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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    13,624

    Talking Ten Ways to "Terrorize a Telemarketer"

    I think I may actually try some of these...



    1.) When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked
    because no one these days seems to care and I have all these problems; my
    arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died."


    2.) If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
    name. Then, ask them to spell the company name. Then, ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions (or questions about their
    company) for as long as necessary.


    3.) Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh, my goodness! Judy, how
    have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause
    as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.


    4.) If MCI calls, trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends
    plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends.
    Would you be my friend?"


    5.) If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
    and you could sure use some money.


    6.) Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest" and ask if they could
    bring you some pop and chips.


    7.) After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
    When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your
    credit card number to a complete stranger.


    8.) Tell the telemarketer you are busy, at the moment, and ask them if they
    will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the
    telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say
    I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
    telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now, you know how I feel!"

    9.) Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come
    on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"


    10.) And first and foremost: Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

    Tinyurl is the answer for posting long urls!!!

  2. #2
    LOL I like #8 and #10 Might try this sometime, last time I shouted down the phone 'Where did you get my f***in' number? This is ex-directory, I want you to delete my number from your database immediately'

    I know it's not their fault but that was my exploding point for that day
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    298
    Dont abuse the telemarketers =X they are people that just need to make a living as the rest of us. Abuse the people that employ them.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Northwest Colorado
    Posts
    4,636
    Or, I could continue to simply hang up, because the basic problem I have with them, is they're wasting my time!
    Eric J. Bowman, principal
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  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Let's see.....
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    4,463
    I sometimes tell them they got the fax number to an AM/PM store, which is something that actually happened to me. During one of my shifts, I got a call and they were selling newspapers. The person asked if I got my paper today and I said "sure, I got MANY today!" The telemarketer got silent for a second and mentioned "Are you getting duplicates?" I said no and told her that she called a AM/PM store. She said sorry and hung up.
    73's, Kim
    Everything happens for a reason I make up.

  6. #6
    My long lasting favorite is:

    me: Hello?
    Widget Seller: Hi is Samuel Mann there?
    me: Well, kinda.
    Widget Seller: Can I talk to him please?
    me: What is this about?
    Widget Seller: We are selling widgets, and if Samuel Mann isn't there would you be interested in our widgets?
    me: Well, he is here, but you can't speak to him.
    Widget Seller: Ok..
    me: see, Samuel blew his brains out last night, I'm his brother.
    Widget Seller: OH MY GOD
    me: What most people dont know is if one of your family members are murdered or off themselves in a family home they will remove the peices... but the rest of the mess if left to the family. So do you still want to sell your widgets to Samuel? I can ask his brain material thats dripping down the walls.
    Widget Seller: Oh my god I am so sorry.
    me: Its ok, I'm getting use to the amount of blood, but really losing your brother in this way is just horrible, I hope you can understand.
    Widget Seller: I am so sorry OH YES I can understand
    me: So tell me about your widgets again?
    dotGig
    <:<: [Fruit eating linux administrator]

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    298
    The worst part about that is it is true that you have to clean the blood... as I had to earlier this week.

  8. #8
    Originally posted by Samuel
    My long lasting favorite is:

    me: Hello?
    Widget Seller: Hi is Samuel Mann there?
    me: Well, kinda.
    Widget Seller: Can I talk to him please?
    me: What is this about?
    Widget Seller: We are selling widgets, and if Samuel Mann isn't there would you be interested in our widgets?
    me: Well, he is here, but you can't speak to him.
    Widget Seller: Ok..
    me: see, Samuel blew his brains out last night, I'm his brother.
    Widget Seller: OH MY GOD
    me: What most people dont know is if one of your family members are murdered or off themselves in a family home they will remove the peices... but the rest of the mess if left to the family. So do you still want to sell your widgets to Samuel? I can ask his brain material thats dripping down the walls.
    Widget Seller: Oh my god I am so sorry.
    me: Its ok, I'm getting use to the amount of blood, but really losing your brother in this way is just horrible, I hope you can understand.
    Widget Seller: I am so sorry OH YES I can understand
    me: So tell me about your widgets again?
    hmm.. I actually need a widget... (Widget = a tool that fits different hex nuts.. very useful in the theatre I work at)

    ..

    [COLOR=dark-blue]Matt Carpenter[/COLOR]
    Offer your clients a brandable FTP upload utility

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Orange County, California
    Posts
    28
    If the caller asks for your name, tell them sure!

    My name is Stu....Stu Pidass...
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    UK - Wales
    Posts
    2,170
    I just play stupid with them.

    When they tell me what they have to offer, im saying "WOW, AMAZING" - "OH AWESOME" - "OH THATS JUST THE BEST" - "I CANT BELIEVE HOW GOOD THIS IS", Etc...

    They eventually hang up on me
    www.microsolder.uk - Microsoldering Services in the UK

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    13,624
    The last 2 posts cracked me up like crazy!!!!!!!! (Sounds like sumthing i would do)

    The Dude

    Tinyurl is the answer for posting long urls!!!

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    210
    I have a foolproof way of filtering these idiots out before I even hear their voice: When the phone rings I answer and give them 2 seconds to say hello back. If they don't reply, I assume they're calling from a call center that's not patched them through yet and put the phone down. Works a treat (as far as I know, not had any complaints from friends or relatives yet anyway)

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    220
    djstonefish, that's something new I never thought of trying. Good idea.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    194
    I just get the company name and address, then hang up and report them to TPS so they get a nice hefty fine, some of them don't learn and call again, so I report them again

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    210
    I've just had someone call 20 mins ago and I gave them the "can you spell that please" line... don't think they'll call back again. Obviously if it's a genuine call I don't mind them, otherwise they'll probably get some abuse.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,997
    I just tell them that I'm registered with TPS and it's illegal for them to call me without my consent.

    I had one guy try to keep on even after that so I just took their details and reported them.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Sarasota
    Posts
    518
    I used to ask the telemarketer to 'hold just a second please' then I would set the phone down and walk away. Some time later you wander back by and hang up. I always wondered how long they waited before they gave up.

    It's not an issue any more. We get maybe 1 a month now with the DNC list in place.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    3,419
    Guys, Telemarketers themselves are just trying to get money like the rest of us. Don't be ********, its not their fault. Times are hard and you gotta earn money whatever way you can. If one calls you, before they can even start their spiel, just say: We're not interested and then Hangup. Don't waste their time. It'd be less time for you, and they can go on to the next number on their list without getting their hopes of a commision up.
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  19. #19
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    202
    Originally posted by Xshare
    Guys, Telemarketers themselves are just trying to get money like the rest of us. Don't be ********, its not their fault. Times are hard and you gotta earn money whatever way you can. If one calls you, before they can even start their spiel, just say: We're not interested and then Hangup. Don't waste their time. It'd be less time for you, and they can go on to the next number on their list without getting their hopes of a commision up.
    I'm sorry, but making it a easy job is not the answer. That job is downright wrong invading everyones little personal time they have. By being rude, wasting their time, etc you actually make less people willing to work that job. That raises the price those companies must pay and makes it not worth their time to bother me.

    Even before the national do not call list there was other voluntary list they could follow, but the companies simply didn't honor it. This is no different than spam, if one in 10,000 people click a spam email through to a site then the spam was successful. Same thing here. Spammers are just people to, however they could find a more productive job. Just my opinion.
    Jimmy

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    7,954
    For Me:
    I'm sorry Mr. Smith died. I hope you calling to give us money because that Rat Bas**d left us nothing.

    For Women:
    I'm sorry Mr Smith doesn't live here anymore. If you know where is tell me because that piece of **** got me pregant!

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Kuwait
    Posts
    5,104
    Polywogs?

    What is a Polywog?

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Ellesmere Port, Wirral, UK
    Posts
    1,540
    Just ask straight away for the number you can call to be removed from the list.
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  23. #23
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Duluth MN
    Posts
    3,863
    I heard somewhere that they arent allowed to hang up on you unless there is dead silence, or they are put on hold. So if you just sit there and ramble to them. Perhaps start giving them a sales pitch about your hosting services. The longer you keep them on the line, the higher their phone bill will be, as they are calling long distance most likely.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Location
    United States of America
    Posts
    1,847
    Originally posted by amish_geek
    I heard somewhere that they arent allowed to hang up on you unless there is dead silence, or they are put on hold. So if you just sit there and ramble to them. Perhaps start giving them a sales pitch about your hosting services. The longer you keep them on the line, the higher their phone bill will be, as they are calling long distance most likely.
    now this is marketing!!! rambling about your hosting
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  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
    Posts
    1,653
    Originally posted by Philipf
    Just ask straight away for the number you can call to be removed from the list.
    If that would only work. Internland has called here @ work (we are an ISP & host inhouse) 4 times. Each time I asked for them NOT to call again/to remove us from their list. They called back 3/4 times. I got rude the last time, and haven't heard back since then.

    Lady said they weren't selling anything (suuuuurrrrrreeee), but just wanted to let us know about the "services" they provide. Doesn't those "services" cost money? (ie they want to sell us something)

    We haven't ever done any business with them, and won't ever do any business with them.

    Best way to get rid of telemarketers, is to get rid of that landline and get a cell phone.
    Happily hosting @ Dathorn.com (Since 3/2003), Ispeeds.net (Since 2004), & Quadspeedi.net (Since 7/2005)!
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