Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Stress

  1. #1

    Unhappy Stress

    You know when you think everything is finally looking good? Like I will be getting married in July, got my own place, my own job. Then it turns against you... Today I found out my father is in need of money, because he just moved and his business isnt doing to good right now (he didnt advertise that he moved )

    Well so I figured hey well he raised me spent thousands of dollars on me (for over 17 years of being taken care of) so I told him I will help him out as much as possible. I moved out of my apartment back to the new house (to save money to give to him) I told him I can probabley give him between 500 to 1,000 a month.

    Now this is causing stress

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    917
    Well you did do the right thing but I can imagine the stress you must be going through...nevertheless you have to remember your parents were always there for you when you were young

  3. #3
    It's the parent's responsibility to take care of you and raise you it's not a running tab. They had you so they have to pay. Sure a lot of deadbeat parents out there but just because your parents did the right thing doesn't mean you owe them cash. I would take care of my parents also as needed but it was adding a financial burden on me I would talk to them about it and I would help as I could. Sounds like your Dad got himself into his problems although I admire your sense of loyalty you shouldn't drag yourself down with them. You're all adults talk it over. I'm sure your Dad wouldn't want that money if he knew how much it was stressing you out. This will be an area of tension once you get married. Better deal with it now.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    The South
    Posts
    5,408
    I've always kinda considered the child-parent relationship a one way street, parents give to children, children grow up and have their own children. It's kinda unfair to have to raise your own kids and at the same time support a parent. Just my take on things. I hope my son never has to support me just as I hope I never have to support my parents.
    Gary Harris - the artist formerly known as Dixiesys
    resident grumpy redneck

  5. #5
    I know what you are saying, though I feel I owe it to him for being a good father to me. It doesnt put me to much out of money, but hurts at the same time.

    If he only listen to me in the begining he probabley wouldn't of been in this spot. I told him right after he moved up their to advertise everyday on the newspaper, radio, papers, and so on. Now I think he is finally getting the idea when you move you have to let the people know that you moved.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    The South
    Posts
    5,408
    Moving a bricks & mortar is always gonna hit the bottom line and advertising will help.

    My mother in law is in bad shape due to some stupid crap she pulled and my wife and I argue constantly because I refuse to substantially help her. Her husband died about 10 years ago and left her with a nice lump of insurance (she won't tell us but I know of at least $150K). Well some "investment counselor" told her it was a bad idea to pay off her $62,000 mortgage "for tax reasons". And she got into stocks (see where this is going?).

    I told her interest deductions from a mortgage are for people who MAKE money not people on a fixed income. And paying off an 8.25% interest 30 year loan is a guaranteed investment, you're GUARANTEED 8.25% return on your money, also your HOUSE IS PAID FOR, and if you do it right it is hard/impossible to ever lose it. But no, she does't pay off her house.

    She got stock advice from her boyfriend (ok alleged boyfriend my wife won't believe me when I tell her they're bumping uglies) this dude is an out of work mechanic eeking out a living on Ebay, YEAH TELL ME WHERE TO INVEST MY MONEY.

    Anyway, she invested like $100K into one stock, on a hot tip from the mechanic, president embezzled millions the stock is now trading on the pennies.

    She was on the Cobra with his insurance, she came to me not a month after he died talking about how she could get cheaper rates from another company who guaranteed to give her the same minimum term as the cobra, I told her they can tell you ANYTHING to get your money brutal fact is the cobra can only drop you for fraud or non payment and this company will drop you the very SECOND money IN is less than money they pay OUT on you, and that'll take about 3 days. 3 weeks later she's without insurance and no insurance company in their right mind would touch her (arthritis, heart problems, and past cancer).

    So now she's living on a $900 a month soc sec disability payment with a $500 a month house payment, medical up the wazoo and prescriptions that total quite a bit too. She barely scrapes by each and every month. We've helped her with food and stuff but I refuse to "pay bills" because those bills happen EVERY month and paying them this month only guarantees me being asked to pay them next month. And she refuses to "make the hard decision" by selling the house and using the equity to buy herself a place she can have with no payment. You can pick up a nice used trailor plus a bit of land hereabouts for under $20K quite regularly, it's not glamorous but it's home. I bought a 14x70 + 3 acres 10 years ago for $24K cut that to .5 acres and you can hook up for $12-15K pretty easily. But she won't DO that, so I say screw it until she does what's NECESSARY to get herself into sounder financial footing.
    Gary Harris - the artist formerly known as Dixiesys
    resident grumpy redneck

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Sunny California
    Posts
    1,679
    Gary, I just wanted to say that I believe you made absolutely the right decision.

    I've seen people in the same situation... one old woman was living in a 4BR house in San Jose in the middle of the dot-com boom... good lord, lady, if you don't have any money, sell it! That house was worth probably 100x what she paid for it in the 60s.

    Anyway, she ended up having hip problems. She moved to be back with her family and ended up renting out the house (I would have sold, but at least she was making something off of it.) It seems that people eventually come around to the right decision, whether or not they listen to others... circumstances eventually force them to do the right thing. (...avoids getting spiritual...)

    Good luck with the mother-in-law... sounds like a tough one, but eventually she'll figure it out.
    Erica Douglass, Founder, Simpli Hosting, Inc.
    »»» I founded Simpli Hosting, and sold it in 2007 to Silicon Valley Web Hosting after over 6 years in the business.
    Now I'm blogging at erica.biz!

  8. #8
    Wow at least diversify instead of dumping all that cash in one stock!

    Just like parents used tough love on us when we were growing up sometimes it's necessary to do the same for the parents!

    One of the points in my previous post to Jon FB that if he thinks this situation is stressful now wait until he gets married. Sounds like what your going through Gary with your wife! My Dad has stayed with us for a few months due to health reasons and that added some stress on the marriage. She didn't object that he stayed with us it was while he recovered from quadruple bypass surgery but still I wouldn't want my in-laws in my house for three months.

    BTW Gary, my inquiring mind wants to know...what did the stock wiz sell on ebay?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    The South
    Posts
    5,408
    Short term health reasons - fine you can't help that. Short term financial stress - ok I'll help, but her problem is monthly, every month she's short, and she's not doing anything to improve it. When we had financial problems I put all my crap in storage and moved in with my sister while I found a better job, even though my wife was pregnant at the time (I posted about this in another thread). I did whatever was necessary to go from broke to on my feet, no matter how much I didn't WANT to, no one wants to move in with their sister's family for god's sakes.

    He sells antiques and civil war and other trinkets on Ebay, his wife has a decent job as a manager at CVS so they eek a living.
    Gary Harris - the artist formerly known as Dixiesys
    resident grumpy redneck

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •