Last week I left two Windows XP CD's on my dashboard in plain view.

Someone broke into my car and left two more.


:D

How's this for an Oxymoron...

Microsoft Works

Haaa ya! Im sure you all have seen this but I thought I would throw in a link because no matter how many times I watch this, its still hilarious. What a tool!

http://www.globnix.org/ballmer/dancemonkeyboy.mpeg

Originally posted by inogenius
How's this for an Oxymoron...

Microsoft Works

Heh, for some reason that made me laugh, (first time in a while I might say...:stickout)

Not sure where I got this from, but whatever...

Originally posted by Kyle Babich
Not sure where I got this from, but whatever...

Personally I prefer the original: "Dear world, I can't take it any more. This damn paperclip [cursor here]".

Originally posted by phpjames
Haaa ya! Im sure you all have seen this but I thought I would throw in a link because no matter how many times I watch this, its still hilarious. What a tool!

http://www.globnix.org/ballmer/dancemonkeyboy.mpeg

woa..I never saw that, is it real?

Hell ya thats real. There is an even funnier one where he goes "DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOP ERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS," and hes got super smelly wet fat boy armpits dripping through his shirt. Steve Ballmer is such a dildo!

Originally posted by phpjames
Hell ya thats real. There is an even funnier one where he goes "DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOP ERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS,DEVELOPERS," and hes got super smelly wet fat boy armpits dripping through his shirt. Steve Ballmer is such a dildo!

where can I see that?

Go crazy!
http://www.ntk.net/media/developers.mpg

This one is even more twisted!
http://homepage.mac.com/jcarusone/iMovieTheater2.html

Heheh, first joke and the ms-suicide one were a good ones.
:D

Oh my god!!! I know Steve Ballmer is somewhat mentally challenged, but this is insane!!! It must be very embarassing for Microsoft employees to have a CEO like that. :) Mr. Ballmer really needs to consult his psychiatrist.

It is very interesting the way he said 'I love this company', he said it like he is going to lose it :).

Win95 FAQs
----------
http://www.humorcentral.com/humor/hcjoke144.html

[With the release of Windows 95, we know there are questions that many of
you have. As a service, we've collected some of the more frequently asked
questions and have answered them here.]

Q: Why should I upgrade to Windows 95?
A: Because of the size of Microsoft, and its influence on the American
economy, it's crucial that all PC users buy Windows 95. If this doesn't
happen, the dollar will fall further against the yen, unemployment will
rise, the deficit will increase, interest rates will skyrocket, the market
will crash, and we'll be plunged into another world war. Besides, Bill Gates
says you should.

Q: What about long filenames?
A: Ha ha. Can't believe you fell for this one. Sure you can create long
filenames, which are then immediately truncated to an eight character
string, for old times sake. When you go to look for your file, the operating
system matches a random sampling of letters with the filenames it has
stored. Good luck finding your file.

Q: Does Windows 95 offer true multitasking?
A: Yes. It's called Interactive Multitasking, meaning you can go work on
other tasks while waiting for your computer to reboot each time Win95
crashes.

Q: What does "32-bit" mean?
A: Colloquially, 2 bits means 25 cents (as in "Shave and a haircut, two
bits"). So 32 bits is $4, or the amount it costs Microsoft to make something
for which they'll charge you $89.

Q: Can Windows 95 really work with only 4 MB of RAM as Microsoft claims?
A: It's true! However, we caution you not to try to run any programs under
this configuration. In fact, it's best if you don't turn the machine on at
all.

Q: Why did the Justice Department allow Windows 95 to ship with access to
Microsoft Network?
A: The Justice Department was mysteriously gifted several million shares of
Microsoft stock by an anonymous donor and now has a stake in Microsoft's
eternal success.

Q: Why would I want to sign up for Microsoft Network?
A: You won't have a choice. Windows 95 manipulates your monitor's refresh ra
te to flash subliminal messages on your screen suggesting that you sign up
for MSN. In this hypnotic state, you'll do anything they say. Anything they
say. Anything they say...

Q: How do I get support?
A: In anticipation of the flood of customer support calls, Microsoft has
contracted with city agencies across the country for their services. If you
need assistance for Win95, just dial 911.

Q: But doesn't Windows 95 come with some cool features, like a trash can on
the desktop?
A: Wow!!! How... innovative of them.

Q: Didn't Windows 95 have another name?
A: Yes. Macintosh 89.

---------------------------------------

:D :D :D

Originally posted by phpjames
Haaa ya! Im sure you all have seen this but I thought I would throw in a link because no matter how many times I watch this, its still hilarious. What a tool!

http://www.globnix.org/ballmer/dancemonkeyboy.mpeg

i thought it was WWF show ;)

hey chicken how about this ;)

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/ap/20020221/ts/microsoft_privacy.html

I wonder if someone is interested in finding out how many times I watched Steve Ballmer act like an idiot. This is one of the reasons I hate BIG BROTHER Micro$uck!

Funny!

These cops are probably hired by M$.

:D

so, well..what exactly is your point? these are so old..

ahhh lay off him, I found them pretty funny

Funny

lol



Jim

Check out the pit/sweat stains on Steve Ballmer in that one "developers" mpeg. That just makes me hot and bothered (NOT!). That's totally gross coming from someone that's professional (Well maybe he's not all that professional... :) ). I can understand if they guy was just out playing basketball, but during a seminar, etc... yuck!

Wow... guy gets a little bit too excited.

But... in the developers video I'm pretty sure he only said it four times the whole way through.

Hey, it takes something special to do what ballmer did. I think he's ability to liven up the show makes him a great presentor. - not sure about CEO that's all. Is he really the CEO? wow :emlaugh:

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "WHERE AM I ?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.' The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determine the course to steer to SEATAC (Seattle/Tacoma) airport and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." :D :D :D

Originally posted by Shawn (GEcom)
"I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." :D :D :D

Hey! If you're going to retell a joke, do it properly.

It's not a Microsoft building, it's a mathematics department, anywhere in the world.

(And since I'm a mathematician, I feel perfectly entitled to make that assertion.)

hehe

I wish I could remember some of these jokes at the next dinner party.