How does one get over his girlfriend's past.

I'm going out with this girl, for about four months, everything is going fine and she's very self-respecting and trustworthy. I'm 19, she's 17.

However about 18months ago she had a one-night stand with a friend of mine, never since. The friend (rather part of drinking group) is a a complete woman user, has no respect for anyone apart of himself, which makes it a hell of a lot worse, I have good friends that I know if it happened with them I wouldn't think twice.

I keep getting pictures of it in my mine, I quiz her over it, every little details I find myself having to know, I ask the same question two or three times, I wish it never happened. It upsets hers that I can't just forget about it.

I know I'm being patheic (before you tell me), I want to get it out of my head, but it stresses me, all I want of peace of mind and to be able to love her unconditionally.

Will I grow out of this, I want too...

Thanks.

what this has to do with web hosting, but here goes.

You have only been dating her for 4 months and this happened 18 months ago? Do you really think there are many virgins left out there?
I think Chris Rock said it best "don't ask about your ladies past just be happy you are the one getting it now". You have to stop judging her on her past and judge her on the present, and I suspect if you do not realize this soon and accept she is with you now and drop the past that had nothing to do with you, she will get feed up and drop you.

Another point that may help, drop the friend keep the girl, maybe not seeing the drinking buddy will help you forget about it. If you love her enough get new friends.

Monte

This same exact thing happened to me. As the previous poster said you have to get over it or adventually she will leave as this is what happened with me. Luckely mine came back. Ofcoarse by that time we had been married and had a child together so she didn't have much of a choice.

At any rate since I have moved past it we have gotten along 400% better (Like we was when we had only been dating for 2 or 3 months. ;) )

Anyway that is in her past. I heard this saying one time. "The current definition of a virgin is an ugly third grader." I know that is a bit of an exageration but if she hadn't been with your friend it would have been someone else.

Basically you have to get used to the fact she has had other people in the past, and it is just that. The past. As long as she didn't contract anything don't worry about it.

What is important is the here and now.

Do you love her?
Does she love you?

If you truly love each other you do not have to worry about her cheating on you or leaving you for the next good thing that comes along.

Basically I guess I am saying that her past isn't important. The now is important.

Love
Commitment
Honor

Regards,
Michael

What? Were you a virgin when you met her or something? You have no past yourself?

Get over it or you will not have her for a girlfriend anymore anyway. Problem solved.

Wait a second. You're posting on a web hosting forum and you have a girlfriend? :D

It's a tough call. What it comes down to is if you feel you can still trust her then there's a chance at a future relationship. If not, you're still only 19, go have some fun and don't worry about settling down.

Sincerely,

-Matt

I have to say that I have been on the other end of this thing. My friend has never gotten over it (we are mere aquaintances now), and they aren't even seeing each other anymore. The thing is, it was a one night thing and we were aware shortly thereafter that there was no future in it. She and I are still friends. My point is, friendships are more important in the long run. Peripheral emotions are what attach meaning to sex. Learn that at this age and you will be light years ahead of your friends.

Girlfriend? What's that? :(

If I had a girlfriend hopefully I wouldnt have enough time to fill up these boards with my sensless posts......As im sure most of you can relate ;]

Not that Im not attractive I just don't make time for females.....

If you've been going out with her for 4 months and she had sex with him 12 ago, theres no problem what so ever, and if thats the biggest of your worries, you need to experience life more, if she had sex with him while you were going out, then there might be some issues to resolve..

Im pretty sure the girl I like right now was in some pornography in her past, but shes awsome and I realize that stuff like that dosent matter now....(she also does have a boyfriend right now, which does matter :( )

Im pretty sure the girl I like right now was in some pornography in her past
Now that would be tough.

Originally posted by Coyote
How does one get over his girlfriend's past.

I know I'm being patheic....

I bet she mentions that other guy sometimes just to piss you off, doesn’t she? Relax - it’s normal...

Kick her to the curb.

Get over it.

Years from now what seems like the biggest issue in your life now will be a complete non-event. You will kick yourself mentally for wasting even another second of thought or worry on this.

Of far more importance in your young life is my poll:
Bearded or not?
http://www.webhostingtalk.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56351

Your girlfriend has a beard!? :(

You shouldn't be having sex before you get married anyway...


So buy a dedicated server from me, and I'll hook you up with a Russian bride and all your problems are solved!!

Originally posted by Monte
what this has to do with web hosting, but here goes. Hence, the reason he posted it in the lounge and not in any other forum. According to the description of the lounge, you can post anything not related to hosting. "Forum for general conversation, share interests, have a laugh or discuss anything not related to above or below forums."

Your current version has a big hole and is exploitable with potential root compromises. You need to upgrade to Girlfriend 2.0 immediately! It's been de-virginatized for your safetly and passed all the current virus checks in it's system.

Originally posted by Tim_Greer
Your current version has a big hole and is exploitable with potential root compromises. You need to upgrade to Girlfriend 2.0 immediately! It's been de-virginatized for your safetly and passed all the current virus checks in it's system.

All i can say is :emlaugh: :emlaugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Now that is good. :laugh: You must have started the Friday night party early.

If you're over 18 and the person you're dating is under 18 isn't it illegal to have sex with them?

--Brian

.

Doesn't the age of consent vary? Try to look that up using google and you will find some rather disturbing stuff. :rolleyes:

I'm not accusing, I'm simply curious. I know here in Massachusetts that's the rule, or atleast I'm pretty sure it is ;-)

Back on topic. I agree with the advice to try to forget about it or it will do some serious damage to the relationship (most likely terminal). Hard to, yes, but you have to somehow divert your attention away from the topic when it pops into your head, don't discuss it with her. She doesn't want to discuss it, nor relive it 600 times and she'll get sick of that quickly (if she hasn't already). Distancing yourself from the guy might help.

Hint: Become a bit more like you friend, the woman-user... trust me you will like the results ;)

sharefile... are you trying to be an @sshole or does that just come naturally?

Originally posted by DanielP
sharefile... are you trying to be an @sshole or does that just come naturally?

M8, you have to be an @sshole to get a piece of arse... I don't like this "game" either but it is fact. When I "del niceguy.rob" and replaced it with "badguy.rob" I suddenly had the sucess I always wanted.

Women want a MAN. Obviously a MAN for them is someone who drives a BMW and treats them like crap. I could give you a psychological insight in WHY this is so cause I read that book about it but it'll be too much for a post ;)

LoL, its only fact if you make it fact for yourself. Being a womanizer and treating women poorly will get you no where, but then again don't blame me when your an old lonely fart who never got any commitment in his life and has so many regrets. Or maybe you won't even get that far because you picked the wrong woman to treat like **** and she decides to blow your brains out.

Think with your head and your heart, not your undersized dick.

Women deserve to be treated with respect and love, otherwise what you think your getting is nothing more than a high priced whore who takes her fee's another way.

I don't disagree with what you say, only with THIS
Originally posted by DanielP
... not your undersized dick.

... in case you meant normal sized I agree 100% ;)

It seems like she doesn't want to talk to you about it ...and that means she does not want to talk about the other guy. She obviously cares about you, not about him so give her a chance.

Originally posted by ShareFile


M8, you have to be an @sshole to get a piece of arse... I don't like this "game" either but it is fact. When I "del niceguy.rob" and replaced it with "badguy.rob" I suddenly had the sucess I always wanted.

Women want a MAN. Obviously a MAN for them is someone who drives a BMW and treats them like crap. I could give you a psychological insight in WHY this is so cause I read that book about it but it'll be too much for a post ;)

<-- Does not have an ******* boyfriend but gets lots and lots of sex. I hope to God you are being sarcastic, otherwise you know nothing about women ;)

Originally posted by Coyote
I can't just forget about it.
Don't worry, you'll get over it, I promise.
Just try not to wreck anything until then...

Hey, ever dated a girl that, each time she talks to you about a male friend of hers, ALWAYS ends up saying something like "oh, and we slept together"? I've been there, it can quickly make your head spin, math-wise :stickout

Originally posted by secludo


<-- Does not have an ******* boyfriend but gets lots and lots of sex. I hope to God you are being sarcastic, otherwise you know nothing about women ;)

Only speaking of experience... I don't like this either - I am very sensitive and romantic by nature - BUT... you know the rest...

Well getting upset and angry about the fact your girlfriend has had sex before she met you is a great way to end up looking like a tosser. So what if she has. She's with you now, so just be happy you have her, and treat her right. If you want to act like a fool then you'll find yourself sleeping alone soon enough and then won't have to worry about her at all. Problem solved.

Try the other shoe on for size. Imagine you have a girlfriend who's on your back about your past all the time, bringing it up, then getting all shirty because you have a past she's not a part of.. Not very nice eh?

Contrary to what many people these days seem to think, you're *not* the center of the universe, and people *do* go and have a life without you there. Accept it and move along...

Greg Moore

Hey ShareFile, I have seen some pictures you posted in another forum. You must have to be the biggest arsehole in the world to get chicks. Because with that haircut, you need all the help you can get......

:D

man, its getting more intemet here on WHT as the week passes. were did love come from. lol

Originally posted by UmBillyCord
Hey ShareFile, I have seen some pictures you posted in another forum. You must have to be the biggest arsehole in the world to get chicks. Because with that haircut, you need all the help you can get......

:D

Yep, agree 100%... as I said, you can look like horsecrap as long as you are a complete a$$hole women will LOVE you :D :D

Do I really look THAT bad?? :(
Check www.rackshack.net there is a picture of a guy next to some racks... now THATs ugly! :D :D :D

That certain person happens to own this forum :rolleyes:

lol, yup thats the 'head surfer' or something

Originally posted by NumLock
lol, yup thats the 'head surfer' or something

All I have to say to this is: If you SURF the net with your HEAD, don't complain you got no HAIR :D :D :D

<<<NON-MOD EDIT>>>


That certain person happens to own this forum :rolleyes:

So what do you mean? That he will abuse his position to ban me? Robert might b ethe owner of RS but he is not a Lamer... at least as far as I know ;)

I really appreciate the advice. I think it's what I wanted to hear.

I think I'm getting over it. Just thoughts now and again like how did he get this far ages ago in one night, which took me weeks of being a good guy (i am) before I got anywhere, not that I didnt try it on. Movin on....

Anyways I really appreciate the advice, thanks guys.

Sadly I find myself drifting to one worry to next, what do you think of this:
http://www.askmen.co.uk/dating/doclove_100/134_relationship_expert.html

Same situation but via sms/text messaging.

Originally posted by Coyote
Sadly I find myself drifting to one worry to next, what do you think of this:
http://www.askmen.co.uk/dating/doclove_100/134_relationship_expert.html

Same situation but via sms/text messaging.

Screw it! Doesn't that "Viagra trial pack" advertisement on top tip you off that this is a site for loosers?

There are 3 Billion women out there... remind your "girlfriend" about that :cartman:

if she is going to be talking to her X say bye bye save yourself the heartache later on. There is no good that come from it and you are just going to fall deeper for her then end up getting dumped on your arse.

Give her a choice her X or bye bye.

Monte

Do I really look THAT bad??

No, I was just giving you a hard time. :)

That's another downer, there isn't half alot of downers here.

Originally posted by Coyote
However about 18months ago she had a one-night stand with a friend of mine, never since. The friend (rather part of drinking group) is a a complete woman user, has no respect for anyone apart of himself, which makes it a hell of a lot worse, I have good friends that I know if it happened with them I wouldn't think twice.



First of all, are you sure it happened at all? So called ”women users" more talk than do.

Secondly, even if it's happened, remember the following: since ”women users" more talk than do, they are looking for new woman just because women don't want to stay with them, and not because they are so "don juans".

And thirdly, since you are going out with this girl for about four months, it means that this girl likes to be with you, and not with that (or any other) guy.

Originally posted by BrianF
I'm not accusing, I'm simply curious. I know here in Massachusetts that's the rule, or atleast I'm pretty sure it is ;-)

Here in Mass 17 is legal age of consent.. (beleive me I read the books :D) anyway the posters age shows why he posted what he did.. I have been with my wife 4 years. when I met her she had been with one of my freinds a couple weeks before.. i went through the same thing as you so i know how you feel, after I let it bother me for a while I just told myself to either deal with it or break up.. needless to say I realized I was not 16 anymore and wasting time letting stuff like that bother me was the most immature thing I could have done.. here I am almost 5 years later and I feel like the biggest F%*king idiot for letting that get to me and almost letting her get away also .. anyways good luck and hope you make the right decisions..

Originally posted by RackNine
Wait a second. You're posting on a web hosting forum and you have a girlfriend? :D


ROFLMFAO

Well, unless you have very strong religious beliefs about staying pure and clean... It's not that big an issue. Sometimes people just get carried away - that's why they call us humans, right? ;)

It's a one-nighter, for crying out loud! Not as if they went like bunnies for weeks, right? I wouldn't give it that much thought (if I were a guy), although I might be tempted to initially. Trust me, you'll get over it.

Either that, or I should stay away from the guys I see around here - they're all a little...*ahem* at this age...

Just my 2-cents. :)

Originally posted by Coyote
How does one get over his girlfriend's past.

However about 18months ago she had a one-night stand with a friend of mine, never since.

I remember that night. It was lovely. :cool:

Originally posted by secludo


<-- Does not have an ******* boyfriend but gets lots and lots of sex. I hope to God you are being sarcastic, otherwise you know nothing about women ;)

I have to reply to this but I got to do it tackfully.

Ok, here goes.

Women like bad boys, nice boys they can always find. At then end of the game we nice guys win. because we get the ones that love us for us and not for the money or the power.

mike

I agree with you ADE. I see all these chics that go after "bad boy" get hurt sooner or later. Soem of them never learn though. But heck I have already settled down, 18 (19 in less than a month) and married;) and she is 16 almost 17.
And yes I as a computer geek somehow foudn a girl, that loves me, and not because my "beast" is big!


*Black beast referes to my dual AMD 1600+ MP home PC

Right..................
I had a boyfriend who i dumped last year, i had a small crush on this guy whos great, hes only a friend and i had been having a really rough time and u know, he helped and i thought i liked him.
I would have NEVER cheated on my boyfriend, but he found out about this cryush and months after i got over it he was still quizzing me on any conversations i had with my mate, what we did when we met up, he even went as far as checking my aol email to see if i had been saying anything to him.
Needless to say this started to do my head in and i dumped him, men/women come and go, friends are the ones who are there when you really need them and i wasn't going to stop talking to my friend and keep my boyfriend.


And to the guy who said women want badboys, thats not true of every woman, yeah badboys are more exciting.
But i for one would rather have a nice sensitive caring guy who treats me like a person, not some piece of ass as you out it.
I've had a bad time with men, ones who buy me fake perfume and tell me its fake, treat me like trash and blackmail me emmotionally so maybe im a bit biased LOL :D :D

Wel the nice thing is that my wife was my fried and then we dated for like almost 3 years...then just got married...

Ah ya see my philosophy...

This might sound a bit controversial but here I go. I would allocate woman into a few groups...

1. Slags,Sluts,Tarts etc who are just gagging for a shag every 10 seconds. These can usually be spotted by the fake blonde hair, lack of any underware and the dress code of white and very little (at least here in the UK IMO)

You don't want one of these as you can guarentee they have pretty much every disease on the planet and you'll only be sloppy seconds - I reckon most of these go for the 'lads/gary boys' etc who quite often happen to be no-hopers working full time at Mcdonalds.


2. You then get your nice girls who sometimes do, sometimes don't have the looks/body but they go for the decent guys. These are pretty cool as a mate at first but I suppose you may not be fulfilled in the bedroom aesthetically.

Not a bad selection for a future wife as they usually have a personality unlike the tarts (anyone watching big brother *cough* jade)

3. Well this is the one ya want, They are not only fit,gorgeous,stunning,clean and nice. Hell there are a few of em about but if you find one you will know it! Proud to say I think i've got one of them and it's great :)

Anyway after my useless drivel and 00:16am I say get yourself a quality bird mate :)

Originally posted by ADEhost


I have to reply to this but I got to do it tackfully.

