Did you enable remote access to the database, on the DA server? By default only local database access is allowed. You'll also need port 3306 open in the firewall.
Originally Posted by Standup Media
should get you some garbled text with "MySQL versionnumber" somewhere near the beginning.
telnet daserver.com 3306
should prompt you for the password and then connect.
mysql -uusername -p -h daserver.com databasename
Up to you, but DA's resource usage is much the same as cPanel's and both are heavily dependent on your exact configuration. For a database-only server I'd just use a bare distro eg. CentOS or Debian, depending on your preference. Without all the other standard apps (Apache, BIND, exim, spamassassin etc.) you'd save a lot of memory compared to a standard install of either DA or cPanel.
The reason i am having the MySQL database on the DirectAdmin VPS is because thats all the VPS will be used for (SQL Server and because DirectAdmin doesnt use as much resources compared to cPanel/WHM).
"Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them." - Laurence J. Peter