StarGate
08-31-2002, 06:20 PM
THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?
Taken from a Florida Newspaper:
A man working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up-righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Since gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come
home.
Upon arrival he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor.
His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street.
The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics starting laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping
The husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.
Feeling better yet?
The average cost for rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
After this one you should start feeling fine!
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
Still not there yet?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Maybe this will do it!
Two aminal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to the slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
if after this one you don't feel better I give up!
And finally . . . Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.
and here is the last and best
The best has to be that two years ago police found a badly burnt body in a forest. An autopsy revealed that he died from shock rather than the burning. The more weird thing was that the body had a divers wetsuit on, along with oxygen tanks and their was no water for miles around. The police were puzzled as to how the diver got there and how he had gotten so badly burns.
It turns out that 2 weeks before there had been a bad forest fire. In order to control the forest fire, a helicopter with water scoop was deployed (you've guessed the rest right!!!).
The diver was diving in a lake 100 miles away when all of a sudden he became trapped in a metal container (the scoop from the helicopter). 15 minutes later he was being dropped from 1000 feet along with the water onto a burning forest inferno below!!!
See your day's not so bad, is it???
Taken from a Florida Newspaper:
A man working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up-righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Since gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come
home.
Upon arrival he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor.
His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street.
The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics starting laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping
The husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.
Feeling better yet?
The average cost for rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
After this one you should start feeling fine!
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
Still not there yet?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
Maybe this will do it!
Two aminal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to the slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.
if after this one you don't feel better I give up!
And finally . . . Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.
and here is the last and best
The best has to be that two years ago police found a badly burnt body in a forest. An autopsy revealed that he died from shock rather than the burning. The more weird thing was that the body had a divers wetsuit on, along with oxygen tanks and their was no water for miles around. The police were puzzled as to how the diver got there and how he had gotten so badly burns.
It turns out that 2 weeks before there had been a bad forest fire. In order to control the forest fire, a helicopter with water scoop was deployed (you've guessed the rest right!!!).
The diver was diving in a lake 100 miles away when all of a sudden he became trapped in a metal container (the scoop from the helicopter). 15 minutes later he was being dropped from 1000 feet along with the water onto a burning forest inferno below!!!
See your day's not so bad, is it???