I've been up all night, i can't sleep, i don't feel right. It feels like my heart is missing. Seriously. It feels like its not there, ive got an empty feeling in my chest and it hurts. Im in love and she wants a break. I don't know how to deal with this, im trying to be calm and just wait for her to come back, but its really hard. I can't concentrate on anything because of this feeling in my chest. I need to hold her. I need to hold her really bad. I know she loves me, i can feel it. I just screwed things up by smothering her. I'd go over there everyday about 5-6 and then leave about 9-10 except on wed i'd just see her from about 9-10. and then on the weekends i'd see her bout 1-5,10:30-1am on saturday and 3-10 on sunday. You know that feeling you get when your for once in your life KNOW for sure they are the one? I mean i've wanted to think that about someone before, but i didnt really feel it. I know for sure this time. I feel it like no other. I don't know how to deal with this. It's hurting really bad. She says she will come back, but she just needs time to get things straight and date other people if that happens which she said it might not. But anyways, i've been up all night crying (yes a guy who cries). I can't sleep and im hurting really bad. And to think. This is only day 1
:bawling:

Throw yourself into your work and let it take your mind off things for a while :)
All the Best

I've tried that. My work reminds me of her :(

Unfortunately in this cruel world, a break is not just a break. Wait it out, if she calls and wants to work things out, do so, but take it easy. If she doesn't call, let her go, take some time to get over it and move on. Life does exist outside that box called love, its where you will find your heart again.

Well last time she wanted a break she called me and wanted me back after 30 min cause she realized she cant have me out of her life.

Let me hand you a nugget of life. People always want what they cannot have. Do not chase her do not act like you are dying without her, get out and force yourself to do things, let her see you doing things with others no matter how hard it is. If she thinks you are crying your eyes out and begging for her to come back she will pull further away.

If she sees you moving on with your life you suddenly become much more desirable.

There are several reasons why she could have wanted a break, it may not be you smothering her at all. She may feel the same way as you but is scared of her feelings and doesn't know how to act.
She may feel that she is too young to commit, how old is she??
You need to fund something to do that doesnt remind you of her, i know thats hard, when i split up with my boyfriend everything i did and everywhere i went reminded me of him, and i didnt know what to do with myself.
You need to do something physical, not working on the net, something that makes you so tired at the end of the day that you collapse into bed and fall asleep so that you dont have all this time on your hands to think about her.

She is 19. She said thats the main reason. She said she isnt used to having to commit to one guy.

let her sew those wild oats then she be ready to settle down.
(just what i hear alot :D )
anyhow don't know man i'm only 17 and really really shy myself at school and around girls but anyhow lets not go in to my dating life ;)

Been there... got over it... done it again :)

Best advice has been given I think.. don't let her know exactly how you feel - Kia Kaha (Be strong) and DO get out and you will get over her.. time heals all and also meeting the next "One and only" helps too :)

You never know.. if it was meant to be it will be.. :D

Have some poison instead. Hehe!!!
:puke:

Its better to have loved and to have lost, than to have never of loved at all.

Originally posted by Ultravox
Have some poison instead. Hehe!!!
:puke:

Then Juliet will do it too. :(

Then Juliet will do it too

Romeo-Juliet was a sad story...

Originally posted by Ultravox


Romeo-Juliet was a sad story...

Yes. Very sad. :(

DoobyWho, things will only become easier, i know this.

Take it easy and try not to let it bother you as much, it may seem impossible but keep yourself occupied and you will be ok :)

That's right. Keep yourself busy, things become easier.

or just get a new girl... ;)

You need to do something physical, not working on the net, something that makes you so tired at the end of the day that you collapse into bed and fall asleep so that you dont have all this time on your hands to think about her.
Buy one of these (http://www.ifbikes.com/frames/single_speed.html) and think about her when you are on it. In a couple of weeks you'll look so cool the chicks will flock to you.

Dude, your life isn't over, it's just entering a new phase is all. Welcome the new phase, don't be all depressed and upset that the old one is gone.

I know it's easier said than done, but take it from someone who's been through this kind of thing many times...it's far better to pick yourself back up after a fall than it is to stay laying on the ground...

