Alright guys here it goes....

my best friend has been going out with a girl that is not the same race as him (indian and persian), and they are in love (have been going out for 3 years) Now my friend used to be a player and not care about girls much, but heres where the situation comes into play....

She is also madly in love with my friend but the girls parents want her to have an arranged marriage, they would be cool with a guy she would choose if he was of the same race and cast (indian/punjabi)

Being torn in 2 worlds, to make her parents happy, (because they have had their share of problems) she is going to go along with her parents thoughts and agree to an arranged marriage...even though she loves my best friend....

He has come to me tonight and asked for advice, I told him it is a unique situation and that I would have to think about it....heres where you guys and gals can help...what is the best advice I can give a best friend?

Bad problem here, no easy solution at all :(

It's either live with broken hearts or elope - and pray that both sets of parents are tolarant and understanding.

I wish them the best.

any others?

Either:
Forget about her or Vegas!

Well, I know the two options, I am wondering what would be the best advice considering everything in the past and present. Ditch her....or what?

Ditch her, thats my personal opion... If she's willing to go though with the idea of arranged marriages I don't know how happy she would be with your friend...

Personally i belive you have to do what makes YOU happy, i've lost count of the times i have been hurt and used by people while trying to do what they want.
If i was her and i loved the guy i would go with him, not the arranged marriage.

However as she wants to go for the marriage and i was him i would probably let go, it will hurt like hell at first but it will hurt more if he tries 2 hang on and she goes ahead with the marriage.

The only thing is that i am not really religious so i wont even try and pretend how she feels with regard to her religion and parents, my parents wouldnt care who i married as long as he was a decent guy.

Thanks guys your comments are helping, I personally do not agree with arranged marriages even if it means the parents will disown their very own...

I think the ? comes down to who are you living for your parents or you....

I think the girl thinks differently, she is prob thinking what if I fall in love with the guy..then I have both..my parents and the NEW love of my life..

Be her backdoor lover .. all the fun, none of the hassle and twice the revenge.

Went home last night
Heard a noise, I asked my wife what was that
Went home last night
Heard a noise, I asked my wife what was that
Said Man don't be so suspicious
That ain't nothin' but a cat

Lord I travelled this world all over mama
Takin' all kinds of chance
Travelled this world all over mama
Takin' all kinds of chance
But I never come home before
Seein' a cat wearin' a pair of pants

Lord I wouldn't call him cat man
If he'd come around in the day
Wouldn't call him cat man
If he'd come around in the day
But he waits till late at night woman
When he can steal my cream away

Lord I want that cat man to stay away from my house
Lordy when I'm out
Lord I want that cat man to stay away from my house
Oh Lord when I'm out
Cause I believe he's the cause of my woman
Wearin' the mattress down

Said I went home last night
Actin' just quiet as a lamb
Said I went home last night
Actin' quiet as a lamb
I never raised no stuff man
Till I heared my backdoor slam.

Blind Boy Fuller 1936 "Cat Man Blues"

dialuphost, maybe she is also thing, what if she goes with your friend, loses her parents and then her and your friend split up. Then she will have lost everyone.

I agree with you though, i dont like the idea of arranged marriages and i dont like teh idea of parents disowning their children because they wont do what they want.

She should tell her parents to go to hell and let them know its not 2002 B.C. I dont give a crap where there from. Keep her man and even if it does not work atleast she is living for her not for her parents and there wack beliefs. If you cant live and be yourself whats the point of living at all.

Tazd, I agree with you, however I was thinking when are we going to break the barriers of race and cast if people do not start to live their lives for themselves and not for others. Parents mean a lot in some races, but which parents would disown their own kids because of a personal preference? I see that as being wrong, no matter what this girl does.

There's only one sensible solution.

All parties concerned should run nekkid through the streets, singing show tunes.

Dialup i agree, i was just saying how she probably sees it :)

Let me tell ya few things. Indian culture is totally different from western culture. In India once married most of the people don't brake marriages. Now as her parents must be old enough to respect traditional Indian family values they may not prefer that her daughter marry with western guy.

The only solution to this problem I see is that your friend should try to convince girls parents that he will take good care of her daughter and he really loves her very much and can not live without her.

Sure it will take some time but then he has a point to tell girl that he did whatever was possible to archeieve her because he loves her and if she loves your friend then achieve then can marry without girls parent concern.

But what if your friend left her after some years of marriage ?. what she will do then!. Is your friend really prepared for what he is going into because Indian culture is totally different then the western and he may not feel comfortable with it in later stage. Its not the matter of love he have to spent his full life with the girl.

:rolleyes:

I think Mahinder is probably giving the best advice so far.

It is important to look at it from her and her family's perspective and culture rather than from your own, which is a hard thing to do. But the reality is that her family and culture is what needs to be worked with since that is obviously where she is aligned with most.

I think your friend needs to learn a lot more about what makes things "tick" in her family. He then needs to decide if he wants to and can deal with it for a lifetime, because if he does marry her that is what he will be doing. There may very well be issues involving any children later on too, religion and upbringing etc.

It is not really productive to talk about the way things "should" be. You have to work with reality, not wishful thinking.

Thanks for everyones thoughts so far, actually being that my friend is Persian he knows all about the Indian culture over the years of being with her..actually the two cultures are quite similiar except for the relegion, but neither of them are really relegious....

Originally posted by OKIHost
She should tell her parents to go to hell and let them know its not 2002 B.C. I dont give a crap where there from. Keep her man and even if it does not work atleast she is living for her not for her parents and there wack beliefs. If you cant live and be yourself whats the point of living at all.
"wack" beliefs? such intolerance would be better suited to 2002 B.C.

i don't think western worlders with no knowledge or respect for any culture but their own are the best people to offer advice on such a matter.