Ok, here goes.

Women like bad boys, nice boys they can always find. At then end of the game we nice guys win. because we get the ones that love us for us and not for the money or the power.

mike

Couldn't have said it better. This is EXACTLY what happens. Only thing is that the "in the end" is mostly veeeery much at the end :(

Hey dude,

Bus, Trains and Girls come and goes in life !! don't bother too much !! ;)

IMO, try to be nice with her and don't go on her past. Past is dead, you can not revert it. This will prove your gentility to her and she will lean on you for her time.

Just my $0.02 because I have experience this before. :cool:

If she did it before you started going out together, in all honesty you probably shouldn't be complaining. Sorry. :D

dumper

Whoever started this pos, dont drop your girlfriend, if you have sex with your girlfriend then breakup, and have a new girlfriend that was friends with your old one then youll be in the same position but Im sure the new girl woudlnt think a thing about it, she had sex in the past, nothing to wrry about...

As for the rest of this post, most of it is biatchin at sharefile(which he needs to get but not here) as sopposed to helping this guy resolve his personal issues.....

AS FOR THE LAW!!!!!!
It is Illegal for anyone OVER the age of 18 to have sex with anyone UNDER the age of 17.

If your 17 and shes 18 its legal.
If your 18 and shes 17 its legal.
If your 19 and shes 18 its legal.
If your 19 and shes 17 its illegal.
If your 17 and shes 19 its illegal.

About the whole nice/bad guy thing...
Its true, Girls need a "@sshole" in there life
My only true love in my life told me that she needed someone
who would be dominative in every situation, and would generally treat her poorly...

Im a generally attractive guy, and im definatly one of the nicest around, Girls are attracted to me, but in an example like this, where I treated this girl like gold becuase she was so important to me, I was shablafded in the heart on our 6 month annv...
If I treated her like shiz she would prob still be with me.....

Nice guys finish last. But they do finish.
Bad guys finish first, but there finish line is miles behind....

Though I must point out, it may be illegal, but only if the girl, you, or someone tells and wants to prosocute it. Its not liek speeding or killing the police cant just say your busted unless someone wants that way that can claim gaurdianship of the girl or u(if your underage)

Originally posted by ninji
AS FOR THE LAW!!!!!!
It is Illegal for anyone OVER the age of 18 to have sex with anyone UNDER the age of 17.

If your 17 and shes 18 its legal.
If your 18 and shes 17 its legal.
If your 19 and shes 18 its legal.
If your 19 and shes 17 its illegal.
If your 17 and shes 19 its illegal.

Fellatio is also illegal in some states, even if you're 30 and it's with your wife in a dark room.

Originally posted by ninji

It is Illegal for anyone [B]OVER the age of 18 to have sex with anyone UNDER the age of 17. Even assuming you're talking about the US, those are state laws and so it depends on where you are. For example, here in NY it wouldn't be illegal for me to have sex with a 17-year old (while it would almost certainly be a bad idea) even though I'm well over 18.

Originally posted by logf
Though I must point out, it may be illegal, but only if the girl, you, or someone tells and wants to prosocute it. Its not liek speeding or killing the police cant just say your busted unless someone wants that way that can claim gaurdianship of the girl or u(if your underage) Not true; much like your example of speeding if the police happened to catch you, you certainly could be prosecuted. Remember that next time you're in the car.

They might not choose to, but they could... just like any other violation.

Going a little off topic I found this site pretty funny as I looked over some of the "legalitys" there are out there.. The one about having sex with truckdrivers in a tollbooth is the best..
'
http://www.journalism.sfsu.edu/flux/gSpot/sexLaw.html

Logf, thats not true, aslong as there proof,
RKelly isnt having charges pressed against him by the girl, but there still fo0kin him over.... Aslong as there proof it happend and the police have it your not getting away. Even if she(or her parents) don't press charges..

Dang I guess I have always been mislead...lucky for me...my girlfriend (now wife) parents liked me...she is 2 years younger than me;)

Those are just wrong laws...though I bet a cop would only bust you if he was REALLY bored! - in reply to OKI link;)