Hi,

I'm looking for some colocation space. I need the follownig.

20000000GB/Month
109.9999 Uptime
25/8/366 Support
96U Space

I won't have any OS on my servers when they get there, so I'll need any combination of Linux/FreeBSD/Win2k/Solaris installed. Possibly some clustering too. I can't deal with buying software, so please let me rent SQL Server Enterprise, and Oracle for $5 per month.

I don't have much money so I can't pay setup fees. I hate setup fees. If its possible, I want to pay only $99/month. Oh and I hate commitments, so If it's possible to pay $49.50 per 15 days, that would be awesome.

Oh , I also don't know jack about computers or how much bandwidth I'll need, so you better be able to replace bad hardware and fix any thing that goes wrong for free. I was only going to pay $50 per month, but if I go up to $99, I want some real managed support. If it's anything less than R@cK$p@ce, I'll move.

Thanks


[The above is a parody on some of the requests i've been getting lately. Hehe, I've been laughing at some of them so often, I just had to see if anyone else has been getting the same. Oh and if you can offer what's there.. heheh please contact me. ]

LOL Mods if this needs to be moved to the requests forum, hehe please do move it.

I have 3 packages like this in stock. They come with new Lexus coupes. Are you interested?

Wow that's great, but I found someone else who can give me "intaNAP" bandwidth at half that price.. And he also said that he'd be willing work full time on my servers for only $1 per hour.

Can you do that?

Was eating at Taco Bell, spent $11, and thought, "man, this is like 3 months worth of hosting I just ate" :D

Amazing that people want hosting for the price of a taco. For a fool around website, ok, I can understand, but to base your business on.... "Yo quiero Taco Bell!"

- John C.

Originally posted by JohnCrowley
Was eating at Taco Bell, spent $11, and thought, "man, this is like 3 months worth of hosting I just ate" :D

Amazing that people want hosting for the price of a taco. For a fool around website, ok, I can understand, but to base your business on.... "Yo quiero Taco Bell!"

- John C.

Hahah, that's just great, whats even funnier, is they'll pay 3 thousand dollars for the box, but not anything for software and hosting.

What a shame.

I can easily supply with with this for $50 a month and to top off lexus coupes.. I supply 5 bentlys..

Also includes:

Dual Pentium 4 2.8 GHZ
50000 MB Ram
10 X 120 GIG Hard drive
system

Includes management and complete security

Also included Personal tutor, secratary and anything else requested..

I can easily supply with with this for $50 a month and to top off lexus coupes.. I supply 5 bentlys..

Also included Personal tutor, secratary and anything else requested..

I am interested....

I'll take 10000000 of those. Tomorrow I will be a millionaire. First I must take out a loan.

"Was eating at Taco Bell, spent $11, and thought, "man, this is like 3 months worth of hosting I just ate" "

11 bucks? Damn that must've been a lot of Tacos! ;)

We're getting a lot of requests like these too...you're not alone! If you start offering Lexus's with your packages, somebody is gonna complain that they aren't BMW's....

Originally posted by peteny


Also included Personal tutor, secratary and anything else requested..


How, wait a second...
Don't think I'm just taking that offer without thinking about it a few days...

First of all... that secretary...
How old is she?
Is she nice?
Can you send me a pic of her?
And the Personal Tutore...
Is it a female one? picture?

Originally posted by peteny
I can easily supply with with this for $50 a month and to top off lexus coupes.. I supply 5 bentlys..

Also includes:

Dual Pentium 4 2.8 GHZ
50000 MB Ram
10 X 120 GIG Hard drive
system

Includes management and complete security

Also included Personal tutor, secratary and anything else requested..

That Bentleys, do they come with personal drivers? Because your competitor can offer this, but if you offer 2 drivers per bentley and the coupes, I will choose you. Of course only if the masseusse (to fight the RSI you get with being a business man) is included.

By the way, how much bandwidth do I get. Just a GigE?

Jacco

Originally posted by FiberOptic

Is she nice?


And more important, is she married?

Originally posted by f-w-r
I'll take 10000000 of those. Tomorrow I will be a millionaire. First I must take out a loan.

Take an unlimited loan!

Originally posted by jayjay
I have 3 packages like this in stock. They come with new Lexus coupes. Are you interested?

