Well everyone has to add 2 sentences to the story so here it goes: (yes i'm bored)

One day i was walking in the forest and all of a sudden something appeared, i .....

looked over my shoulder and there was a bed, i fell asleep in this bed

and never ever woke up again, i was now officially dead.

Next thing I knew, I was standing at the gates of heaven.
Yikes, there was a long queue before me.

Following my eternal wait to reach the front of the queue, i was denied entry into heaven and plummeted to hell.

Upon arrival to hell I was ripped to pieces incinerated in flames and my seul destroyed, never to be returned into existence again.

PS: if you manage to think of an addition to this id be surprised!!, bwahaha :cool:

But.. one day a little girl was walking down the same forest and fell into a well, in that well she found a jar of ashes and with note in there and...
Originally posted by xtstrike
Following my eternal wait to reach the front of the queue, i was denied entry into heaven and plummeted to hell.

Upon arrival to hell I was ripped to pieces incinerated in flames and my seul destroyed, never to be returned into existence again.

PS: if you manage to think of an addition to this id be surprised!!, bwahaha :cool:

.. that note said "These are the Remains of *****" .. do NOT open this Jar, or terrible doom will be released upon the world...

But beiing a curious little girl she ....

juggled the letters "*****" around in her mind and somehow came up with the phrase "S-H-I-T CO" (amazing coinidence hey?)

Having read the text, she slips on a rock, the jar goes flying into the air...

PS ive given in on sabotaging this thread so thought i may aswell go along with it!

...and crashes to the ground, once again unleashing the horrible evil upon the world. All hope is lost unless...

unless the 3 Dwizards come and rid the world of this evil precense. But only one wizard comes, known in the forest as carlos!

Carlos comes along with the CDS for backup to capture the ***** of all evil.
Originally posted by cbaker17
unless the 3 Dwizards come and rid the world of this evil precense. But only one wizard comes, known in the forest as carlos!

bringing with him the mighty forces of honest hosting companies from all over the world.

Together, they :smash: ***** into a million little pieces, but unfortunately baby *****s appear everywhere.


(cool, this makes post 100)

...The baby *****s tried to....

... tie Carlos onto a biiiiiig tree that almost (:D) reached heaven and started burning bandwidth below his feet...

But then along came a NOC that was randomly bouncing around the forest...and it started letting the little babies grow up, but then stopped feeding them properly and didn't allow them to grow as fast as they should be..a few babies actually died...

...some of the babies suddenly began to grow very large and started gobbling up the smaller babies...

Some of these growing babies finally came to realize that the bouncing NOC was very bad for their growth....so they escaped from it...fleeing as fast and as far as they could.

...while Carlos is still waiting for someone to get him off the tree ...

...Rocky, the oldest and wisest member of the elite 3 Wizards, uses his telapathic (sp?) powers to find the where abouts of the younger, not so wise elite Wizard Carlos who has been stuck in the tree for nearly a week now....

... when he found out that Carlos didn't eat his breakfast in the morning, but flushed it down the toilet while nobody was looking. Rocky decided that ...

...It would be wise to excommunicate Carlos from the elite Wizard group. Anybody who would use his wizard powers to install a toliet in a tree he was stuck in just so he can flush his lunch down it, instead of using them to actually get of the tree, should not have the fate of the world in his hands...

...meanwhile, back at the farm...

All of a sudden ......!
Originally posted by TheOp
...meanwhile, back at the farm...

You hear a big bang! You turn around and to your horror, you see.....?

.... the DataColo server box hosting WHT has malfunctioned due to CPU overheating and HDD/RAID failure. Everyone moans

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo..........!

... and everyone rushes to WHT anonymous, where......

...it is discovered that a new set of rules is in place. Because of the abusively-excessive use of smilies in sigs, the moderators have decided that text messages can no longer be posted, and members must communicate with each other by posting polls.

As strange as the new "polls-only" rule seems, reading down the list of new rules reveals an even more shocking and disturbing rule:

.... everyone must post in their birthday suits :)

Chicken in particular finds this a strong point of contention and he whinges........

mainly because, in order to post in his birthday suit, he must be plucked, which is a rather painful ordeal. Meanwhile the trial of Carlos the Wizard is ongoing where........

a massive previously un-noticed comet comes plummeting toward the planet, destroying all life forms and all remaining life forms are burnt up by the nearest sun.

No life forms escape from the disaster and heaven and hell are no more, all life as we know it is destroyed, when suddenly the entire universe is sucked into a huge black hole and instantly annihilated.

So God created it all again........

(they say, History repeats itself, so god recreated everything .. then.....)

One day i was walking in the forest and all of a sudden something appeared, i .....

and then I ....

Woke up and realised it was just a dream, no one shot JR and ***** doesn't exist.

...until i found a Wizard called Carlos who was stuck in burned tree for months and claims that he was the only survivor of a past civilization ...

He claimed that the hosting matrix had got him. When we asked him what it was, he said....

..The wizard said it was that damn BGP, it sucked all my packets into oblivion.

Then......

...he said "crap."

..Then, the Wizard tried to fix it - but couldnt, so visited the ranch and ...

Met a Blonde bombshell called Lola who the most impressive unix skills ever seen by the wizard, she also had a great pair of........

..CPUs in here favourite web server.

she also had a nice...

Rack in which she she placed her duel cpu web server, the wizard then offered Lola a job in Datacolo as long as she agreed to live in......

a 42U cabinet with a matress in it and not tell Mrs Wizard about it.

But then one day...

...she got fed up with trying to compete with the VA Linux 1220 and left for...

the ™ Data Center because it looks nice too (Carlos will get that one).

But after a while she just couldn't cope with all the ™s so she left in search of....

a data center that could fore fill her dreams , she stumbled across a placed called VDI and knocked on the door, Bill answered and said.....

you can transfer your bandwidth down my OC3 anyday baby!

After a few weeks she realised....

that she missed the 42 inches that the wizard carlos had once given her so she unplugged her server as fast as she could said bye to the bloke from burger king and ran back to datacolo, bill said not again and.......

and put his OC3 away for another day.

Meanwhile back with Wizard Carlos and his 42 inches of....

Cat 5 cable which Lolas server was once plugged in to. The wizard heard a knock at the door and the pretty voice of lola shouting "open up you dodgy criminal my sites have been down for 8 hours and thats before I unplugged my server from vdi" carlos sprung to his feet and........

look here, my photo isn't that dodgy, if you ever want to get your hands on my Cat5 again you'd better watch it lola.

With that lola.....

...left.

so they made Carlos host all his sites with ***** as long as he owned a 'puter.
So the three the....

...set out on the journey to the *****s billing department to sign up all of Carlos sites....

When he noticed Lola had stolen his wallet on the way out of the door with a scream the wizard carlos.....

...realized that lola was in fact Guadalupe Milk and she needed money because they ran out of sites to steal pictures and content from and she needed...

...to hide the truth that "she" was really a "he"; Larry Balding. To Carlos' horror, he discovered that there was never any roll of Mento's in Lola's pocket after all. Carlos runs to the bathroom and grabs the Drano and...

and then... something awful happens.....

...Carlos caught a fever. It was.....

It was the dreaded burst fever !! He then started to stamp ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ™ ®®®®®®®®®®®®®®® every where is was easy to see the wizard™® was now very ill and sat in Datacolo™® untill...

he spotted a bottle of luminoius glowing portion on the other end of the room, now he wonder...

He read the label and it said An Tacid Blue. this, thought he, is just the thing to settle my stomach after finding out that Guadalupe Milk was sour. He upended the bottle and guzzled it down. Within minute his ears began to ring, he head to spin and he began to see...

millions and millions of ID ten T errors on his 'puter. So he rebooted and ....

... to his amazement ...

Down came the good fairy and she said.... *included in the post soundtrack is the tune from little bunny foo foo*

after bopping bunnies for an hour or two he felt rather dirty and decided a shower was in order.

He felt quite depressed as he felt that was a nasty habit he'd broken at the end of his teen years. He was thinking about this so much as he got out of the shower he didn't notice...

the world had ended.

so he put down his cigarette (His nasty teen habit) and ....

placing his bopped bunny off to one side, hitched up his towel, and walked out into the stars.

