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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    666
    Posts
    65

    If Microsoft Built Cars....

    IF MICROSOFT BUILT CARS
    1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'dhave to buy a new car.

    2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, restart and drive on.

    3. Occasionally, executing a manouvre would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

    4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun,was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easyto drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

    6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoftupgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

    7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

    8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

    9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be supurb.

    10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

    11.The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

    12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

    13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

    14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

    15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade
    to use existingstuff.

    16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

    17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

    18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

    19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganise
    the ignition for a few days before it worked.

    20. You would need to by an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.

    source
    Sounds like the guy really loves his windows...
    Just.hype.it !

    __________________

  2. #2
    hahaha, nice ones.
    Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

  3. #3


    funny and oh, so very very true.
    IWDN - Really smart web developers... and me!
    More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads.
    One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
    Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

  4. #4
    I agree, so true, although my system is very stable **jinx**

    Regards,
    Paul B. Riddick
    ServeYourSite
    Web hosting done right
    ██ Shared, Reseller and Dedicated web hosting
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  5. #5
    Good one !

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    844
    Wow! Fits Microsoft perfectly!

  7. #7
    touch wood

    Originally posted by 4 Degrees
    I agree, so true, although my system is very stable **jinx**

    Regards,
    Paul B. Riddick

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    North Carolina USA
    Posts
    414
    Very funny stuff...

    And there's even more on the "source" site that hype.it linked to at the bottom

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Waukesha, WI USA
    Posts
    198
    Whereas if cars were like Linux, there would be no car dealers; you
    would be required to either buy all the parts via mail order and
    assemble the car yourself, or obtain a completed car directly from the
    manufacturer in North Carolina or from a friend who could produce a copy
    of his car with the push of a button.

    It would have no steering wheel; instead, there would be fifteen pedals
    which, when worked in the proper combination, would control
    accelleration, decelleration, and steering. However, you could obtain
    any of several different third-party steering wheels, each of which
    worked completely differently and did not come with a full set of
    instructions. If you asked another car owner how to work your steering
    wheel, hed make fun of you and tell you to RTFOM.

    The car would work very reliably, but it would have no back seat and no
    trunk. If you complained about this, youd be told to build your own
    back seat and/or trunk or stop complaining. It would have a very
    ful radio that could pick up AM, satellite, TV, and most ham bands,
    but could not pick up FM. There would be no FM radio available for it;
    youd have to purchase the Microsoft car and tow it on a trailer, using
    its FM radio and piping the sound through yours.

    The length of time your engine had been left running would, for some
    reason, be considered a sign of manliness.
    Jeremy D. Pavleck (jjpavleck(AT)GMail(dot)com)
    Over 10 years of Systems Management experience, at a discount!
    http://www.pavleck.com

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    rowland hts, california
    Posts
    791
    lol lol lol
    josh

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Posts
    2,067
    When your car is going slow, don't forget to close all the windows and try again

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    Let's see.....
    Posts
    4,446
    Our buses must be from Microsoft....
    73's, Kim
    Everything happens for a reason I make up.

  13. #13
    god only knows what would happen if apple built cars normal car show rooms are bad enough.
    --
    Rich

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    25
    haha an old one, but still funny
    In the works with a new startup

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Tas, Australia
    Posts
    2,488
    One more...

    The car doesn't come with locks. Third party anti-teft and security devices must be purchased and the user must send their car to a microsoft workshop to install the newest patches, else risk their car being hijacked...
    New site: www.talkutas.com

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    England
    Posts
    2
    Funny! nice one, Microsoft is the most richest company ever! ;-(

  17. #17
    Originally posted by jpavleck
    Whereas if cars were like Linux, there would be no car dealers; you
    would be required to either buy all the parts via mail order and
    assemble the car yourself, or obtain a completed car directly from the
    manufacturer in North Carolina or from a friend who could produce a copy
    of his car with the push of a button.

    It would have no steering wheel; instead, there would be fifteen pedals
    which, when worked in the proper combination, would control
    accelleration, decelleration, and steering. However, you could obtain
    any of several different third-party steering wheels, each of which
    worked completely differently and did not come with a full set of
    instructions. If you asked another car owner how to work your steering
    wheel, hed make fun of you and tell you to RTFOM.

