Ok, every support desk has their share of lines they pass on... time to share them
Some of the jokes we have at the helpdesk at UMD, and among my friends who do tech support (dialup) for local ISP's are...
Its a Pebkac issue. (Problem exists between keyboard and chair). The term pebkac sounds like a technical jargon term, and I've heard it used several times by a friend who works for a computer shop that repairs comptuers.
I've also heard "ID-ten-Tee" problems. (id10t)
One of the local ISP's has a chart (joke) up in the tech cubicles that you pick one thing from each of the 3 columns, and that gives you the reason the user is having a problem. Like "Not enough" "Ram" (in the) "Router" (at the moment).
These are issues and jokes that are not really given to real customers, but more to ease the stress on the techs...
almost as fun as med school, DTS on files means danger to shipping (i.e. really fat patient), aof (awkward old fart), bhf (blithering hypocodrical fool) and plenty more fun ones. Every BOFH has an excuse calendar, hosts even more so lol
Best tech one Ive been personal witness to was taking in a computer from this guy aged about 50, Id dont some work on it and was grabbing some blank cds and the sales scroat was taking in the machine for repair, noticing my handwork on the warranty sticker I queried the problem to be told "The internet you installed is broken, it has viruses, I specifically asked for an internet without viruses, I want a replacement".
It kept me in chuckles for quite a while. Second only to the mental guy with the stolen mcdonalds laptop who threatened to get the police onto us. It had a virus and we went through the normal proceedures of checking it and noticed it had a security stamp, checked up on it and sure enough it was not registered as sold, gentlemans stood there ranting his head off at me and threatening to bring in the police because I wont fix his stolen laptop (Im in the process of getting a colleage to dissappear and call them myself without actually saying it in front of the guy) then he threatens to sue because we had turned on the laptop to find mc donalds sales data thats very very recent and the virus had finished off the nearly defunkt data anyway. Perhaps I could have handled it better in as much as I should have removed the hdd and put it in the test rig and twatted the viruses but under the circumstances it was a priority to keep him in front of me for as long as possible till the rozzers put in an appearance (i.e. stumble out of the black bull inn down the road and make it past the pizza shop without stopping for a quick kebab). Made for a good laugh tho, some 6 ft rasta giving me hell on earth because I wont fix his stolen laptop.
Few times while walking the caller through some routine tasks they asked me "WOW! You can see what's on my computer from ALL the way over there?!!?" That always made me laugh (And I always said 'I sure can').
One funny instance wasn't a real call but rather a prank by one of my coworkers. We did tech suport for a website and after logging in the account opened up in a popup window which for some reason on some systems popped up behind the window where they typed in the u/p. SO we'd often tell people, just close that window and you can see the account window. My coworker called in once and said 'Yeah, I just called up there and someone told me to just close the window and that would fix the problem, so I did....and now it's really hot in here!'. At first we thought it was a real call...nothing's too unbelievable when you work in tech support...