Federal Express who?
I don’t know. I just deliver packages.
Pizza delivery guy.
Pizza delivery guy who?
You ordered a pizza?
I’m the guy delivering it.
I’ll be right out, Susan.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable.
You might be a redneck if… you think tobacco is a vegetable who?
I thought this was a redneck joke.
Nope. It’s a knock, knock joke.
Don’t get so upset, crybaby!
Ha! Ha! I made you say “boo-hoo”
You’re a real idiot.
That wasn’t necessary.
Creeping penis who?
I’m not crazy, I just need to get off this island. The doctors don’t believe I invented the chocolate éclair. But I did. I’m going to burn them all and drink soup from their skulls! Happy soup! Untie me and I’ll kill you last!
Yo mama who?
Yo mama so fat, she caught a flesh-eating virus and that was three years ago.
I bet you’re fat, huh?
You are, aren’t you? Fat!
Hello? FBI! Let us in!
Oh. Let’s go boys!
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
There’s a dead old woman in your driveway who?
No. Seriously. There’s a dead old woman in your driveway.
Actually, that’s just my piss-drunk bar slut of a grandmother. She sells toothless mouth love for “mind eraser” shooters at the Tyson’s Mall TGIFriday’s. Let the whore sleep it off.
Henry Kissinger. Did you know that power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?
I’m not opening the door Henry.
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH!
Tremble mortal and despair – it is I, THE ANGEL OF DEATH who?
Actually, I’m here for Jones in #D1 but I need to take a monster crap and I hate to kill and THEN use the bathroom, you know? Its rude and the other way around, well it ruins my dramatic entrance. So…
You want to use my toilet?
Go right ahead.
Got anything to read?
Just the crossword.
You finished it.
Hold my scythe.
Hey! Don’t forget to light a match.