Originally posted by DoobyWho
She is 19. She said thats the main reason. She said she isnt used to having to commit to one guy. Sorry, but she's probably right. 19 is way to young to think "he/she is the one." Both you and she still have a lot of people to meet... let her move on; keep in touch and remain friends. After some time you both may find that the other really is the person you want to be with.

You both have plenty of time (assuming you're not too much older than her 19).

I don't usually jump in on threads like these Doobywho- but I was in exactly the same position once that you're in now. My girlfriend and I had been together for a good long while and then *poof* she says she needs a break and moves out. It all happened in two days. I've never been so blown away in my life.

Same deal as you- I knew she was the one. Couldn't explain it, but I knew. After she left, I had a good long while to think about our relationship and figured that there were some things I could have done better, and there were some things she could have done better. In the end, we started talking again and seeing each other slowly. It took almost a year of very infrequent contact to get to that point again though.

We reached an understanding about what it takes to be in a successful relationship and we both made an effort to try harder.

We've been married now for almost 3 years. My advice to you is to not dwell on it so much. Try to think about whether you can learn anything from the experience (things you might have done differently). Whatever you do, give her all the space in the world. Chasing her and not letting go will only make the situation much worse. Go out with your friends, see other people, and let whatever happens happen. One way or another, things will get better.

19 is way too young to know what you want for the rest of your life. She's either just completely freaked out, or she's just not ready. Best thing you can do is to let her do her thing.

I`ve been in this situation, the only way to 'get rid' of her from your mind is to hang out with your friends.

I know, it hurts :bawling:

I am actually going through the same situation currently but not because she wants space, because her parents have arranged a marriage for her and she does not want to get disowned by not obeying their words (let the record show she is 23..lol)

I am trying to cope as well as I have been in this relationship for 4 years, and the issue is not love, we both love eachother, its an issue of choice.

In your situation, I would take the advice that people are giving, just play things as they come up, even though I know what you are feeling, it feels like a big blob of anxiety is hovering over me.

Originally posted by dialuphost
I am actually going through the same situation currently but not because she wants space, because her parents have arranged a marriage for her and she does not want to get disowned by not obeying their words (let the record show she is 23..lol)

I am trying to cope as well as I have been in this relationship for 4 years, and the issue is not love, we both love eachother, its an issue of choice.Yes it is, and it's her choice. A friend of mine was faced with a similar situation -- not exactly an arranged marriage because her parents hadn't chosen someone for her, but they (very conservative Koreans, living in California) directly instructed her that she had to marry a Korean guy, and said in no uncertain terms that if she didn't break up with her Filipino boyfriend she wouldn't have any room in their family.

So she grappled with that for a couple of months, and just got an apartment together with her boyfriend. That was about a month ago, last week her parents invited the two of them to dinner. From what I've heard of the story it's certainly not the case that everyone's happy, but she made clear to her parents what her choice would be if they were going to force her to make one, and what her priorities were. And, not wanting to lose their daughter, they made the same kind of decision.

You are too young to 'know she is the one'
That only happens in the movies.
By all means get yourself together. By that, I mean you need to have hobbies, intrests, and life experiances that complete you as a person. Too many people rely on others to fill the missing pieces, instead of developing the person they are going to be by themselves. Life is a never ending journey, some of which must be traveled alone.
She is obviously smart enough to relise that.
If you really think she is the one, and you intend on being there, when she thinks she is ready to start a realationship, then you must do this. Even if she eventually decides she doesn't really want a relationship with you, at least you will be a more mature, "catch" for someone who is ready when you are.
Don't jump into dating others, just persue your career and intrests. Get out with friends more. Study things you like more.
Just be true to yourself, and true lasting love can be yours.

I know from where I speak, after a few failed relationships, I quit dating for four years. I decided I just wasn't good at it, and I needed to grow into myself more.
They always wanted to come back, but I told them "What ever it was you didn't like enough to spend the rest of your life with me (or I didn't like enough about you to spend the rest of my life with you) is still there, and I respect you enough to not put us through that again"
I am now friends with them.

uhg i hate hearing that crap about "your to young". not everyone is the same. some people might be ready for comittment that young. i am.

