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Always Ask...Don't Pretend!
Join Date: Aug 2010
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Hawkeye :)

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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,118
Here's a few... A couple are probably a little racy.

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like
an assembly line?
Here's what happened to Kevin:

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.
Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance
number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had...
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete
medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had.
Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude
and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, 'Shingles.'
The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the
archangel, found him resting on the seventh day..
He inquired, "Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the
clouds, "Look, Michael Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm
going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth,
while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a
continent of white people and over there is a continent of
black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will
be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a
land area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's Pennsylvania, the most glorious place on earth. There are
beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and
plains. The people from Pennsylvania are going to be handsome, modest,
intelligent and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving,
carriers of peace and producers of good things."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But
what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "Not very far from Pennsylvania is Washington DC.
Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has
left him a note "Off to the grocery store".
He hasn't been getting any from her, so he decides this is
his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick.
He puts the video in, and starts masturbating.
He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in,
drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life.
Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen.
The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened.
After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen
where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes.
He asks her: "We haven't had sex for over five years and all of
a sudden you come in...... what happened?!".
To which his wife replied: "I just washed the floor this morning.
I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again."

A boy and his grandfather decide to go fishing one afternoon. So they
grab their gear and head out for the lake.
A half hour goes by and grandpa pulls out a beer and starts drinking.
The boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a drink of your beer?" and grandpa
replies, "Well I don't know. Does your pecker wrap around and touch your
The boy responds with, "No grandpa it doesn't."
So grandpa tells him that he can't have a drink.
A while later grandpa pulls out a cigar and starts smoking it.
The boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a puff of your cigar?" and grandpa
asks the boy the same question, only to get the same response again.
A while goes by and the little boy pulls out 2 huge chocolate chip
cookies and starts eating them.
This time grandpa asks, "Boy that sure looks delicious, can I have one
of those cookies?"
The boy then asks, "I don't know grandpa, does your pecker wrap around
and touch your butthole?"
The grandpa gets a big smile and says, "It sure does!"
The boy then says, "Then go f*** yourself, grandma made these for me!"


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