Feeling rather annoyed at the whole 'end of the world' thing he absently pondered how he was going to charge his laptop battery as it was getting low last time he checked. It suddenly ocured to him, instead of a powerpoint, he could...

he could tap into the power of the "Sun".
Suddenly his laptop changed into a "Cobalt" blue color and ...

charged him an extra $2000 for the privilege of it.

Now Wizard Carlos was.....

researching his credit card bill for all of the over-charging and realized that the bills were coming from his arch-foe *****.
The same *****, that he defeated in his previous life.
Pondering on what to do, he came to the conclusion it was time to call on re-enforcements.
Running quickly to the "BatPhone" called the Dean of Karl and...

there was no answer, what could be wrong. Perhaps the end of the world took them away from him. Whatever shall he do. Then all of a sudden he felt the earth shake beneath his feet. Something starting to raise out of the Ground...

something more horrible and menacing than he'd ever seen before! Satan himself trembled at the toes of this fiery, evil creature! In a tremendous voice, it opened its gargantuan mouth and said, "I AM...

... TICKLED TO DEATH THAT YOUR CUTE BUNS ARE STILL HERE" With a slight curve of his wrist, he pranced on over to where Carlos was standing and....

slapped him silly.

Then along came Dean and Karl to start and rebuild the world from Lego, papermache and some sticky back plastic.

but they forgot to read the instructions and came up with a poorly designed model of the moon.
Which was funny since no one knew what it really looked like.

Eventually the moon resembled something more like a round mound of Limburger cheese with about 2000 craters in it. The smell given off by the moon was so bad that half the world's inhabitants became allergic to cheese even before they were born.

Deano and Karl shrug their shoulders and.....

... start a Lactose and Tollerant Association. Which becomes very popular and successful. With this they now have enough money to defend the newly built world against the evils that shall come.

And no sooner were they ready to do so, when all of a sudden --

***** reappears with a ray gun and Karl sends in reinforcements.
As the call goes out to all security personell, anyone with a red shirt ran for cover except for ...

Barbara Streisand and her huge shnoz. Her mere presence absorbed all substance of value from nearby beings. She then opened her mouth and began to sing...

and it was the secret weapon they'd been hiding all along. *****'s evil minions were all turned into flaming fags by the sacharine lyrics emanating from the ill-favored woman. The flames lit the night sky and the light shown upon...

a Cobalt Sun, and everything was nice again. Peace had been restored, the planet looked like earth again.
But soon another problem arose, looking around they found out there was only one chicken and he was ...

....... wearing only his birthday suit and suffering from UnlimoBand-schizophroid syndrome*.

The chicken eventually went mad and Karl had to.......






* = a syndrome where someone is affected by the 'unlimited bandwidth' term and is affected by it to the point that he can squawk nothing but unlimited bandwidth all bloody day... While also having hallucinations of pretty little Cobalt boxes and memories from a past life...

Gut him. Once had had done this he got some sweet and sour stir in stuff and sent out dinner invites for the opening of the biggest.........

Originally posted by Deano
Gut him. Once had had done this he got some sweet and sour stir in stuff and sent out dinner invites for the opening of the biggest.........

....... strip club in town. Of course, nobody could refuse with the threat of 'unlimited bandwidth' torture hanging over the invite, so everyone turned up, but they got more than they bargained for.......

Because there were no ladies just carlos the wizard, Nick and karl spinning round greasy poles singing spice girls music, they asked Dean to join them but he had more sense and instead started playing with lighter fluid a kitchen knife and a box of matches, every one was so appalled at his tacki stage show they......

..editing all the posts from the different salesmen. As he poured himself ANOTHER cup of Joe..

does anyone really read this?

then the Wizard woke up and realised it was a knightmare, he knew that Karl would never do anything so tacky.

The wizard got out of bed and went for a shower, when he got out he realised...

he had no feet ?

so he tripped and fell

and there was no floor so he fell into .......

Originally posted by Honu
he had no feet ?

so he tripped and fell

and there was no floor so he fell into .......

into the arms of his wife, who was waiting at the bottom of the ocean. The wife turned the Wizard into a merman and took him to their new subterranean home, where.....

... they made ...

..a massive..

pipi palai pupu

(beefsteak apetizer)

followed by a round of mad passionate...

