Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

"Chili's a lot like sex: When it's good it's great, and even when it's bad, it's not so bad."

A friend is someone you can call to help you move. A best friend is someone you can call to help you move a body.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Lorena Bobbit for White House Intern.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;accidents in the back seat cause kids

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard

The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.

If a man is talking in the woods, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Fight crime, buy a gun !

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like bananas

Skydivers: Good to the last drop

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Women:can't live with them, pass the beer nuts

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

* Just because I'm wandering, doesn't mean I'm lost.
* Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly!
* Forget World Peace - Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
* If you can't read this, you're illiterate.
* We're spending our childrens' inheritance.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
* Born Free... Taxed to Death.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* No Radio - Already Stolen
* My son is an honor student at the state correctional facility.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver.
* According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* WARNING! Driver only carries $20 of ammunition.
* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy.
* Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
* Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* A man with worms is never alone.
* If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
* Love isn't love until you give it away.
* Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
* Imagination is the foundation of reality.
* When all else fails, lower your standards.
* Don't take my signals literally.
* Life is a terminal disease!
* It's been Monday all week.
* Why be normal?

Whut?!

What are you guys doing?

They're posting their favorite sayings from bumper stickers.

I'm thinking of making the "Give me ambiguity or give me something else" one my new .sig. I currently have "I love the story of America, I love the fact that people who started with nothing and have built a fantastic food processing business." -- George W. Bush

:D

All generalizations are false, including this one.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. - Irene Peter
Always remember no matter where you go, there you are.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. - Pardo

Anything that is designed to do more than one thing can't do any of them well.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. - Mae West
Bigamy : one husband too many. Monogamy : same thing.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.


Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18. - Albert Einstein

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
Constant change is here to stay.
Dain bramaged.
Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.

Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do witches run spell checkers?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Don't be so open-minded your brains will fall out.

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.


___ Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
Every time I've built character, I've regretted it.

Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.

Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. - Olivier

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Floggings will continue until morale improves.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

Forgive your enemies...but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friendship is one soul in two bodies.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sucks.

Grow your own dope... plant a man.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!!
Gun control is being able to hit your target!
He who hesitates is probably right.

the one that made me laugh the most was this one when I was driving home from work.

Roses are black, violets are red, it is time to get you in bed.

It wasnt the acuall bumper sticker that made me laugh, but who was driving. :D

Those are really funny!

One of our bus operators has one on his vehicle: "My other car is a Gillig" Gillig is a make of bus.

One of my favorites is:

"Welcome to California. Now go home."

This was my fav I came across when I used to do some work for the local traffic warden organisation: "Caution is an accessory installed for free in all vehicles. Please use it always"