I feel for you DoobyWho, and know how hard it can be to get over somebody it seemed you were made for, and who was made for you. But you can pull through, I did. Try your best to keep a good relationship with her in the literal sense, because even though she may not be the one any more, there's no reason why you should have to lose her as a friend. I went through 12 months of sheer agony, but eventually pulled through it all, it may be a long hard slog but you can do it.

That said, I hope that you can sort things out and that you don't lose her.

This is all partially why I don't want to date for a few years...





Or at least until I can drive :)

LOVE is NOT hard..

if it is a HARD relationship..

it's not LOVE...............

Life throws you curves..

you must learn to swerve..

CATCH THOSE CURVES..
or else swerve.. an missM..
'

hrm...stay away from relationships...only brings about trouble, heart ache and pain...unless its friendship, :D

don't listen to EMPTY talk..

and do NOT place thineself as one who is subject to anothers feelings.. such as you have..

you MUST have more respect for thineself....

you can..


why? "BecauseYouCan"

that's why...........

your life has not ended..

friend.. it's just begun..

move on..

because "YouCan"

i am a writer......


your post has got me started......

again.. i am a writer.............

i write words that MOVE folks..
such as



if you ever
have forever in mind
i'll be here
and easy to find
if yout heart
is not ready
to lay down with mine..
if you ever
have forever in mind.........


the music has ended'

still yoiu wish to dance

i know the feeling.......
i can't take the change

you live for the moment
no future
no past

i may be a fool.... to love by the rules..

LOVE HAPPENS

UPDATE:
She's been calling me and talking to me. And she tells me she loves me and misses me but she still wants the break. And friday she wants to see me as friends , we can't hug all over each other and stuff cause it will make her feel bad. People are telling me not to see her, and if i do, not for long, make her miss me more and more. what do you think?

Yeah, see her and be casual... create a new friendship with her.. if it's meant to be it will be :)

Good luck

DoobyWho,

You need to follow the advice that has already been given and move on and put the ball in her court. Let her MISS you!!! I am speaking from experience here. The love of my life dumped me when it got to be college time. I felt as you do now. I couldn't understand how she could possibly do that to me...or to us. She was strong, and stuck to her guns about it so I really didn't have a choice but to move on. I started dating other people and got into several relationships. I knew all along that if she would take me back I would be there in a heartbeat but I had to give her time and space to decide on her own. I just kept thinking of the old saying that if you love something, set it free...if it comes back to you it's yours...if not, it never was. We were apart for a little over a year and started talking again. To make a long story short we are married and have been for going on 12 years now. Looking back on it now, I can honestly say the separation did us both some good. You just have to be strong and move on and what is meant to be, will be!

She said things feel weird and she has that same empty feeling as me. What if i was to just hang out with her on friday and if she tries anything, back off and say something like "If you want to be able to do that kind of stuff, we've got to be together. We arn't going to do this whole friends with benefits thing, you mean to much to me to do that" ???

Bad idea you will drive her away. If she is feeling empty hang back a bit more. If you try and move in to fast she will pull back again, this time further away.

Take deep breathe and back off for a little while.

Time heals all wounds...

Things will turn out for the best in the end.

Same thing happened to me... I was down for 2 weeks and met this absolutely stunning girl. I've been with this girl for a year now and I'm glad the old one broke my heart at the time :)

Originally posted by DoobyWho
She said things feel weird and she has that same empty feeling as me. What if i was to just hang out with her on friday and if she tries anything, back off and say something like "If you want to be able to do that kind of stuff, we've got to be together. We arn't going to do this whole friends with benefits thing, you mean to much to me to do that" ???

DoobyWho, you must listen to the advice already given. It is good advice.

Women do NOT want guys who are "desperate". If you try to get her to come back to you, she will intuitively interpret this as if you are desperate and can't live without her.

You must move in the opposite direction. Away from her. Let HER chase YOU. This is the ONLY way you will regain her respect for you as a man. Seriously. Stop and think about it.

