11:55:27 PM): great
HIM (11:56:06 PM): Do u want to meet up?
ImLaurenStephens (11:56:36 PM): welll, ya
ImLaurenStephens (11:56:39 PM): i told you that
HIM (11:57:01 PM): Ok
ImLaurenStephens (11:57:38 PM): well what do you mean, meet up?
ImLaurenStephens (11:57:40 PM): what are we doing
HIM (11:58:16 PM): Why didn't u show up last time?
ImLaurenStephens (11:58:32 PM): i dont recall what happened
HIM (11:59:06 PM): You know what I mean
ImLaurenStephens (11:59:34 PM): no i really dont
HIM (12:04:23 AM): Should our meeting be social or physical?
ImLaurenStephens (12:04:33 AM): are you serious?
ImLaurenStephens (12:04:46 AM): it never occured to me youd want it to be physical
HIM (12:05:01 AM): Ya
HIM (12:05:59 AM): Sorry u don't want that
ImLaurenStephens (12:06:09 AM): youre married michael!
HIM (12:06:51 AM): Does that matter 2 u?
ImLaurenStephens (12:06:59 AM): why wouldnt it
ImLaurenStephens (12:07:05 AM): and it should definitely matter to YOU
ImLaurenStephens (12:07:15 AM): wow you totally blew my image of you
HIM (12:07:58 AM): Ok, forget the whole thing
ImLaurenStephens (12:08:11 AM): so you were only gonna see me to haev sex?
HIM (12:10:03 AM): Forget the physical suggestion
HIM (12:19:57 AM): Should I let u go?
HIM (12:21:08 AM): I guess so
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now seriously! what is the deal with that! cant anyone be trusted!! i dont consider myself to be naive at all!! and he knows i have a boyfriend!! why would someone do this! i feel really stupid! but i am GLAD he clarified this in advance!if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
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04-28-2005, 11:47 AM #2Web Hosting Master
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So he lives in Las Vegas, NV with his wife and kids, and you live in Minneapolis, MN? There's no problem with that. As long as his wife and kids stay in Vegas, then they're in a different county. It's not cheating then.
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04-28-2005, 11:59 AM #3Web Hosting Master
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oh brother....
the whole thing is disgusting!
i cant imagine what his wife would say about all this!
should i tell her?
i cant believe it!if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 12:07 PM #4Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
oh brother....
the whole thing is disgusting!
i cant imagine what his wife would say about all this!
should i tell her?
i cant believe it!
Tell her.Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius0
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04-28-2005, 12:08 PM #5Junior Guru Wannabe
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No, don't tell his wife, that will only cause more drama then needed, then you'll look like the raving, psycho ex-girlfriend because I am sure that's what he'll tell his wife. I would however inform your boyfriend about this. Let him know he was being a creep and what his intentions were, he should be kept in the loop. Just cut contact and any ties with the other guy, don't turn it into a situation, he does have a wife and kids and you don't want to cause problems for his family. Like you said, it's a good thing he brought it up in advance, now you never have to deal with him again.
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04-28-2005, 12:09 PM #6Retired Moderator
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Men are a**holes. You'll never catch me dating one!
Seriously though, I don't think there's a wrong answer to your question about telling her. You're perfectly justified to stay out of it and have no communication with him again. You're perfectly justified telling her. It all depends on how involved you're willing to be. No one would fault you either way, regardless of how you choose to go.Studio1337___̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__Web Design0
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04-28-2005, 12:14 PM #7Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by the_pm
Men are a**holes. You'll never catch me dating one!
Seriously though, I don't think there's a wrong answer to your question about telling her. You're perfectly justified to stay out of it and have no communication with him again. You're perfectly justified telling her. It all depends on how involved you're willing to be. No one would fault you either way, regardless of how you choose to go.
But, as someone stated, you do need to tell your boyfriend. He deserves to know and you have nothing to hide.SuperWebHost.com, a Digitally Justified Company
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04-28-2005, 12:15 PM #8Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by Goldfish
I would however inform your boyfriend about this. Let him know he was being a creep and what his intentions were, he should be kept in the loop.
he would probably think it was weird that i was going to meet up with the guy... and maybe he would be right....
curiousity killed the cat as they say... it was a stupid idea.
i dont think telling his wife is going to benefit anyone. on the one hand, id certainly want to know, but on the other hand, he didnt actually DO anything, but still.... ack... life is so weird...
ps and thank you vanhost. very thoughtful post. maybe im oversensitive but this really disturbs me... that could have been ME he was married to... should have expected it though, he DID cheat on me... grrrrr whats funny is that he doesnt even know how i look. i could be some 500 lb, bald, gross woman now, its been 15 years!if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 12:17 PM #9Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
he would probably think it was weird that i was going to meet up with the guy... and maybe he would be right....
curiousity killed the cat as they say... it was a stupid idea.
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04-28-2005, 12:20 PM #10Web Hosting Master
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This is why I'm a lezbian .
Myles Loosley-Millman - admin@prioritycolo.com
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04-28-2005, 12:21 PM #11Web Hosting Master
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of course not... im totally devoted to my BF. i do know how i would feel though if he announced he was going to meet up with his first girlfriend... id totally freak out!
gee, now im starting to feel like a real heel something that seemed so harmless just gets out of hand...if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 12:21 PM #12Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by porcupine
This is why I'm a lezbian .SuperWebHost.com, a Digitally Justified Company
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04-28-2005, 12:22 PM #13Texan at Heart
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I would drop it. You tell her & he tells her you are lying. If you were friends with her - you won't be. Don't talk to him anymore. If you do talk to her - keep that communication going, but don't press it.
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04-28-2005, 12:23 PM #14Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
of course not... im totally devoted to my BF. i do know how i would feel though if he announced he was going to meet up with his first girlfriend... id totally freak out!SuperWebHost.com, a Digitally Justified Company
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04-28-2005, 12:23 PM #15Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by VanHost
You too? Yeah, I love women, I said itMyles Loosley-Millman - admin@prioritycolo.com
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04-28-2005, 12:28 PM #16Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by VanHost
The question is, would you rather tell him and have you freak out, or have him sneak off with her for a harmless lunch?
the difference here is that his girlfriend would be local, this guy is not AND he is married, which was one of the reasons it never occured to me that he would "want" something! who would fly 1800 miles (twice) just to have sex! call an escort service pal, youre in vegas!
and to the other poster, no i dont know his wife.if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 12:31 PM #17Retired Moderator
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While it might have been a very creepy and rude assumption on his part, what's to say that this is the first time he has ever thought about it? And now that Lauren has made him see the light, he goes back to loving his wife and kids more than ever without another thought of cheating.
Does his wife have a right to know? Absolutely. Does Lauren have any obligation to be the one to tell her? No. Is she wrong if she does? I don't think so. Is she wrong if she doesn't? Again, I don't think so.
As for telling your boyfriend? Lauren, you know him better than anyone. I'm pretty sure I've told Amy every time I've been propositioned since we've been together, but I know how she will react, and I know it won't be bad. If there was any potential for telling her to negatively impact our relationship, I wouldn't bother. It's more conversational anyway ("someone was checking me out *grin* *wink*"), though I suppose I haven't (to my knowledge) been propositioned by a married woman with children...Studio1337___̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡̡̡ ̡ ̴̡ı̴̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡̡.__Web Design0
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04-28-2005, 12:46 PM #18Web Hosting Master
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I think some guys can be trusted and some cannot. If it were me I could defiantly be trusted, because I think relationships are awesome. Its not worth throwing away for someone else you don't know all too well. I find it rather funny that women typically go for the "bad guys" and end up getting burned in the end when there is a perfectly good guy in front of them. Its like getting a big bowel of popcorn and watching a drama unfold.
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04-28-2005, 01:17 PM #19Web Hosting Master
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I say join him and his wife in a threesome, just kidding of course. What if it was this guys wife typing ? She could be testing ya we never know...
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04-28-2005, 01:36 PM #20Web Hosting Master
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she wouldnt know what to say to me. i know its him. and of course i have talked to him on the phone and of course she wouldnt know that he flew down here a few months ago.
as far as me telling my BF, the irony is that had i told him my plans hed have said something like, dont do it because the guy wants to sleep with you, and id get mad and say, dont be ridiculous and then wed fight about it. he is always right.
i never even should have considered this. i just didnt think it was that big of a deal.... at all... lesson definitely learned. always tell BF and always listen to him!if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 01:39 PM #21Web Hosting Master
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Originally posted by LaurenStephens.com
lesson definitely learned. always tell BF and always listen to him!SuperWebHost.com, a Digitally Justified Company
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04-28-2005, 01:45 PM #22Web Hosting Master
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its no new theory. thats usually how our relationship is. unfortunately i havent been behaving very well lately. im such a terrible GF
if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 01:48 PM #23Web Hosting Master
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I meant the "always listening part"
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04-28-2005, 01:50 PM #24Web Hosting Master
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yes i know what you meant!
if you haven't considered chapter 7 bankruptcy, maybe you should.
eliminate your debt, keep the property you want, most people qualify.
contrary to popular belief - no attorney is necessary!0
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04-28-2005, 01:54 PM #25Web Hosting Evangelist
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lol what a pathetic nut job
I'd print out the IM correspondence (taking out your name), mail it to the wife anonymously.
mail it to a friend in another state and have them mail it out from there. (if you want it more anonymous... to her at least)0