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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    London UK
    Posts
    1,235

    * Cheer Up.. Jokes..

    CORPORATE LESSONS

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Corporate Lesson 1
    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
    "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
    "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

    Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Corporate Lesson 2
    A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
    "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! The clerk is gone.
    "Me next! Me next!" says the other sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." And Poof! He's gone too.
    "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

    Moral of the story: Always let your boss speak first.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Corporate Lesson 3
    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox then jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

    Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    Corporate Lesson 4
    A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
    "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

    Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

    --

    <erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

  2. #2
    Somme funny things you got there Especially the first one

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Eaglehawk, Victoria,Australia
    Posts
    5,023
    $800 Dollars to drop the towel, come on !! they would do it for $20 in my area.

    Doc
    www.doctorhill.com.au
    Need help? just ask The Doctor
    House calls a specialty
    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy ?

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    4,342
    Wow...

    all are old jokes...

    but the morals are the best....

    thanks man,

    Peace,
    Testing 1.. Testing 1..2.. Testing 1..2..3...

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Manchester, UK
    Posts
    2,130
    Originally posted by azizny
    Wow...

    all are old jokes...

    but the morals are the best....

    thanks man,

    Peace,
    Is there even any such thing as a "new joke" nowadays?
    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - Confucius

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Tas, Australia
    Posts
    2,488
    Originally posted by TheDoctor
    $800 Dollars to drop the towel, come on !! they would do it for $20 in my area.

    Doc
    Where do you live ?

    Oh yeah, I remember, just off Melbourne. Probably should bring an extra 20 bucks handy when I go there during winter
    New site: www.talkutas.com

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    1,384
    heard some before... nice

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Syracuse, NY
    Posts
    2,168
    John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

    After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

    "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

    "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete *** of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

    "He's an *******," John said. "Piss on him."

    "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

    "Well, screw him!" said John.

    "I did. You're back at work on Monday.
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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Eaglehawk, Victoria,Australia
    Posts
    5,023
    Originally posted by freak
    Where do you live ?

    Oh yeah, I remember, just off Melbourne. Probably should bring an extra 20 bucks handy when I go there during winter
    Just head down to St Kilda, an inner Melbourne suburb, yu can't go wrong.

    Doc
    www.doctorhill.com.au
    Need help? just ask The Doctor
    House calls a specialty
    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy ?

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