I had a rule in my life when I was dating. "If you dump me.. it is OVER. I will not take you back."

The point of this was that I am not a plaything. I am not here to be around whenever the he** you feel like "coming back".

No matter what your heart is telling you, you need to be careful and look into the future. She will lose respect for you if you chase after her. She knows you love her. You've told her so already. Leave the ball in her court and walk away.

It is hard, but you can move on by physical exercise and keeping yourself busy both physically and mentally.

Let us know how things progress.

Yeah, I might get killed for this post, but we might as well be honest here, right? ;)

For me, I was in the same situation, but it reads: I'm the girl.

Guy was kind of like you (no offence meant, seriously). You could use the phrase "smothering" since we saw each other in school everyday, and he had to call me everyday, and walk me home almost every day of the week (and especially when we went out). Not to mention, he got really jealous when I talked to my regular guy friends.

In the end I couldn't take that possessiveness and asked for a break. Probably one of the best things I did in my life so far, although I admit to regretting it for a while, since it was like a routine. But when I look back I realised that I had actually gave myself freedom, because I wouldn't be able to stand dating a guy that wants me 24-7 (no matter how flattering it is), let alone marry one.

Just from my personal experience. So advice? Cool off for a while. And not to forget - just because she's the right one to you doesn't mean you are to her. The world is a cruel place, and Fate plays an even bigger role in this.

Go out with her sister........that'll get her attention and let her know who's boss :D

Originally posted by Wilbo
Go out with her sister........that'll get her attention and let her know who's boss :D

And then make a move on her MOM!

My advice is don't be such a wuss and dependent on other people for your own happiness in life. Would have Frank Sinatra or James Dean gotten this upset over a chick? :rolleyes:

Time is your friend. :wavey: Make her run after you ...it will make you more interesting for her.

Originally posted by DoobyWho
uhg i hate hearing that crap about "your to young". not everyone is the same. some people might be ready for comittment that young. i am.

I wasn't to young. I was 16 when I got engaged to my husband, married at 17, had a baby, and we've been married for almost four years. I knew from the start that he was the one, even when we were just friends. If you really love her, give her time, but don't completely push her away. Try being friends for awhile. I know it hurts, but I promise the pain will go away. Good Luck, and I hope it works out :)

Well about 2 weeks ago we got back together. But we're apart again. She says she thinks something is changing physically inside her and she doesn't know what is going on but she doesn't want it to affect our relationship. But once again she promised she was coming back. she called this morning and needed me to come take her to work. her sister (who she lives with) cut her finger and had to go to the emergency room so she needed me to take her to work. well, im gonna be there for her no matter what , so i took her to work. But when she was getting out of the car she told me she loved me and gave me a kiss? wtf? I'm not doing this friends with benefits thing with her. I love her way to much for that ****. I just don't know what to do. I love her so much so I can't just forget about her and move on. She was telling me last night on the phone when this happend that im her best friend and she just really needs me as a friend right now more then a boyfriend. She said there is to much going on right now for her to deal with the obligations of a boyfriend. I just don't get it though. When we got back together last time, she's seemed so happy. And then this weekend her dad came into town to meet me (she never ever sees him but wanted him to meet me) and it was a big deal. she was really happy and really lovey and i was really high on life. She was telling me how she can't wait to marry me and have a family and how much she loves me and this and that. Then all of a sudden the next day (sunday) she totally changes. She doesn't know what she wants, she doesn't know whats going on and she said that she just needs time to herself until she figures out whats going on inside her head, because even she doesn't know. She said she really wants to still hang out and stuff and that she really does love me. She says this isnt about me , i didnt do anything wrong, its about her figuring out whats going on with her. I told her it would be really hard hanging out with her , but that i would if she needed a friend to hang out with. She got all mad and said nevermind , i didnt have to, she'd just hang out alone. The whole time we were on the phone she was saying she really did love me and that she promised she'd be back just like last time. She said the only reason she got back with me last time is because i didnt give her enough time and she felt bad that i was upset. But she said if i give her more time this time to figure things out then she will be fine. I dont know what to do! I love her so much and if she needs me , i want to be there because i love her and i promised i'd always be there and ive NEVER broken a promise. But seeing her just as a friend is hard. Specially when she leans over and kisses me and tells me she loves me when she is getting out of the car. *uhg*

Take it from me,

Give her a lot of room. Don't contact here at all, wait for her to contact you. Go out with your mates and do what young people do - drink cider, steal road signs or whatever.

