Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a
commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is a E-mail he sent to
his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a "worst job
experience" contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I
had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at
work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the
sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the
water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of **** sucks the water
out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it
down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with
no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my *** started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my *** started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the
damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water
machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I
don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my *** was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I
thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ***. I
informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other
divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the
surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the
water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a
tube of cream and told me to rub it on my *** as soon as I get in the
chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for 2 days because
my ******* was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ***
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