Subject: Lesson No.1 in Global Capitalism -

Cows

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enro-capitalism):

* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...

Greg Moore

LOL :scatter: That was good
Isn't the traditional capitalism better? :smash:

o my god that kicked ass... :D whats funny is that they're so friggin' acurate... LOL

A DUTCH CORPORATION:

* You have two cows.
* You ship them around the world, to who need them
* From the money, you buy 3 cows
* And so on :)

A CANADIAN CORPORATION

* You have two cows
* You send them out to keep two herds of warring bulls apart.
* When one of them is killed, you bring the other one back to supervise the creation of the International Court of Bovine Rights.

AN AFRICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows
* Both were utilized for the dinner.
:laugh:

Why do the Kiwis always cop it? :-)

Gary

Kiwi one was the best, that just cracked me up! :P

:laugh: :D :stickout

More general, but same theme... :)

FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Cheers!

This was a better one from zRedDice
:laugh: