does anyone know if you can turn off the pop-b4-relay to allow unrestricted relaying for just one user. if so how?

I believe you could add the IP address in the relay list in the CP. For the most part, you don't want to add domain like bill@aol.com (aol.com) since that would open it up to anyone@aol.com far as I understand it - which isn't too much, heh).