    The car would work very reliably, but it would have no back seat and no
    trunk. If you complained about this, youd be told to build your own
    back seat and/or trunk or stop complaining. It would have a very
    ful radio that could pick up AM, satellite, TV, and most ham bands,
    but could not pick up FM. There would be no FM radio available for it;
    youd have to purchase the Microsoft car and tow it on a trailer, using
    its FM radio and piping the sound through yours.

    The length of time your engine had been left running would, for some
    reason, be considered a sign of manliness.
    Nicely put. Don't hate microsoft - windows is better than any other OS in thousands of ways, but then again so is linux, mac, etc.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Posts
    889
    Originally posted by jpavleck
    Whereas if cars were like Linux, there would be no car dealers; you
    would be required to either buy all the parts via mail order and
    assemble the car yourself, or obtain a completed car directly from the
    manufacturer in North Carolina or from a friend who could produce a copy
    of his car with the push of a button.

    It would have no steering wheel; instead, there would be fifteen pedals
    which, when worked in the proper combination, would control
    accelleration, decelleration, and steering. However, you could obtain
    any of several different third-party steering wheels, each of which
    worked completely differently and did not come with a full set of
    instructions. If you asked another car owner how to work your steering
    wheel, hed make fun of you and tell you to RTFOM.

    The car would work very reliably, but it would have no back seat and no
    trunk. If you complained about this, youd be told to build your own
    back seat and/or trunk or stop complaining. It would have a very
    ful radio that could pick up AM, satellite, TV, and most ham bands,
    but could not pick up FM. There would be no FM radio available for it;
    youd have to purchase the Microsoft car and tow it on a trailer, using
    its FM radio and piping the sound through yours.

    The length of time your engine had been left running would, for some
    reason, be considered a sign of manliness.
    Lol.. I've read the microsoft one a million times, but first time I've seen that one.

    People need to stop bashing Windows and realize Linux has its drawbacks as well. (mainly the ignorant kids and know-it-all adults)...

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Arizona, USA
    Posts
    73
    Originally posted by jpavleck
    Whereas if cars were like Linux, there would be no car dealers; you
    would be required to either buy all the parts via mail order and
    assemble the car yourself, or obtain a completed car directly from the
    manufacturer in North Carolina or from a friend who could produce a copy
    of his car with the push of a button.

    It would have no steering wheel; instead, there would be fifteen pedals
    which, when worked in the proper combination, would control
    accelleration, decelleration, and steering. However, you could obtain
    any of several different third-party steering wheels, each of which
    worked completely differently and did not come with a full set of
    instructions. If you asked another car owner how to work your steering
    wheel, hed make fun of you and tell you to RTFOM.

    The car would work very reliably, but it would have no back seat and no
    trunk. If you complained about this, youd be told to build your own
    back seat and/or trunk or stop complaining. It would have a very
    ful radio that could pick up AM, satellite, TV, and most ham bands,
    but could not pick up FM. There would be no FM radio available for it;
    youd have to purchase the Microsoft car and tow it on a trailer, using
    its FM radio and piping the sound through yours.

    The length of time your engine had been left running would, for some
    reason, be considered a sign of manliness.
    Now this is more like it.
    Well said
    Administrator & Webmaster:
    MegaGames
    MegaGames Forum

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Chandler, Arizona
    Posts
    2,564
    They would call it a Yugo .
    -Robert Norton
    www.SophMedia.com

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    417
    Microsoft cars will be for kiddies or oldies like Japanese smart light weight motor bikes and Linux cars will be for youngsters and masters / adventurers who like more changing life just like hardly Davidson.
    * `*:. .:*` * ~ X-Max ~ * `*:. .:*` *
    I love Wikipedia.

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Pasadena, CA
    Posts
    76
    This is what I want to do to Microsoft:

    <Bill Gates>
    <Micrsoft Corp.>

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Posts
    1,376
    Originally posted by freak
    The car doesn't come with locks.
    My friends and I saw this list a while back, and starting adding our own. We said it would come with locks, but you could always hit Cancel and drive off if you didn't have a key.

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