OMFG - ive just spent an hour copying and pasting this story into a word document :)

hot dripping.....

LAVA which sadly cooked them from the inside out and they smelt like lobster while burning. After this tragic accident a big funeral was held, every one from the web hosting industry attended including....

... CoyLee, ...

and while at the graveyard
not shedding a tear
they visited all the Unlimited bandwith
and space grave sites that all the good hosts fear ...

and found a grave called "tacidhost", with a title shang on their, the grave was opened... suddenly..

... the ghost of Shang popped out and screeched, "An unlimited bandwidth curse on all of youse!! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA" and everyone ran in fear.... But along came Charles Baker, who commanded...

"FREE CARMEX, COFFEE, AND ALTOIDS FOR ALL, oh and I also command...."

...that "The Village People" that have been running the mighty *VDI*, must now all join the new punk rock band called "Homo & The Sapiens" and help to start combating the "unlimited bandwidth curse" by......

the evil cult of...

shang and *****, whilst the...

awesome forces of WHT's 3868 (current status) knights and warriors lead by General Chicken...

bashed down the gates of ***** and found that unlimited bandwith for all 6000 hosts were all fed by one t-1
but worse yet we saw the........

the single backup machine actually used paper tape, and it was not even "chad less."
And there off to one side was a litlle old woman ...

..as ugly as ugly could be. She suddently put her hand in her pocket and took out a..

pair of scissors and started making paper dolls out of the miles of backup paper just when from across the room ran....

the Avatar bandit. That little rascal has been stealing the Avatars from all the WHT members. He darted across the floor and

General Chicken, yelled to his trops, "Get that little b**tard!" Xstrike, recently field promoted to an officer, led a small team of guerilla fighters, heavily armed with deadly quad-processor servers and routers running BGP4, after the Avatar Bandit, only to find...

That out of the dust and rubbish had risen Tacid Blue skys again and the terror and horror of General Milk had arose again with allies to help hide him deep within the systems of the entire matrix and...

only a ragtag band of freedom fighters stands against them, hacking desperately into the matrix to try and free humanity from the belief that bandwidth can be unlimited, but one was captured. Agent Shang, impassive in his dark suit and sunglasses, looked down at the leader of the restistance and...

isn't everyone getting tired of this yet?

Tired?? Everyone is tired that the evil host will not stay down and rest.. Super Chicken has been missing, feared captured by the host of all evil. Sesran steps up and vows to find Chicken and free him, but first he needs to....

... head on over to KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken) and get himself something to eat, but as he got there he realized ...

..he's wearing womans underwear and they're very tight, so..


( Hehehe, sorry Sesran :dgrin: )

then he also realized not only the underwear he had on but eating at KFC would be like eating the one he was in search of finding and that could be seen as counter productive because ...

he is cocu loko in the head :)

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

:stickout :stickout :stickout

:confused: :confused: :confused:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

:bawling: :bawling: :bawling: :bawling:

:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

:nuts: :nuts: :nuts: :nuts:

:blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

:angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

Originally posted by Hostexp
he is cocu loko in the head :)

...because he too to many phychotropic drugs one night...

:cool: :cool: :cool: :cool:

:D :D :D :D

he then decides to hop over to A&W instead....and

..after eating some beef .....and later hours blissfully dancing around in womans underwear. Sesran manages to regain control of his phychotropic thoughts and sets his mind back on the task.

Saving Super Chicken from the host of all evil. :karate:

All of a sudden he hears....

:spam::spam::spam:

Super Chicken's voice at the back of his head.
"Don't come over here, this place is full of ......

Awefull weed, laced with drugs you would not want to look at.

So, he instead took a bag of crystally green substance out his pocket allong with a pipe, lit up, took a long long haul, exhailed and said...

...YUCK!!! This tastes like sh#t!!
Thats why I quit this stuff many years ago, still hasn't changed, has it? But now back the matter at hand, Chicken my friend, I AM ON MY WAY!!!! Don't worry, I will save you from the unlimited world, but before I go, I must...

use the boys room. After that I run out the door and...

forgot to wash his hands... so when he was going to return he said to himself "Chicken is more important, he wont care that I save him without washing my hands. And besides he will never know"... So he turned right back around and headed towards chicken...

reaching where Chicken should be, I notice blood. Following the trail of blood I start to notice a smell coming from my hands......then I notice empty bullet shells....

