Tim Greer
04-01-2001, 08:15 AM
That's right. After 7 years of doing system administration, programming, support, installs, security, etc., I've decided to invest some money I found under some couch cushions to start up a web hosting business, where I can cater to the really cool people.
What do you get? You get me! You get my support and my experience! I well set up the server, a secure server and a web host that can and will cater to your needs with custom configurations, hosting solutions to best suit your needs and much more!
What else do you get? Confidence in knowing you're in the right hands. Someone that has control and knowledge to pull this off and do it right. What's better? Nothing. Nothing can be better! I guarantee you won't get these features with any other hosting provider!
What are the hardware specs? Seriously, you don't need to ask, do you? Of course, it will consist of the highest quality tin cans, strung together by Timathonic Vinyl(tm) string. Who needs those large SCSI hard drives, when we can cut costs and pass them onto the clients, by using those old cassette recording/playing devices that used to come with TSR80's and Atari 400's with those weird microwave type buttons! You can't get better than this, and no one else can provide this service to be able to pass the savings along to the clients!
The plan consists of the following:
0 MB bandwidth PER DAY! Not by the month! How can we do this? Simple: You can't move bandwidth across vinyl string? Why? Because we don't need to move bandwidth! Our cutting edge technology allows us to transparently transfer sound saves captured in one tin can, to the other, via a string! This is virtually NO COST to us and we pass this savings onto you! We all win!
Control Panel-ish environment. You have all sorts of nifty looking gadgets taped, stapled, pasted, or glued onto the tin can, giving it a very sophisticated look! Impress your friends with it, take it to parties and tell them it does
cool things... but that you just don't want to show them.
It's WATER-PROOF! Can YOUR current provider stand behind THAT claim? I don't think so!
E-Mail... EMAIL? Why use email, when you have VOICE flowing, in REAL TIME, across our string!?
E-Mail Forwarding? BAH! Refer to above!
SMTP Server? It's the SAME as email, this can not be improved upon!
Telnet, FTP? Are you kidding? You have complete and LIVE physical access to the tin can! YOU can bring it HOME! Store it in a SOCK DRAWER! In the glove box of your car! The possibilities are ENDLESS!
Portability, complete and utter portability! Can you take your current system with you to the park, the bank, the movies, in your pocket, or in a can opener? How can anyone compare to this!?
Frontpage Extensions? Of course! We're talking about TIN CANS, for goodness sakes! It's not like we're interested in actually improving the service and featuring anything that's worth a damn! So, sure, we'll throw that in the deal!
Python? Sure, we can throw in a snake!
PHP 4... Of course.. Why, we'll even put a sticker that read "PHP FIVE MACH III!".
ASP? Another snake? Uh, sure.. okay!
Static IP? Why when you have YOUR OWN LINE/STRING?
24 Hour Helpdesk? Of course, you have the ability at any time, by use of the highly technical and capable can-tech-nology.
Karaoke? Yes! Definitely!
What else can it do? Well, it can slice, dice and cut and peel! It can wash your car, walk your dog and melt your face! It can file your tax, it can serve prison time FOR YOU, if you fail to pay your tax! It doesn't have to be housed trained! It won't argue with you, debate issues or conflict with your ego!
With the special jiggeroo attachment(s)(tm), you can use it as a cerebral cortex stimulator! That's right, with the special probe attachments, for a low price of $39.99 (for 34 months), you can do everything from picking your nose, to investigating your various orifices, to never needing a date again -- and all in the PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME! The days of searching through the back pages of your favorite adult entertainment magazine for sexual aid tools are long gone! A great tool and conversation maker! Meet new people and make new friends!
WARNING: Do not share the special probing attachment with strangers, unless you use the special protectomatic protective cover!
How much?? Well, I'm not sure yet. I'm seriously entertaining the thought of partnerships, investors and criminal syndicates. Currently, such companies and organizations are showing great interest in this venture: The Cub Scouts of America, The Cubero Scoutos el South Americo, The Organization for the Promotion and Furtherment of more Frivolous Organizations, DEA, FBI, MTV, B.O.R.E.D., The Society for Buying Out Cheap Ass Fraudulent Wanna-be Companies, ALT+F4, CTRL-ALT-DEL, rm -rf /, rmdir . /s/q, Baywatch, Budweiser, Coors, Donkey, Blah, WHT, MattF, Kunal, Chicken, BC, VDI, Y.O.U., YOUR MOTHER!... and others!
WARNING: If any of the following symptoms occur, discontinue use and seek professional assistance:
* boredom
* excitement
* malaise
* contempt
* sadness
* joy
* death
* paralysis
* aixelsyD
* panting
* foaming at the mouth
* use of computer
* use of muscles
* use of vision
* blurred vision
* blindness
* diarrhea
* anything with the suffix "lexia"
* Montreal
* chicken pox
* small pox
* any sort of "pox" at all, really.
* bowel movements
* lack of bowel movements
* Germany
* Russia
* Zdrastvooti!
* Sheezlebot
* pretzel
* supercalifragilisticexpealidocious
* ifyoucanreadandunderstandthis,thenit'salreadytoolateforyou!
* the cold
* the flu
* no cold or flu
* no clue
* bitterness
* pride
* egoism
* moronicism
* intelligence
* confusion
* enlightenment
* depression
* euphoria
* rock 'n roll
* goal in life
* life
* breathing
* terror
* panic attacks
* service
* qwerty
* ...dots...
* reading
* this
* stupid
* post
* ____ fill in the blank!
ACT NOW!!!