Women have a habit of changing their minds, particularly when teenagers. She's probably wanting to go out with the girls and probably misses girly nights out and all that crap. Let her go, she might come back, more than likely you'll get someone better!

Time heals all wounds. I know it is easy to say but you must not let this consume you. Don't let it affect your life to the point that it is unhealthy.

Everything happens for a reason, remember that. Maybe you should try dating other people too. This will either make her jealous and come back to you or you will find your real true love.

Andrew

Originally posted by The Laughing Cow
steal road signs or whatever.


haha and you do know thats a Federal Offence (spelling) :D but yea have fun haha

Originally posted by zdwebhosting


haha and you do know thats a Federal Offence (spelling) :D but yea have fun haha

is it really? can you pick them up if they have fallen down?...

Originally posted by interactive


is it really? can you pick them up if they have fallen down?...

nope dont think so not here in Oklahoma anyhow because its easier/cheaper to have somone put it back up again rather than buy a new one.

Ah, in the UK it's just a criminal offence (we have no federal falada). The old bill usually tell you to put it down if they stop you - from experience :D

Time wounds all heals..

Do what was said.. and think about this in the back of your head

In the long run.. is all this game playing going to benefit you??

It's true, people want what they cannot have.. but mature people realize when they have something good they hold onto it.. even if its not that rushing experience it used to be. Love takes many forms.. experience is the only way to weed that out..

Again, do what everyone said.. don't think about her (hah), just do your own thing.. get involved in a NEW love.. like.. programming, web design, something of that nature.. hang out with her, and be a friend.. don't be a fake friend.. don't TRY to hold back, just hold back..

Maybe go somewhere for a week.. like vacation.. that will drive her crazy :-D

Dude, the one thing you need to do is........ let time pass. If you can possibly get your head wrapped around anything else right now (I know you probably can't), do it.

Someone else said "time heals all wounds", and that is SO true. No matter who she is, no matter how alone you now feel, there is always someone out there who is better suited for you.

I took my last breakup pretty badly, and then I found my current girlfriend on HOTorNOT of all places (hey, I'm a web geek) and we live together now. She is a totally hot, skinny, brilliant Asian chick and I can now say (out of old gf's earshot) that she is better (to me) than the old gf in every way, and, hotter and smarter, yada yada yada. AND, she even works with me now. lol

THE POINT IS, there's always someone great out there, waiting to meet you. Looking online isn't a bad place to start, because you're probably more in tune with cyber savvy girls just as I am.

Originally posted by DoobyWho
She says she thinks something is changing physically inside her and she doesn't know what is going on but she doesn't want it to affect our relationship.

Ever see the movie "The Crying Game"?

Best thing I ever got into to get over girls was weightlifting. You can throw all your anger into it, and get in shape at the same time. I've also discovered that it takes about the same amount of time to get over a girl as the time I was with her. It usually started with 3-4 nights with no sleep and then got worse for a while. At least I got to realize that I've been through it before, and I'd get through it this time.

I didn't start to learn to hold off in relationships until I was over 30. I was always the one writing poems, getting gifts, etc. I found that this stuff is important, but loses it's magic if they at all expect it. Once they start figuring you out, you're no longer a challenge. Girls hate that. Guys fall in love for who a girl is. Girls fall in love for who a guy could be. Be yourself as much as possible, but give her something to work with. My relationships started to improve immensely when I stopped trying to be the 'perfect guy' and sometimes even did little things on purpose to irritate them (make sure this is not a common occurance). If you don't give them something to get mad at, they'll make something up, believe me.

I had to train myself for several years to NOT call every day, let alone 5-6 times/day. I didn't blow them off, that'll backfire.

Also, don't for an instant think you're going to figure out what's going on in her head. I'd hazard a guess that even she doesn't know.