Laying on the ceiling ?
(I think to myself something is not normal here ??)
as I turn to the left I see ....

the chandelier.

hmmm . . . The bullet shells weren't on the ceiling . . .

then bob jumps out of a tree and says "the eveil dark lord of vomited bacon pizza, shall feast on your bowls and belch loudly". So I did the only thing anyone would do in this situation..

I ate bob and belched louder while...

while I'm replying this post..... :D
after that...

after that...I had to go to the toilet, and while I was sitting there
***** came to mind and I jumped of the toilet-seat and...

and spun around to look
and yep
just the thought of ***** scared the crap out of me !!!! ...

Then almost 1 year later I relized I forgot to flush the toliet :D

but it didn't matter because the toilet had suffered a nuclear meltdown after that

errr :rolleyes:

mean while back at the ranch

The horse had killed my wife by trampling on her and the house

Then James showed up after digging up some old story.

and absolutely ruined the plot!

OMG!!! said the monkey who...

Originally posted by Shyne
OMG!!! said the monkey who...

threw a banana from the tree he was sitting in... It then hit me in the head and I looked up to see...

Chicken!

Originally posted by edude
Chicken!

kissing a (fe)male monkey.

Then I realized the concept of the story would not work, because you are supposed to add to the end of the story, preserving the entire previous parts so that it can be read as a complete text. After this realization, I decided to kill myself. BANG!

~THE END.

And what happens after every succesful story?
They make Part II !!!! Hehe.

Act I / Scene I
After timechange killed himself, his soul did not propagate towards heaven or hell (probably hell lol) and went roaming around because he died before he did something imortant. Before THIS was done his soul shall lie in unrest.

I feel like Freddie Kruger now :D

OMG , i missed this.. grrr!!!!

he he man some people have way too much time on their hands :stickout

Hi guys, I live on 9 WHT street and have been having dreams of this crazy guy, he reminds me of Freddy Kruger and the dreams, oh, they just seem so, so real.

Please don't think i am weird, i am scared....

Meanwhile, in a faraway land, the early morning sounds of merchants preparing for another day drifted through the village from the waterfront market. Soon the smells of baking, rich stock and soups, and flavourful coffee would lure villagers out of their beds even as children and roosters each crowed their morning greetings to any that would listen.

Guisseppe, who had been fishing off the end of the breakwater since two hours before the dawn, was violently cursing the sea and his empty pipe as he struggled to free his line from some underwater entanglement. The line bit deep into his weathered hands as he heaved, throwing with all his might his lean frame into the struggle, while inch by painful inch the sea reluctantly relented her grip on his new tackle.

"Il Mio Dio! What do I battle?" he cried. Guisseppe could see his lure nearing the surface as he pulled, and it looked to him as if it had been caught up in piece of old net or length of rope. With a last mighty heave he managed to land his lure and its former captor onto the breakwater.

"Che cosa il diavolo ha fatto", what has the devil made, he muttered, as he drew out a long thin blade he intended to use on his morning catch, and expertly severed the devil's rope, freeing his lure and line. Guisseppe would later console himself over espresso and a good argument with the local drift-netters as to whose net he had just battled with.

At that very moment across the Atlantic "beep beep beep" sounded a warning panel in Cogent Network Operations Center. Phil Stubble was nearing the end of his night shift and in his usual understated manner simply said "Crap."

The segment from Seattle to Tallahassee was down again. Phil wondered what kind of deal or kickback had to be in place that saw a cross country segment take a detour off the coast of Italy, but he knew that questioning was not the "Cogent way". Worse, it would be weeks before they could reroute the NW to SE traffic on their own network so he had to think fast. "Hey", Phil mused, "that 300 baud acoustic coupled modem is sitting idle - maybe I could..."

*applause*

And that my friend, is an out of office experience.

And that my friend, is an out of office experience. I have to admit experiencing "something" since we actually do have a Server named LOLA stacked in a 42U rack. :D

Just an update that I have published the book of this long story called... "Once upon a time.." thanks to all those who have contributed. :)

I pity the poor sole that reads it :D