Only if they are grey, and I need unlimited gasoline.

LOL this thread cracks me up :)

btw... i'll take UNLIMITED :puke: of those great servers with the nice cars and the free secretaries :D let me know where to buy them haha

Only if they are grey, and I need unlimited gasoline.

OMG. Seriously. I'm glad you mentioned this! I have kidnapped a team of russian scientists and we have found a way to provide unlimited gasoline for just 99 cents PER YEAR!

Originally posted by peteny
I can easily supply with with this for $50 a month and to top off lexus coupes.. I supply 5 bentlys..

Also includes:

Dual Pentium 4 2.8 GHZ
50000 MB Ram
10 X 120 GIG Hard drive
system

Includes management and complete security

Also included Personal tutor, secratary and anything else requested..

I'll just have the tutor and the secretary please. :)

Originally posted by jayjay


OMG. Seriously. I'm glad you mentioned this! I have kidnapped a team of russian scientists and we have found a way to provide unlimited gasoline for just 99 cents PER YEAR!

w00t please tell me where to signup for this great plan i'll buy 2 of these and do you accept paypal? :D

We should make this deal in person. Please come to Iraq to meet us.

hey i could use that much bandwidth ;-) lol jk

Originally posted by jayjay
We should make this deal in person. Please come to Iraq to meet us.

do you offer 99cent unlimited plane tickets though because if not i wont use you then i'll come to iraq

:stickout :D

hahaha this thread is hillarious! :D

Originally posted by jayjay


OMG. Seriously. I'm glad you mentioned this! I have kidnapped a team of russian scientists and we have found a way to provide unlimited gasoline for just 99 cents PER YEAR!

Well, 99 cents is a bit expensive though. Can you guarantee that the cars have a 99.999999% running time with that gasoline. And is it possible to get it cheaper?

jayjay : so do you provide unlimited plane tickets for 99cents? i need to know this lol

heh :)

lol :cartman:

Oohh maybe now I ca run my huge forums. Can u supply some models as girlfriends.

Do you also supply the content and keep the site running? NOT? Why, you say it is managed!

jayjay : so do you provide unlimited plane tickets for 99cents? i need to know this lol

99 CENTS! We will come below any other provider out there! 42 CENTS A YEAR FOR UNLIMITED PLANE TICKETS.

(Provided that you bring me back cigars from wherever you go!)

com'n ppl supermodels!

I won't purchase the plan unless I get free unlimited sex. :D

I'm glad we didn't decide to ban "unlimited". :cool:

Originally posted by mind21_98
I won't purchase the plan unless I get free unlimited sex. :D

I'm glad we didn't decide to ban "unlimited". :cool:

Unlimited sex! Wow, you must be Superman to handle all the unlimited women! And do you got unlimited s***m yourself to satisfy all the unlimited women with no limits? :D

I need to know the Lexus model. Don't want no cheap ****.

I'm really interested in this package. :D

(funny thread)

Originally posted by Blikje


Unlimited sex! Wow, you must be Superman to handle all the unlimited women! And do you got unlimited s***m yourself to satisfy all the unlimited women with no limits? :D

It's called recycling. ;)

Can I have unlimited IPs too? I only need like 3, but I'm American, so I want more than I need cheaper than anyone else and I want it yesterday!

haha unlimited sex. lmao
i do wonder if this kind of offer will become real in time. hahah

Hee - this is weird.

In a good sort of way :D

My counter offer to my customers is:

10 bentleys (unlimited gas) 2 female super model drivers per car 99.9% uptime

5 cages @ exodus with unlimited bandwidth

25 dell servers with 4 X 2.8 ghz and 8 GIgs of ram, 10 x 120 GB 10,000 rpm hard drive

if interested please contact me

ALL THIS FOR THE SPECIAL LOW PRICE OF: $19.99 a month (discounts if you pay yearly)

I forgot the model secretarys and personal assistants :)

can I get a large order of fries with my unlimited bandwidth?

do i have to justify my useage of secraties to get more?

Originally posted by richy
do i have to justify my useage of secraties to get more?

lol nice :)

i;'ll take 2 of those 19.99 accounts and i want no tax and a discount for paying yearly too !!