:: Remember, the "can" stands for "Can do!" ::
[Edited by Tim_Greer on 04-01-2001 at 08:48 AM]
What do you get? You get me! You get my support and my experience! I well set up the server, a secure server and a web host that can and will cater to your needs with custom configurations, hosting solutions to best suit your needs and much more!
What else do you get? Confidence in knowing you're in the right hands. Someone that has control and knowledge to pull this off and do it right. What's better? Nothing. Nothing can be better! I guarantee you won't get these features with any other hosting provider!
What are the hardware specs? Seriously, you don't need to ask, do you? Of course, it will consist of the highest quality tin cans, strung together by Timathonic Vinyl(tm) string. Who needs those large SCSI hard drives, when we can cut costs and pass them onto the clients, by using those old cassette recording/playing devices that used to come with TSR80's and Atari 400's with those weird microwave type buttons! You can't get better than this, and no one else can provide this service to be able to pass the savings along to the clients!
The plan consists of the following:
0 MB bandwidth PER DAY! Not by the month! How can we do this? Simple: You can't move bandwidth across vinyl string? Why? Because we don't need to move bandwidth! Our cutting edge technology allows us to transparently transfer sound saves captured in one tin can, to the other, via a string! This is virtually NO COST to us and we pass this savings onto you! We all win!
Control Panel-ish environment. You have all sorts of nifty looking gadgets taped, stapled, pasted, or glued onto the tin can, giving it a very sophisticated look! Impress your friends with it, take it to parties and tell them it does
cool things... but that you just don't want to show them.
It's WATER-PROOF! Can YOUR current provider stand behind THAT claim? I don't think so!
E-Mail... EMAIL? Why use email, when you have VOICE flowing, in REAL TIME, across our string!?
E-Mail Forwarding? BAH! Refer to above!
SMTP Server? It's the SAME as email, this can not be improved upon!
Telnet, FTP? Are you kidding? You have complete and LIVE physical access to the tin can! YOU can bring it HOME! Store it in a SOCK DRAWER! In the glove box of your car! The possibilities are ENDLESS!
Portability, complete and utter portability! Can you take your current system with you to the park, the bank, the movies, in your pocket, or in a can opener? How can anyone compare to this!?
Frontpage Extensions? Of course! We're talking about TIN CANS, for goodness sakes! It's not like we're interested in actually improving the service and featuring anything that's worth a damn! So, sure, we'll throw that in the deal!
Python? Sure, we can throw in a snake!
PHP 4... Of course.. Why, we'll even put a sticker that read "PHP FIVE MACH III!".
ASP? Another snake? Uh, sure.. okay!
Static IP? Why when you have YOUR OWN LINE/STRING?
24 Hour Helpdesk? Of course, you have the ability at any time, by use of the highly technical and capable can-tech-nology.
Karaoke? Yes! Definitely!
What else can it do? Well, it can slice, dice and cut and peel! It can wash your car, walk your dog and melt your face! It can file your tax, it can serve prison time FOR YOU, if you fail to pay your tax! It doesn't have to be housed trained! It won't argue with you, debate issues or conflict with your ego!
With the special jiggeroo attachment(s)(tm), you can use it as a cerebral cortex stimulator! That's right, with the special probe attachments, for a low price of $39.99 (for 34 months), you can do everything from picking your nose, to investigating your various orifices, to never needing a date again -- and all in the PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME! The days of searching through the back pages of your favorite adult entertainment magazine for sexual aid tools are long gone! A great tool and conversation maker! Meet new people and make new friends!
WARNING: Do not share the special probing attachment with strangers, unless you use the special protectomatic protective cover!
How much?? Well, I'm not sure yet. I'm seriously entertaining the thought of partnerships, investors and criminal syndicates. Currently, such companies and organizations are showing great interest in this venture: The Cub Scouts of America, The Cubero Scoutos el South Americo, The Organization for the Promotion and Furtherment of more Frivolous Organizations, DEA, FBI, MTV, B.O.R.E.D., The Society for Buying Out Cheap Ass Fraudulent Wanna-be Companies, ALT+F4, CTRL-ALT-DEL, rm -rf /, rmdir . /s/q, Baywatch, Budweiser, Coors, Donkey, Blah, WHT, MattF, Kunal, Chicken, BC, VDI, Y.O.U., YOUR MOTHER!... and others!
WARNING: If any of the following symptoms occur, discontinue use and seek professional assistance:
* boredom
* excitement
* malaise
* contempt
* sadness
* joy
* death
* paralysis
* aixelsyD
* panting
* foaming at the mouth
* use of computer
* use of muscles
* use of vision
* blurred vision
* blindness
* diarrhea
* anything with the suffix "lexia"
* Montreal
* chicken pox
* small pox
* any sort of "pox" at all, really.
* bowel movements
* lack of bowel movements
* Germany
* Russia
* Zdrastvooti!
* Sheezlebot
* pretzel
* supercalifragilisticexpealidocious
* ifyoucanreadandunderstandthis,thenit'salreadytoolateforyou!
* the cold
* the flu
* no cold or flu
* no clue
* bitterness
* pride
* egoism
* moronicism
* intelligence
* confusion
* enlightenment
* depression
* euphoria
* rock 'n roll
* goal in life
* life
* breathing
* terror
* panic attacks
* service
* qwerty
* ...dots...
* reading
* this
* stupid
* post
* ____ fill in the blank!
ACT NOW!!!
:: Remember, the "can" stands for "Can do!" ::
[Edited by Tim_Greer on 04-01-2001 at 08:48 AM]