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  1. #1
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    Post your jokes here

    The CIA one day was conducting interviews and tests for applying agents. The CIA had setup a situation for the applying agents the day before, consisting of a difficult choice.

    The first agent comes in and the CIA gives him a gun, and tells him they have his wife inside, and he was to shoot her. "In the field", he said, "agents cannot hesitate to shoot anyone."

    So, the guy goes inside the room with the gun, and comes back out within 5min. "I can't do it", he says. He failed and was sent home.

    So the next agent comes in, and the CIA gives him the same situation. He goes inside, and comes out a few minutes later. "She's my wife, I can't shoot her" he says. He failed and was sent home.

    A blonde agent then comes in, and they tell her to shoot her husband. She walks in briskly and tons of shots ring out inside the room, things smashing on the walls, and yelling and screaming.

    The woman finally comes out with blood all over her and says, "The gun was loaded with blanks so I had to beat him to death."

    -Cory

  2. #2
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    Feb 2004
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    revenge of blondes

    how do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes?
    The invisible woman

    guess what needs a brunette to be at a prestigious party?
    An invitation

    How do you call a handsome man with a brunette?
    An hostage


  3. #3
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    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** on your knee."
    Jean-Pierre Abboud / I'm the TekGURU
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  4. #4
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    Originally posted by jpabboud
    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** on your knee."

  5. #5
    That ventriloquist joke is one of the better blonde jokes in my recent memory.

  6. #6
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    LOL, yeah, that is pretty funny. A properly placed **** always makes it funnier.

  7. #7
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    Why don't blondes eat picked unions?

    They can't get there head in the jar.

    Doc
    www.doctorhill.com.au
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    House calls a specialty
    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy ?

  8. #8
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    Psst, Doc

    Picked unions supposed to be pickled onions, right?


  9. #9
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    I don't know if this is an appropriate joke. Some people may be offended, but know that I don't mean any harm.

    One late night, a man was walking down the street in pitch black. He was in an area known for late night crimes and murder, or "the ghetto".

    As he was calmly strolling down the sidewalk, two small, white objects appeared a couple feet away from him and flew right into his face. The man, scared to death, fell backwards onto the cement.

    White flashes flew around his body, beating him to a pulp, the two smallest ones wearily steady. When he finally got up, he realized his money and jewelry was missing.

    Who did it?

    ...Tyrone, the black man.

  10. #10
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    Not sure about "appropriate" but well lets put it this way ... Don't give up your day job"

    Comedy can take several forms. We have the written word ... Jokes
    We have physical routines ... skits
    We have accidental comedy ... people falling over etc.
    We have serious situations were comedy just seems to happen well for people with warped minds. Like the priest accidently passing wind as he performs a Burial.
    Then we have implied comedy ... something that is very sad and even tragic, but we can see the comedy in it, comedy bordering on ridiculous.

    One such implied comedy situation that comes to mind ... Bush as President of the USA ... What a Joke.

    Doc
    www.doctorhill.com.au
    Need help? just ask The Doctor
    House calls a specialty
    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy ?

  11. #11
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    Originally posted by CPQIS
    I don't know if this is an appropriate joke. Some people may be offended, but know that I don't mean any harm.

    One late night, a man was walking down the street in pitch black. He was in an area known for late night crimes and murder, or "the ghetto".

    As he was calmly strolling down the sidewalk, two small, white objects appeared a couple feet away from him and flew right into his face. The man, scared to death, fell backwards onto the cement.

    White flashes flew around his body, beating him to a pulp, the two smallest ones wearily steady. When he finally got up, he realized his money and jewelry was missing.

    Who did it?

    ...Tyrone, the black man.
    maybe its just me but i didn't find that remotely funny, care to explain?

  12. #12
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    invision.. i didnt find that one funny either...

    heres my contribution to this thread:

    Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
    The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"


    [Again.. no offense to blondes, i actually find them quite attractive ]

  13. #13
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    Originally posted by ilyash
    [Again.. no offense to blondes, i actually find them quite attractive ]
    What both sexes

    Doc
    www.doctorhill.com.au
    Need help? just ask The Doctor
    House calls a specialty
    If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy ?

  14. #14
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    Oct 2003
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    lol....

    Well, the joke was meant to tell about how a black person can rob you at night, without you even seeing him, you know, cause...he's black. The only thing you would see are the whites of his eyes and palms. One advantage of being black.

    Originally posted by TheDoctor
    What both sexes

    Doc
    Eww.....

  15. #15
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    i meant female lol....


  16. #16
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    A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
    Jean-Pierre Abboud / I'm the TekGURU
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  17. #17
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    Here's an other one:

    There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running off together behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left." The male statue asks the woman statue, "Would you like to do it again?" "Oh, yes let's," she replies! "But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you **** on its head.
    Jean-Pierre Abboud / I'm the TekGURU
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  18. #18
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    LOLOLOL lmao those have to be the funniest ones. Both of them are funny as hell!!!!!!!!!!!! omg my stomach hurts....

  19. #19
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    Talking WordPerfect Customer Support

    Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support
    employee:


    "Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"

    "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    "What sort of trouble?"

    "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
    went away."

    "Went away?"

    "They disappeared."

    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    "Nothing."

    "Nothing?"

    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

    "How do I tell?"

    "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

    "What's a sea-prompt?"

    "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

    "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    "What's a monitor?"

    "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

    "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    "I don't know."

    "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
    power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    "Yes, I think so."

    "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
    into the wall."

    "Yes, it is."

    "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
    were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    "No."

    "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find
    the other cable."

    "Okay, here it is."

    "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back
    of your computer."

    "I can't reach."

    "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    "No."

    "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
    over?"

    "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's
    dark."

    "Dark?"

    "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
    from the window."

    "Well, turn on the office light then."

    "I can't."

    "No? Why not?"

    "Because there's a power outage."

    "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now.
    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
    computer came in?"

    "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
    like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
    bought it from."

    "Really? Is it that bad?"

    "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


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  20. #20
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    Oct 2003
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    lmao... was this a prank on the client side?

  21. #21
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    I don't know... It's only joke!
    Or maybe not!?
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  22. #22
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    One more old joke:

    The following are new Windows messages that are under
    consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

    1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

    2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

    3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

    4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

    5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

    6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

    7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

    8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"

    9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

    10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

    11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

    12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

    13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

    14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

    15. User Error: Replace user.

    16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"

    17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
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  23. #23
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
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    What do you call a skeleton in the cupboard with blonde hair?
    -- Last years hide & seek winner!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away," the boy said. He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands. "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!" "Look, Dad. You scared the cr*p out of him."

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