Wow, did I say that out loud?

Skelley, this insight was RIGHT ON in every way!

Originally posted by clockwork
Ever see the movie "The Crying Game"?

Oh...nooo !! I would puke exactly like him..heh? :)

By the way DoobyWho,

Way back then in 1988 when my girl-friend ( I married to somebody else now) decided to see somebody else and the next very day I saw her driving with another guy.... I felt the sky above me crumbled on me.

The worst part was, suddenly I had to stop my car and felt that my right-side of my body was numb. I am serious. :confused:

My right hand, leg were dead. Just could not function. My tongue started to get tied-up, could not speak.

For the whole bloody 3-hours that day, I was half-numb.

Everything got better when I force myself to forget about what I saw that day.

My point is that, how powerful love is. You have to know that love could kill you. Or wreck your life easily.

Please remember: so many fish in the ocean.

Let her go for good. Trust me...there is somebody for everyone.

Take care. ;)

Man she told allot in one sentence now listen to her.

When she said she came back last time because you were pushing so hard and she felt guilty. She was telling you everything you needed to hear. Back off, be a little distant,,do not be there every time she calls and Do not call her for ANYTHING.

That is if you REALLY want her back.

The old saying Time heals all wounds is so true, I know right now it feels like the pain inside you will never end, the panic attacks waves of feeling like you are going to puke any second make it seem like you will die, but in time you will heal. It comes slowly not like a light switch but over time you will hurt a little less and think of her a little less often, then before you know it you will make it thru a whole day and not think of her at all.

I am living proof of it. I was married for 25 years from 17 years old, I was still totally in love after all that time when I found out my wife was having an affair and wanted a divorce. Man there is nothing that like having you entire life torn out from under your feet not only emotionally but financially as well. In less than 6 months I went from having what I considered a prefect life to being homeless, penniless and alone.

But here I am today 4 years later happier than I every thought possible married to a woman that is my true soul mate in every way. Business is growing like a weed and nothing but blue sky ahead.

If I can make it so can you, no matter what happens with her.

Just so you know you are not alone here is someting I wrote back during the dark days and have updated a few times since.
http://www.inspiredawakenings.com/at_first_you_cry.htm

Hang in there you will make it.

I had been there hmm.. like 8 years ago, I had 21 at that time and she 19, I felt that he was my life, we had been dating for 6 years, and one day after I had a discussion with her father she told me that she didn't wanted to keep the relationship, I felt the world going down, the biggest mistake that I did its try for about 2 weeks to keep her at all cost, of course, her reaction was to push me away, she wanted space, and I was suffocating her.

Then, I decided that I had to keep my life, started to hangup with my friends often, drink until I forgot my name, date another girls, a lot of girls, finally, I think that I find the one, I'm 29 years old now, I had been with her for 5 years, and she have 23, my ex-girlfriend have 27 now, I think that I did a good exchange :D.

Life goes on, and you have a wonderful world to discover, as many people say, you're too young.

Sorry for my english, its not my native language and its 6 AM here and I didn't sleep yet.

All things point to you giving her more space. More space than even she requests.
She wants to be more independant. Then when she needs something, she wants your help. This is what parents are for. This is not fair to you. She obviously needs to gain more experience at independance.
Develope other intrests, and be too busy to be available for her whims. Until she gets herself together, she will just be using you. (whether she does it intentionally or not) Either way, you want a "all or nothing" relationship and right now she only wants a "when I need you" relationship.
She needs to get herself together by herself.
and you need to get yourself together by yourself.
After you two mature, and she figures out what she wants, you may get together, you may decide you can be freinds, or you just may may decide to end all ties.
Either way it isn't fair for her to be 'on again', and 'off again' with you. It is hurting you too much, and you have a life to get on with.

Well, the way I see it, as tough as it may sound, you may have to come to the conclusion that this relationship isn't going to work out in the long run.

Now-the hard/mature thing is that you are a lot better off knowing that now than six months down the road because you're going to save yourself a lot of stress. It probably seems impossible to comprehend right now, but believe me, everybody goes through this at some point or another.