richardg1976
02-15-2004, 08:03 PM
I found this hilarious and I thought that I'd share...
FFFast.com welcomes Polish psychic Uri Golumki, one of the foremost seers on our planet, today. Rarely interviewed, Golumki reveals his predictions about life on Mars, it's connection to the legendary Atlantis, the Egyptian pyramids -- and even American heavy industry. (You can read Golumki's bio, here.) - Editors
FFFast:
Welcome, Psychic Golumki. Is there anything we need to do to, uh, put you in the mood to be mental?
Psychic Golumki:
Rub my feet.
FFFast:
This helps you to concentrate on psychic matters?
Psychic Golumki:
No no no, but I miss the taxi when I try to take him, and is then very long walk to get here.
FFFast:
Perhaps we should just move along to our first question.
Psychic Golumki:
Yes, do. I know what it is you will ask. You want to know baseball score, right?
FFFast:
Er, no, not exactly. I was going to ask if life would be found on Mars.
Psychic Golumki:
Oh, yes, big big life, there. Big faces, all of them.
FFFast:
Do they look like us?
Psychic Golumki:
Yes, just like us. They have acne problem, though.
FFFast:
But they look like us otherwise? Two arms, two legs, and so on...?
Psychic Golumki:
No, not right, they have big face but not body.
FFFast:
They have faces, but no bodies? How can that be?
Psychic Golumki:
They have face, but body in another dimension.
FFFast:
Where is this "other dimension"?
Psychic Golumki:
Akron.
FFFast:
Akron, Ohio?
Psychic Golumki:
Yes yes yes -- they have weird rubber fetish -- all work in tire factories.
FFFast:
I find that hard to believe.
Psychic Golumki:
Me, too. I would not work there, either.
FFFast:
You say they have "big faces"... what do you mean by that?
Psychic Golumki:
Hey, fat head, big face.
FFFast:
The Martians are fatheads?
Psychic Golumki:
This is what Psychic Golumki predicts. My brother-in-law is fathead, and everyone thinks he come from Mars. It only makes sense, no?
FFFast:
What about Martian technology? Are they as advanced as we are? More advanced?
Psychic Golumki:
No. Very primitive, not smart -- in Polish, we have word for it: stupid. Even have indoor plumbing, but they do not know how to use. That is why so dry on Mars.
FFFast:
Perhaps we can look into the past a little. Some say Martians helped build Cheops and the Egyptian pyramids. Is this so?
Psychic Golumki:
That is very silly idea. [laughs] Pyramids built by Halliburton, everyone knows this. Hosny Mubarak, he still tries to get his money back for what they overcharge him.
FFFast:
What about the legends that refugees from a vanquished Mars fled to Earth and founded Atlantis?
Psychic Golumki:
Also not true. People get confused, because Martians invent Mylanta. Food there sucks.
FFFast:
One final question: Will the Mars Spirit or Opportunity rovers encounter these Mars inhabitants?
Psychic Golumki:
Already, they have. One of them relieve himself on the Spirit rover, which is what make the machine stop working for a while.
FFFast:
Thank you for these great insights, Psychic Golumki. Is there anything you would like to add?
Psychic Golumki:
No, I thank you. Dzie kuje. But -- could you help me find taxi? I can never find...
Psychic Uri Golumki proudly holds an unparalleled record divulging his visions about both our future and our past both courageously and inexculpably, and without ever once incorrectly stating a falsehood.
Golumki predicted the fall of the Berlin Wall (though it fell in the opposite direction from what he said it would); that the US Civil War would be won by the North (somewhat late on that one); and that Bill Clinton would not run for a third presidential term.
A modest and humble man, Golumki lives quietly with his wife and pigs in Westport, Connecticut, in the same neighborhood as Martha Stewart.
FFFast.com welcomes Polish psychic Uri Golumki, one of the foremost seers on our planet, today. Rarely interviewed, Golumki reveals his predictions about life on Mars, it's connection to the legendary Atlantis, the Egyptian pyramids -- and even American heavy industry. (You can read Golumki's bio, here.) - Editors
FFFast:
Welcome, Psychic Golumki. Is there anything we need to do to, uh, put you in the mood to be mental?
Psychic Golumki:
Rub my feet.
FFFast:
This helps you to concentrate on psychic matters?
Psychic Golumki:
No no no, but I miss the taxi when I try to take him, and is then very long walk to get here.
FFFast:
Perhaps we should just move along to our first question.
Psychic Golumki:
Yes, do. I know what it is you will ask. You want to know baseball score, right?
FFFast:
Er, no, not exactly. I was going to ask if life would be found on Mars.
Psychic Golumki:
Oh, yes, big big life, there. Big faces, all of them.
FFFast:
Do they look like us?
Psychic Golumki:
Yes, just like us. They have acne problem, though.
FFFast:
But they look like us otherwise? Two arms, two legs, and so on...?
Psychic Golumki:
No, not right, they have big face but not body.
FFFast:
They have faces, but no bodies? How can that be?
Psychic Golumki:
They have face, but body in another dimension.
FFFast:
Where is this "other dimension"?
Psychic Golumki:
Akron.
FFFast:
Akron, Ohio?
Psychic Golumki:
Yes yes yes -- they have weird rubber fetish -- all work in tire factories.
FFFast:
I find that hard to believe.
Psychic Golumki:
Me, too. I would not work there, either.
FFFast:
You say they have "big faces"... what do you mean by that?
Psychic Golumki:
Hey, fat head, big face.
FFFast:
The Martians are fatheads?
Psychic Golumki:
This is what Psychic Golumki predicts. My brother-in-law is fathead, and everyone thinks he come from Mars. It only makes sense, no?
FFFast:
What about Martian technology? Are they as advanced as we are? More advanced?
Psychic Golumki:
No. Very primitive, not smart -- in Polish, we have word for it: stupid. Even have indoor plumbing, but they do not know how to use. That is why so dry on Mars.
FFFast:
Perhaps we can look into the past a little. Some say Martians helped build Cheops and the Egyptian pyramids. Is this so?
Psychic Golumki:
That is very silly idea. [laughs] Pyramids built by Halliburton, everyone knows this. Hosny Mubarak, he still tries to get his money back for what they overcharge him.
FFFast:
What about the legends that refugees from a vanquished Mars fled to Earth and founded Atlantis?
Psychic Golumki:
Also not true. People get confused, because Martians invent Mylanta. Food there sucks.
FFFast:
One final question: Will the Mars Spirit or Opportunity rovers encounter these Mars inhabitants?
Psychic Golumki:
Already, they have. One of them relieve himself on the Spirit rover, which is what make the machine stop working for a while.
FFFast:
Thank you for these great insights, Psychic Golumki. Is there anything you would like to add?
Psychic Golumki:
No, I thank you. Dzie kuje. But -- could you help me find taxi? I can never find...
Psychic Uri Golumki proudly holds an unparalleled record divulging his visions about both our future and our past both courageously and inexculpably, and without ever once incorrectly stating a falsehood.
Golumki predicted the fall of the Berlin Wall (though it fell in the opposite direction from what he said it would); that the US Civil War would be won by the North (somewhat late on that one); and that Bill Clinton would not run for a third presidential term.
A modest and humble man, Golumki lives quietly with his wife and pigs in Westport, Connecticut, in the same neighborhood as Martha Stewart.